why'd you only call me when you're high? // ziam mpreg // (has to be edited)

14

Pain.

Was all I feel all over my body. Every part of me is begging to be hugged. This is so hurt, feels just like even the God's above don't know what's my problem. I can't make it clear. Do I lose him? Or do I let him go? I don't know. I really don't know.

Another new day without him, I thought. I feel like I was nothing but piece of him. A little piece of him that he could just easily forget about. And I want him. I'm the one who supposes to complete him, not those stupid drugs or drinks or drunken people those are bumping into him. I really really want him even though I know he's bad for me, but at least for now.

That's when I hear a knock downstairs and I know it was him. I walk approach it and turn the doorknob to the side, a taller figure standing in front of me then coming towards me. I hold him tightly so he won't fall head first to the floor. He smells like sweat and alcohol, and he was losing some of his weight.

"You're drunk," I state.

"You didn't answer my phone."

I let out a sigh. I don't know how to respon with all of this sudden. I should be happy in fact he's home now, finally. But I can't accept that he is drunk and having a lot of changes in himself. Instead I put my arm around him with his arm on my shoulder and walk us upstairs to our room.

Once we're in, I put him in our bed slowly. He's already snoring with his eyes both closed. I go to the bathroom, take a washcloth then wetting it with water. I walk back to the bedroom and clean himself up until he smells clean. I wear him some new clothes and put the cover up his body.

I get in the bed and lay myself beside him. I watch his sleeping figure. I know he's tired after being outside there, living a real bad life. He musts be having a lack of sleep and wasn't eating properly, just like me.

I stroke his cheek slowly, brushing the tip of my fingers on his stubbled cheek. Inside, I keep wishing that he won't leave again, but I don't know. A little piece of me saying that he will leave again for the th times and I will never know when the time he finally stops.

My hand goes sneak in and hold his hand tightly, I kiss his knuckle softly and close my eyes before join him into a sleep.

***

I flutter my eyes open slowly. Liam is smiling fondly at me, with his hand on my hand that rested on his cheek, rubbing slowly. The heat in my cheeks is rushing, a flush starts to forming. I look away from him trying to hide these blushes. My eyes are glancing at the clock that is hanging on the wall. It reads 4pm.

Oh wow, me and him are have been sleeping for eight hours.. are we really this tired? I thought.

I let out a yawn and stretch my body a bit. I turn back to him, he's still smiling at me with that way. "What?" I ask.

"You are still as beautiful as the last time I saw you." I'm honestly never expected a thing like this. After those days where he has gone to I-don't-know-where, the first thing he said to me is only a praise? I expect for a 'sorry' though.

"Thank you," is the only thing I can say to him.

I feel like a stranger around my own husband, with his new personality. It's quiet strange and just not like him. It is different when he was sleeping compares to when he was awake. Feels like someone has stole his soul and replace it with the new one.

He cups my face in his hands and press his face to me, kissing me on the lips. And I feel, these lips are feel so foreign to me. It's rough, not like the way it used to. I'm kissing back slowly, try to matching his rhythm. He holds my jaw tightly, sure there will be bruises there. But I don't mind.

I pull away slowly, catching my breath. He smiles and pull me into a tight hug. I let out a huf and snuggle deeper to his chest. He strokes my hair, land his lips down to repeatedly kissing my head. "Why do you left me, Liam?"

He stops kissing my head, "at least I'm here now."

Why doesn't he feel guilty? Why it is so easy for him? He doesn't now how upset I am. And it makes me more upset though, knowing he doesn't care at all with what I feel.

I look up at him, disbelief is showing from my both eyes. But it looks like he doesn't notice it. Like he didn't make any mistakes.

"Don't go again or I will-"

"What?" he cuts.

I will give up on you. Is what I wanted to say but he cuts me anyway and it makes me think twice. I know if I say like that, it will makes things worse and he would just leave again. Or it could just lead us into a fight.

"Nope" I finally say giving into him.

"I can't promise you to stay, I enjoy the life out there." He says lightly and it makes my eyes goes wide and my jaw dropped.

"What the-"

"You have to let me be, Zayn. All this time I just want to be free." He adds.

Seems like I can't hold my tears. I can't believe he chooses that kind of life over me. "With getting drunk you mean it's being free?" I feel hot tears rolling down my face.

He stares at me but doesn't say anything, until I let the words slip out of my mouth again. "I hate you."

He doesn't even move or change his expression. He stays quiet. I pull away and get up quickly, tired of his sudden quietness. I take my jacket and walk downstairs in a rush and get out from our house. He doesn't even follow me behind. He doesn't even call my name to get me back. He doesn't even care.

I walk myself down the street with tears all over my face. I'm walking with no direction. I don't care to where it leads. I only care about my feelings for right now. If he can upset me that easy, then I can forget about him for a while. Even though I know I will never can.