Curing More than Cancer

Chapter 16

The next morning, Kara wakes up alone in Lena's bed. She lets out a heavy sigh as she lets go of the pillow she was clutching. She's going to have a lot of explaining to do this morning and even more making up to do. She wonders how she is going to be able to look Lena in the eye and verbalize her dream. Her stomach feels like it's in knots. She takes a few private moments in bed before she gets up and gets ready. She only wanders out when she has her face washed, teeth brushed, and hair piled into a messy bun. She follows her nose to kitchen where Lena is pouring a cup of coffee.

Kara stares at the woman briefly. Lena looks so relaxed and comfortable first thing in the morning. She announces her presence by softly saying, "Hey."

"Morning. Coffee?"

Kara nods, and Lena pulls down another mug from the cabinet to fill. She wordlessly goes into her fridge to pull out the milk and grabs the sugar container from the counter.

"Thank you," Kara whispers.

They both sip at their steaming mugs in a somewhat comfortable silence. When Kara's feeling more awake and alert, she decides that she is going to stop making Lena fixing everything. She takes a deep breath to solidify her boldness. She's going to own up to her word. "The dream wasn't a nightmare. It wasn't a bad dream. It- it was of you and me... We- we were-"

"Kara, you don't have to explain anything."

"Please, Lee. I want to. I need to because I need you to understand." Kara gives her the biggest puppy eyes and begs with every fiber of her being to let her explain. She knows she needs to stop putting Lena last when Lena is doing so much for her. Even with the risk of losing her, or ruining game night before it even starts, Kara needs to get this out. She might not understand it fully, but Lena deserves to know. She deserves to know what's going on. So she waits until she sees that little nod from the woman before she continues. "Thank you. I- I flinched away last night because I had woken up from a dream where we were... we were doing adult things."

Lena's head cocks to the side with furrowed brows. She's completely thrown off by the phrase 'adult things.'

Kara clears her throat a little awkwardly as she fidgets with her mug. "We- we were kissing... and... headed a little bit further than that. I swear! I didn't mean to try to be a creep or- or some perv! But when I woke up, I- I had no idea it was only a dream. So, when I clung to you... I was... I was worried that I did something that wasn't consensual or would risk our friendship. That's why I rushed away. I- I never want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable that way. You have to believe me."

Lena blinks several times, owlishly. Her brain must be lying to her. There is no way she just heard that properly.

"It- it was the first time I had a dream like that. At all, not just... about you. And I'm so sorry if it makes you uncomfortable knowing. If you want me to leave, I get it. But I promise that I had no control over it. I wasn't afraid of you last night. I was afraid of me. I as afraid I hurt you in some way, and then I did actually hurt you by reacting that way. I'm- I'm so sorry, Lena. I'm so sorry, and now I'm going to shut up because I am rambling."

Lena stares at the meek and embarrassed woman in front of her. She nearly needs to pinch herself to make sure she isn't the one dreaming. She's not sure how to respond to any of it. She clears her throat awkwardly and manages to mumble, "I thought we talked about limiting the apologies?"

"I promise that was me limiting my apologies," Kara mutters. "I also won't lie. I- I am feeling a strong urge that I- I should leave and give you some space. B- but I feel like I've taken off on you a few too many times based on me projecting my feelings onto you."