SIMPHIWE SHANDU THE HUSBAND

I am standing Infront of my mirror fully butt naked. 
My arms, cheek bones, Knees… 
Everything is just a mess. I don’t even know what size I now where. Simphiwe has been way too busy for me these days. He is hardly home and that makes me wonder. Is he cheating on me again? 
I do not want to think the worst of it. 
I throw myself on the bed with a heavy heart, maybe he no longer loves me as he claims he does. Come to think of it, he has never said I love you in a very long time. Tears blind my vision, my head spins as I try to collect myself.  
“Sistera,” an unfamiliar voice brings me back to earth. I am no longer alone in this yard – and this thing of me walking around naked should stop! 
I jump off the bed landing painfully on the wooden floor.  
“Ouch,” I think I have just cracked my hip born and God damn it hurts. I just lay there on the floor flinching due to the massive pain I am feeling. I take a deep breath and shut my eyes – the embarrassment.  
“Mama, uright?’ The way he calls me just makes me want to scream out loud.  
I open my eyes and our eyes meet. He is looking directly at my face.  
“It hurts.” I want to cry so bad. It hurts. Not because of the only pain physical that is hurting but the pain of my husband not caring about my well-being. My health, life and happiness.  
I seem to be his last priority. He is distant and our marriage is centered on sex. Maybe it is just me and my nagging baby talk that is making him very distant. A tear escapes my eyes. 
“Pease, help me up.” I say. I can't even bring myself to hind my private part. He scoops me up like a piece of paper and places me on the bed gently. I don’t know how he slipped that made him land on top of a naked woman. He stares down at me without saying a word. He looks deep into my eyes and I find myself staring back. One thing led to another, I found myself kissing him. 
I hold his bushy hair with my breathing changing. His slips are so warm and they smell minty.  
I come back to my senses when I feel something moving. I try pushing him but he won't budge. He is just way too strong for me. 
“We should stop.”  
I softly say moaning in his mouth. God dammit I just wish he could just… 
“Are you sure.” He goes down to my neck.  
Thrilling experience soft kisses, gentle nibbles. I feel my nipples harding.  
“Ow God,”  
My legs were being pushed apart. I want him to stop but something in me wants this so bad. My body reacts with each touch.  
“Ntokazi…” he looks at me with his small red eyes.  
“Can we stop.”  
He smiles – thankfully he removes himself on top of me. Still with my legs wide open I slowly put them down, minding the pains.  
He bends over and gives me one last kiss and whispers in my ear with his sweet voice. One would mistake him as a woman.  
“The day I will screw you - I will make sure to leave you paralyzed and empty.” 
What the hell did just happen?  
I touch my lips still; frozen. I feel myself dripping from underneath and I just know right then that this man messed with my body. I slowly stand up on the bed and wear a dress. I limp to the toilet to wipe myself and damn what a pool juices. I find myself smiling, surprisingly I am not feeling guilty at any point.  

