One Time

Fear

The light on the ceiling was her only focus after the doctor and the nurse told her to lie down. The hospital bed was not covered with sheet. It made her felt cold.

Oppa...

She couldn't stop thinking about Haein. Jisoo was willing to do anything to get him here at this point, if only she could. A single tear fell from her eye, it wetted the bed. She tilted her head. The nurse was preparing an injection, meanwhile the doctor beside her was talking. She put her gloves on already. 

Once that solution enters my body, there's no turning back.

Jisoo knew that the anesthesia alone could harm the baby and she wouldn't even be able to move afterwards. Suddenly, a memory just from a few minutes ago flashed in her mind. A memory when Haein kissed her tummy dearly.

Is this... really what I want? 

Another nurse brought a cart containing some equipments next to her bed, which made Jisoo automatically turned her head to the other side. She saw two long scissors, two suction tools with big tubes attached to them, some long knife-looking irons, and some other things that Jisoo didn't know the name. Slowly she felt like the air around her was thinning. Her body was shaking greatly. Tears kept falling down from her eyes. She gasped when the other nurse grabbed her hand.

"Can you please face that way? The injection will go to your back."

She pulled her hand from her quickly. "No..."

Jisoo tried to get up, she collected all her remaining energy. The two nurses and the doctor looked at her with confused expression.

"I'm... I'm really sorry. I have to see my boyfriend."

She got down the bed, and walked unsteadily to the door.

"Miss, wait!"

When she heard that the nurse were trying to chase her, she opened the door and ran. Then, she saw Haein in the waiting room. He got up from the chair, looking really lost when he realized Jisoo came out from the operation room crying.

"Oppa!"

Jisoo came as fast as she could. She hugged Haein as if she was asking for protection. She cried in fear. 

"Jisoo, what happened?" He patted her head.

"I can't do it... I can't... Let's get out of here... please..." she begged.

Haein, even though he might felt really puzzled by the situation, still tried his best to calm Jisoo.

"Alright. Let's get you to the car first."

He took off his jacket and put it on Jisoo who was still in her patient gown. She saw Haein approached the nurse and explained something. Then he came to her again, and led her to the parking lot.

***

Jisoo sat in the front seat alone. Haein left the air conditioner on. He told Jisoo to wait in the car while he took care of everything. She felt much more relaxed now that she had left the operation room. She stroked her own tummy so she wouldn't feel alone. The door opened and Haein appeared with a cup of milk on his hand and Jisoo's bag on his other hand.

"Here, Love, it's warm milk."

"Thanks, Oppa." She received it.

"Do you want to change your clothes first? It's alright now, I have cancelled the surgery and completed the administration."

Jisoo shook her head. "I'm okay. I will change my clothes at home."

"Okay, then. Let's go home after you finish your milk." Haein reached Jisoo's hand.

"I'm sorry... I troubled you a lot today."

Haein kissed her hand. "It's okay. The doctor told me what happened in the operation room. You must've been really scared. It's too bad I can't be there. Maybe we can find other method... once you ready, of course."

"I... don't want to, Oppa." She tried to face Haein. "I don't want to abort it."

Haein's face gradually changed when he heard Jisoo's statement.

"Oppa... you know what? The real reason why I rushed it... it's because I don't want to get too attached to it."

Jisoo put down the milk and slowly let go of Haein's hand. She placed both of her hands on her tummy. "The baby... it can't even move yet. It's not even showing yet from outside. But I can feel that it's there. And I... already love it without even realizing it." There was a long pause. Jisoo tried to hold back her tears. "When I was in there... when I saw the nurse brought those scary tools... I couldn't even breath. I followed my instinct and ran. It turned out that I can't lose our baby. I don't want those tools stole it's life just like that."

No response from Haein. So she continued.

"But I'm frightened. Leaving my career and talk to my parents just half of it. The thing that I fear the most is the responsibility as a mom. How can I give birth and take care of a child? I'm a child myself. What if I ruin it? What if I couldn't take good care of it? I don't think I'm good enough... Oppa, what should I do?"

"Didn't I tell you?" Haein's voice was shaking. "I'm here. I'm here for you. Don't you see me? Don't you trust me?"

He reached Jisoo's face and wiped Jisoo's tears using his thumbs.

"It's not 'you' alone. It's us. It's three of us now." He kissed Jisoo's forehead. "We can do this, Jisoo-ya. Maybe this is all too sudden. Maybe this is not what we have planned. But we can learn. Together. So don't worry too much, alright?"

Jisoo nodded, she closed her eyes when Haein's face leaned towards her. His warm kiss provided all the comfort she need. She knew she would be alright now.