Tangled Up in Blue

Show Me a Hero

Keegan

Show me a hero, and I'll write you a tragedy.

That F. Scott Fitzgerald quote pops into my mind as Blue grips the steering wheel.

I read the quote somewhere a few years ago and scribbled it in the margin of my journal, liking the irony and poignancy of it. 

But until just this minute, I don't think I fully understood its meaning.

Staring at Blue's tense face as he drives away from his mother's house in Tulsa, the words hold new meaning.

To me, Blue is a hero. He served his country; he tried to help a young girl facing a terrible fate.

And it all went horribly wrong.

Yes, he lied about it. But I understand why. 

I understand why he was so scared and grief-stricken that he made a rash decision.

In my mind, Blue is a good guy. He always will be. 

But I know not everyone would agree with me.

I know that if other people found out what happened, he might be in danger. His freedom might be threatened, or even his life. 

And that scares me.

Riding away from the cabin yesterday, I was so frustrated with Blue, so hurt by what seems like his refusal to trust me, to fully open up to me, that I thought about breaking up with him.

For about a minute.

But by the time I reached the stand of Ponderosa pines surrounding a cluster of boulders that mark the trail's turn toward the river, I knew I couldn't do it.

I love Blue: wildly, deeply, with every part of my being. I can't walk away from him. 

I won't walk away from him.

And by the time Lucy and I reached the river a quarter mile away and she waded in to get some well-deserved gulps of water, I was wondering why I had pushed Blue so hard to tell me his secret.

Why I was still pushing him to tell his mother.

It was an act of faith for him to tell me, for him to trust me like that. 

He's under so much pressure. So why am I adding to it?

Why can't I just be there for him and let him deal with things in his own way and his own time?

I'd just slid off my horse and knelt to splash a handful of icy water on my face when I heard the sound of pounding hooves on the trail behind me.

I looked up to see Okie coming down the trail at almost a full gallop, with Blue clinging to his back.

When he spotted me, Blue slowed the horse, and I saw the look of relief that crossed his face.

I fumbled with Lucy's reins, needing something to divert my attention, my heart pounding in my ears.

I was wondering what Blue would say to me. And what I should say to him.

He jumped off before his horse even came to a full stop and ran toward me. 

At the same time, I dropped Lucy's reins and rushed into his arms.

We clung to each other, Blue covering my face with kisses.

"I'm sorry," he gasped. "God, I'm sorry, Keegan. I tried to give you some time. I did try. But I couldn't let you ride away, not like that. I couldn't...I don't know why I shut you out, I don't...I can't lose you."