The Proximation of Hello and Goodbye

5

"Your comfort?" Izuku asks.

Katsuki shrugs, "Yeah, you know, like when you feel like you can be yourself with a person. Or when you feel like you could trust them with anything, knowing they'll be there no matter what, in heart, spirit, or memory." Katsuki feels himself grow sad at the thought of only having what little comfort he's gotten from Izuku in memories. It hasn't been too forward, but it's in the little things, like when he listens before acting or when he smiles.

Izuku tilts his head. "Comfortable," he murmurs. "I don't think I've ever associated that word with anyone really."

"What about your boyfriend?"

"Masashi is great, but I don't think I've really felt like I could be myself around him for a while now. I think I've changed a lot lately, and I think he's still the same in a lot of ways. Sometimes I wonder if we're even on the same page." He grows quiet, seemingly shocked with himself. "I shouldn't have said that. Sorry. Masashi is wonderful. But, I don't think the word comfort suits him. I think it's more similar to secure. "

Katsuki's jaw clenches, his fingers tightening around the steering wheel. "You deserve someone who changes with you. And, even if they don't they should appreciate your changes. Security is great and all, but comfort is what makes a home."

I could be your home if you'd let me.

He clears his throat. "Anyway, this is our next stop. Let's get this over with." Katsuki mindlessly makes his way to the door, delivering the pastries with Izuku. His mind lingers to the thought of Izuku choosing the idea of security over comfort. A person can be secure locked in a cage, but they can't be comfortable that way. He hates the very thought of Izuku feeling secure at the cost of his comfort . Why wouldn't he describe him as both? Why can't he be both? Why isn't he both? Katsuki would give anything for the chance to be Izuku's comfort and security.

Bastard. I'll kill him.

Katsuki snaps from his thoughts at the sound of his door slamming shut. He looks over at Izuku whose eyes are blown wide as he looks down at his hands. His eyes carefully trace their way back up so that he's looking him in the eyes and he tilts his head. "Is something wrong?" Izuku asks.

Katsuki feels the tension dissipate from his body at the sight of Izuku looking at him with such concern. He frowns, "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Izuku prods.

Katsuki huffs and looks away, toward his door. He hates that he's gotten so worked up over something that was probably intended to be so simple . "Can I ask you something?"

"I guess so."

Katsuki purses his lips, the thought of his question causing bile to rise up in his throat. He doesn't want to know the answer, but he needs to know. He needs to understand. "When did you realize... that he was the one for you ?" he murmurs.

"Oh," Izuku relaxes. He leans back in his seat, "It's kind of a long story, but I would say that I really fell for him when I felt like we could understand each other. I had big dreams growing up, none of which came to pass because it's just the way cards fell. Even in college, I had some big ambitions. Masa did too, and neither of us really knew where to start, but we helped each other the best we could. Over time, we came to an understanding, and I just felt like everything would be okay as long as I had someone who understood me the way I understood him at my side."

He hates it. He hates that he can understand because he doesn't want to. He wants to hate Masashi with everything he has. And, knowing that it's being understood that matters most to Izuku makes it worse. He understands too, even if it's not something he wants, but he would try to understand every little thing if that's what it takes. Fuck. "That's nice... That you have someone that understands you. I'm glad you have that."

"Me too," Izuku smiles softly. "I've never known a better feeling."

Katsuki simply nods, setting the car into motion and going on to their next stop. They make their way through the rest of their deliveries before ending up back at the cafe. Katsuki walks ahead of Izuku into the cafe. He immediately brushes past Ena, "Meet me in the breakroom," he grumbles, continuing his trek to the breakroom.

By the time he settles into the couch, Ena is walking into the room and closing the door gently. She frowns upon seeing him and settles into a seat of her own. "Hey, what's this about?" she asks softly.

"Have you ever taken the initiative to understand why Izuku loves him?" he asks.

Ena's eyebrows furrow and she crosses her arms. "I can't say that I have. I know enough about him to not want to understand."

Katsuki's hands clench around each other. "I didn't want to know either, but I care enough about Izuku to need to know."

"So you don't think I care enough about Izuku? Is that what you brought me in here to say?" Ena asks, a crease forming between her eyebrows.

His eyes grow wide and he shakes his head, "No. That's not what I meant. I know you care about Izuku, that's not what I'm trying to say. I guess what I'm trying to get at is that it bothers me that Izuku is settling for something he could so easily have with other people."

"What's this about?"

Katsuki sinks further into his seat, pouting. "Izuku and I had a talk about some things today. I know you said you didn't want to know, but did you know that Izuku fell in love with him because he felt like he was the first person to understand him?" He lets out a strained scream, fists balling in front of him. "It just infuriates me to think about it. What is it that's so complex that he feels like nobody could understand him? How did he make it so long without feeling understood if that's what he thinks equates to being loved?"

Ena frowns contemplatively, "I really couldn't say for sure. I think they're both so wildly different from one another that I don't see how it ever worked, to begin with. I don't know... It could be that neither of them ever knew their dads or I guess that it could be that they're both quirkless. If you wanted to get technical, it could turn out to be--"

"Wait," Katsuki interjects, sitting up. "That could be it. What you just said about the quirk, that might be it. Izuku mentioned something about big ambitions that didn't come to pass because of 'the way the cards fell.' Any idea what that could be about?"

She scoffs and laughs, "The way the cards fell? It might be something else, but what I'm thinking of isn't a luck of the draw thing, it's more situational. When we first met Izuku, he was very passionate about heroes. He'd analyze fights during his breaks, thinking of ways they could have gone or been improved. He's smart . He even went to college to get a degree in Hero Battle Tactics and Analysis. He's good at it, but he dropped out."

"Why would he drop out?"

Her eyes cut across to him, looking at him through her lashes. "Why do you think?"

Masashi.

"I'll kill him," Katsuki mutters under his breath. "That's so fucking stupid . Izuku feels understood by him, and he has to know that, and what happened? Did he take advantage of that or did he just not care?" He feels his quirk pop off in his palms as his fury festers. "I don't get it. How does he feel loved like that? Does he not think he deserves better?"

"I think..." she pauses, choosing her words carefully. "I think that Izuku is content with what he has. That's just who he is. He doesn't want more even if he needs it."

"Contentedness is bullshit. I don't want him to be content. I want him to be happy," he grumbles. He lowers his voice. "I want him to be happy with me."