Trying to watch a movie and my mind just keeps on flooding back to the events of today. How did he only manage to make me so weak with only just neck kisses?  
Another pool gushes out and I just know that I am wet, thinking about another man, not even my husband. Speaking if that one, he hasn't still hasn't come back home. Right now, he can do whatever he likes and wants. It's close to 11 pm and he is still not back.  
As I am about to switch off the lights, I hear his car being parked outside. He storms into the house and looks at me with his eyes I’ve have never met before.  
“Did you really have to embarrass me like that in front of everyone.?” 
I am stupefied with his outburst. 
“What are you talking about?” I ask standing up. 
“And she pretends not to know what t am talking about.”  
He shouts, still amazed I do not even know what he is on about. Or, maybe someone told him that me and Jele hugged… 
“Going to town fully knowing that you want to kill my… someone's else's unborn child just because you cannot carry your own!” 
“Simphiwe.” I gasped in shock.  
He looks at me and his faces changes softly. I am very much more hurt because of his words. Tears running after another. I cannot even scream but the hurt is cut in too deep. I just grab my phone on top of the table and rush out of the house. I do not even know where I am limping to but I just want to be far away from him as possible. I stand outside the gate with him shouting my name for the whole neighbors to hear.  
I'm thinking of calling my dad but I do not want to be a nuisance and be that girl who comes back home after a failed marriage. I limp along the gravel not knowing where I am heading at. 
My mind is deep in thoughts and I don't even recall when or even how I got here. Fear takes over and I look at the tall trees.  
I see a figure coming by - male… 
“What are you doing here? It is not safe for a woman to be in the dark.”  
He speaks making my knees become wobbly. I clear my throat. 
“I got lost.”  
I respond with tears already dancing their way out. The pain I’m feeling - I cannot even begin to express it.  
He comes close, at the moment I do not even care what happens at this point. Simphiwe really broke me with his words.  
“I ask again, what are you doing here?”  
He stands on the brighter side of the moon and I recognize his face. I smile a bit but my throat dries up. What if he tries taking advantage of me while I'm this vulnerable.  
“Had a fight with my husband.”  
My useless mouth slipping.  
“Want to talk about it?” 
“Not now. I am feeling cold.”  
I try to look back trying to figure out where exactly he is coming from.  
“You are now going to ask me where I am coming from?”  
His small voice just makes me melt I don’t know why. Men normally have that deep voices, but for this one it’s the total opposite. 
I smile… 
“Am I that nosy?”  
“You are madam. Come let me take you back home, where you belong.”  
I am offended, he is treating me like a teenager who just entered the adolescence stage and ran away from home. 
“I don’t want to go back there.” 
He sighs obviously feeling annoyed about my whining. He turns to leave leaving me in the dark. 
“Hey, where are you going!” I shouted. He cannot leave me in the bushes. What does he take me for. I quickened my pace. I do not even know where he is going but wherever he is going I shall follow him behind. Maybe I am trapping myself in the lion's den. 

 We arrived in a one-bedroom house made out of mud. I didn’t know that there were people who live in this kind of condition.  
“I honestly do not know why you followed me because I don’t know what landed you here in the first place.” 
He says taking each and every clothing off his body. The lamp deems a bit… 
“Shit!” he hisses trying to look for a…light I assume.  
“Do you have a matches with you?” He asks. It is now completely dark. How the hell would I have carried match sticks when Simphiwe was… 
“No,” I respond. My mind is not here at all. My feet hurt and I just want to sit down, but where? There is only a single bed here.  
I've just remembered. “My phone is with me.” I speak. I pulled it out of my pocket and handed it to him.  
He lights the torch and turns to face me. He is way too close to making my mind think dirty.  
“When are you going back home?”  
“In the morning.” I have a big nerve. I am not going anywhere and I will fight with every tooth and nail to sleep on this bed.  
“And where will I sleep? Did you see the bed?”  
“We will share.” In my mind I have already envisioned how everything will be. I will sleep on the side and he will sleep on the side as well, behind me and hold my waist. I sit on the bed and take a deep breath. He takes a seat as well… 
“I guess you have had this all figured out.” he chucks and shakes his head smiling. I smile back because I know that my mind works wonders.  
“I want to sleep, I'm tired.” 

Surprisingly we are both relaxed and very comfortable. The heat was killing me that I ended up taking my clothes off and now I am left with my underwear only. His breathing is hitting my back making me close my thighs shamefully.  
“Sgujana, are you asleep?”  
I want to use the bathroom, I mean toilet.”  
I don’t want to pee but I want to wipe the juices that keep dripping out of me. He is fast asleep holding me so tightly. I sighed looking at the time and it was just after 1:00 am. This will be probably the longest night of my life. What was I doing here in the first place. I grunt wanting to turn and sleep on another side but there is no space on this bed.  
Finally, I get the grip to turn and face him. 
 He is still holding my waist tightly and he talks a lot in his sleep too, that I have picked up.  
My phone rings again and I just know it is the devil. He has been calling for the hundredth time and I will not even bother to pick him up.  
“You should switch it off.” I deem my torch and I’m still surprised that my battery lasted for this long. 
“Okay.”  
I do as instructed, maybe I might as well get some sleep after that stupid buzzing phone.