where I should've been (EDITING)

chapter 15

     She probably think I don't want her. Wait do I want her?

Of course you do,stupid.

   I just want my flirty Petra back. It's that too much to ask for?

   Why does things have to be so complicated.

     I miss her and I want her. Her lips on mine felt so fucking good. It felt like our lips was meant for each other. Her lips are the softest pair of lips I've ever kissed.

   Even tho the kissed didn't last long, it still felt better than any of the kisses I shared with maurice.

    Thinking of those kisses I shared with him in the past is making my skin crawl.

   How blind of me to have married that thing? He is the literal definition of disgusting.
   
    I wonder what my life would have been like if it was Petra I was married to for 5 yrs.

    Ughhhh.... Why does all my thought center around Petra?

    I want her, I know I do but there's this part of me that is scared to put myself out there again.

   I have severe trust issues. I don't want to enter into another relationship which will end up with me being bruised,battered and heart broken.

    "What are you thinking so hard about?" I looked up to see Maddy giving me a concerned look.

   "Petra" I said sighing.

    "What did she do?" She asked.

    "She kissed me the other day. I panicked and slapped her, now I barely see her. I really miss her so much." I said sadly.

    "You know Petra has feelings for you right? Maybe she thinks you don't want her the way she wants you that's why she's giving you space."

    "But I don't want her to give me space. I want her to be all up in my face. I want us to be like we were before." I said pouting.

    "Do you have feelings for her?"

    "Yes, but.... I still have scars from my last relationship.you know?"I said playing with my fingers.

    "Right. That's true... tell her how you really feel and your insecurities. Just know that you're not being forced into anything. If you don't like her romantically just tell her and she'll understand. She will be heartbroken,but she will get over it. Don't agree to her just cos you feel like it's a way of repaying her for what she's done for you. It's better you're true to her and yourself."

    "I know that. But I'm having these foreign feelings. Feelings I have never had in my entire life I'm kinda scared."

    "giving the things you've went through, it's okay to be scared, Just talk to Petra. I'm sure you guys will figure something out."   She said coming to sit beside me and pulling me to her.

      " I haven't seen her in two whole days, she sneaks in and sneaks out. She only check on Dami. I miss my petra" I said pouting.

   " Your Petra? Seems like someone is head over heels for my bestie...Don't worry I will talk to her."

    "Thank you" I said smiling and pushing her a little

   "You're welcome Sister in law, now go dress up let's go out. I'm bored out of mind."

    "Thanks for coming. I'm  tired of counting the furnitures." I heaved a sigh of relief before running upstairs to get dressed.

   I really need a day out to clear my mind off everything.

            .................................

A/N: okayyyy..... End of chapter 15 y'all. How do y'all find this chapter? Personally I hate it but anyways,I really want to thank you guys for taking time to read and vote on my books. It really means a lot to me. When I started this book I didn't think I would have alot of readers but here I am. I know the reads are not much now, but I do believe it's gonna increase.
    
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