Clarisse la rue one shots

The night I made things right.

"I don't have one."

"Where are you right now?"

"Home."

"Ma'am i'm going to need you to clarify where you are so I can send someone out there to help your friends"

"They're dead it's too late... it's my fault though."

"You killed your friends?"

After the question was asked I couldn't respond. The whole world was silent now.

"Hello?" the lady asked

I realize if the police came they would take Chris and Silena away from me again. Then I would have really lost absolutely everything. I couldn't just hang up on her, that would be rude. So, i said:

"Okay. Goodbye."

Then I hung up and realized the lady knew all along that I killed him. I killed Silena too. Why do I hurt everyone I love? I didn't mean to do it I swear.

How did she know though? Was she watching me? I look to Silena the 'spy'. It was her wasn't it? Gods I hope it wasn't because then it would just prove she's mad at me. I'm mad at me too tho so how can I blame her?

My brother, Chris, and my brothers friends are gone. It's just me and Silena now. I keep staring at her face. I can't believe I would do something like that. Gods why am I so stupid?! It should have been me. Not her.

Then the other voices started. The really bad ones.

Maybe you can make it right. Everyone knows you're the one who should have died not Silena... or Chris for that matter. All it takes is a couple pills. Just a few. then you would make things right again.

Except this time the voices are right. Usually Chiron tells me they're wrong but this time they were being true.

Just a few.

I walk over to my bunk and pull the bottle out from under my pillow. Oxy. Usually I only use them if I break a bone or something but this time they're a little more useful. They'll help me finally make things right.

I open the bottle and dump a few in the palm of my hand, careful not to miss it and dump them into the bottomless pit below me.

I count them. 1,2,3... I feel like i'm counting forever until i freeze on the last one. 14.

I look back at Silena looking at me... I can't make out the expression on her charred face. Satisfaction? Disappointment? Who knows; At least i'll get to see the real her tonight.

I stumble to my bathroom and just toss them in my mouth. I finish them off with water from the faucet and I look up into the mirror. There she is again. Silena.  She's right behind me. This time she looks how she used too. Young, pretty... soft. She looks scared now though. I just hope she will be happy to see me again after all this time. Almost a whole year.

I look down at my arm. The new scars almost as visible as the day the originals were carved in. Before she died I swore I would never do it again. I lied.

The shitty part is no one noticed. That was also the best part.

I miss her so much.

I stay there for a second just admiring her. Gods shes so beautiful. My anxiety was gone now. Everything was so peaceful I go into a trance. Just watching and admiring.

I hope she still loves me the way she used to... the way I still love her.

Without even realizing it some time must have passed by because I started to feel dizzy, although that was expected.

Shit.

I just realized i don't have a drachma on me. How else am I gonna see her again?

I remember I have one in my wallet under my pillow. I go to walk out of the bathroom but my hand was numb. I didn't realize it was still on the counter and I knocked the rest of my pills into the pit.

Shit. I hope I didn't wake anyone.

I continue my journey across the cabin to my bunk trying with all my might not to pass out yet. I walk by Silena lying on the bunk again, but instead of her charred face, it was her old one. She was smiling at me. I knew i made the right choice. But, I got too distracted and lost my balance. I fell and as soon as it happened I felt like I was in slow motion. I was pleasantly surprised when instead of falling endlessly I land on what feels like silk. It reminds me of her favorite dress... the one I used to slip off her when we would sneak out past curfew. I still have it... it's in the shoebox I dedicated to her under my bed.

Suddenly I get warm and super sleepy. I let myself drift into an endless sleep, but not before looking up at the clock on the wall. It read 3:27 am. I smile; because now I know the minute i took my last breath, and the minute i'm reunited with my whole world.

i'm case you can't tell i've never been on an acid trip, i just figured it would be easier to include it with my idea.

A/N i feel like this one was pretty shitty but i've never written angst before so idk i feel like it was okay for a first try 😭