Gucci Girl; A New Chapter (KTH 18+ )

Epilogue

It was really hard to leave Taehyung the next morning, after everything we had been through, and after connecting with him so deeply, the imprint of his body entangled with mine still haunting me. I knew that no one would ever make me feel the way he did, that no one would touch me in just that way that made my body shake, and my heart yearn to be closer to him.  No one would make me feel so relieved and happy just to see them walk through the door. I didn't know if what I was feeling was love, but now I'm sure that it is.

As I stood at the door to the hotel room, taking a last look around at the space I'd had so many emotions, and experienced so many things, I wanted so badly to grab him and hold him and keep him close, but I stood across from him, wringing my hands, nervously, after not sleeping a wink all night, even after we made love, I stayed awake, and watched him sleep, greedily taking in every moment I had left with him.

He understood all my reasons for leaving, but he let me explain anyway. In those last moments, where I babbled the phrases he didn't need to hear, he knew that I needed to get the words out, to feel as though I wasn't running away, as though I was making the best choice, for both of us. But I still felt sad that I couldn't see a way to stay with him.

When I'd finished explaining to him why we couldn't stay together, why now wasn't our time, he paused a moment, and then he stood up, walked directly to me, and kissed me so forcefully I almost lost the nerve to leave him. He pulled back from the kiss, wrapping his arms around me, and he leaned in close and whispered, "Someday, it will be our time. I'll come for you, and I hope you'll be waiting."

He pulled back, leaving a last kiss on my cheek, and he stood in the bedroom doorway, watching me take a last look around the room, and at him, before I walked slowly through the door, and left him.

I left him, as the sun was rising over the city, the gaudy neon fading away with the rising pink and orange of the morning sky. I left him to carry on with his busy schedule and his list of appearances and interviews and photo shoots and concerts. I left him knowing he would be taken care of and he would be safe. I left to return to something that felt normal to me, that felt real.

I sit, almost like a statue, staring out the window of the plane. I'm hours into the trip from Las Vegas to New York, halfway home. I was relieved to be going home even though I already missed him. I open my phone, scanning through the social media accounts I have, and realizing that I haven't looked at them for a few days. For once, I don't care how many notifications I have. I don't need to see new comments or read DMs or think of the next post I will make. I scan through the list of followers, knowing I don't know any of them, and I could disappear from social media tomorrow and no one would really notice. The only account I should have cared about 'vante3012' a secret account, and the only contact I might still be able to reach out to him through. I bite my lip thinking about what it would mean to not have this backdoor to him. I have his phone number, but it's likely to change again after the last run in with the Saesang. I navigate to hover over a single screen on my account. I consider what it would mean to not have this account, and to end things, end the falseness of it, and have only my real world. Maybe it would be good for me. Maybe I can start over, and I can carve a new path for myself, one of independence, and knowing that I have the support of my family and friends, but no longer leaning so heavily on that.

I sigh thinking about how to move forward, and how to be brave.  I frown, wondering if deactivating would be better for me, instead of deleting the account, after the following I built, or gained, and wondering if I'll still feel OK without it. As long as I have it, I know that somehow I might reach him again, and I hope I can. I want to know that somewhere in the world, he's happy and safe, but that he might think of me from time to time, and smile. If I keep the account, maybe after a few months, when things quiet down, I can reactivate it, and he will still be able to see me, to see when I add new pictures or when I respond to a comment. Maybe it would keep me in this mind as well.

A text alert disturbs me and I look down at the phone in my hand to see his number, and I smile, at the idea of one last moment of contact.

"Don't ever change this number. Someday, when it's our turn, I will come for you X"

I smile, flooding with emotions that almost overwhelm me as I think about seeing him again, 'someday.' I hold back the tear on my cheek, and take a deep breath. Then, I swipe back to the app, and select 'delete the account'.  I don't need it anymore.

***

Several months later, I am sitting in my sister's kitchen, waiting for her Sunday pancake breakfast. I have a lot of design work to catch up with still, for my new courses at FIT. My sister had always been encouraging me to go back to school but enrolling at the Fashion Institute of Technology was not something I ever imagined I could do. When I started an internship at designer DelCore's New York office, I was encouraged to try. I thought it was something I should do for myself, to give myself a future, rather than relying on other people. That's what I always told myself I would do. It was a lot of work.

I really enjoyed the work and the challenge, and if I'm honest, it took my mind off of what I'd left behind in Vegas, what sort of future I might have had if I'd stayed. It took my mind off of missing him so much. I didn't miss Instagram, as much as I might have thought I would. Once it was gone, it was out of my mind. I'll go back, someday, and build a new one, with a new following, absent of people following me because I was that girl with Kim Taehyung. Maybe it will be filled with designers I've met or editors of fashion magazines. Maybe it will be filled with friends and colleagues. Maybe someday he'll find me again, through it, or, maybe he'll call me one day out of the blue. All of these things I think about, even though I try to tell myself not to. I said good bye to him knowing it meant I may never see him again, but it was the right thing to do.

"Halley!" Millie yells as she runs into the kitchen at top speed. She seems out of breath. Stacy looks up at her from across the stove as she flips a pancake. Halley jumps in the air and I realize that she's clutching something in her hand, an envelope, a large brown envelope. I raise my brow, confused.

"What is it Moo?" I stand up from my spot at the counter and she continues to jump up and down. Her mother, now much more concerned, wipes her hands on a dish cloth nearby and walks around the counter to join me. We stand and watch Millie until she finally stops jumping.

"Look what came!" She holds the envelope up for us to see, as she pulls at the contents inside, revealing an 8x10 photograph. As it slides out of the cover, I see him for the first time in months. I'm momentarily stunned. "It's the picture of us together at the concert! You got it for me! Remember you said you'd find a way to get it for me! It's here! Finally!" she continues to shout as she resumes bouncing up and down. I smile awkwardly remembering the image, and my promise to her, but not remembering ever reaching out to the photographer or having any sense that Millie really would get this photo. I look over at my sister and shrug, unsure.

"That's so nice Millie, I'm happy you have this memento from the concert." Stacy says calmly.

"Halley thank you! You promised you'd get it for me and you did!" I shake my head.

"No Moo, I don't think its because of me, I didn't, I mean, I mentioned it once, but only to Taehyung." Millie stops jumping.

"It is from Taehyung." She looks at me confused, almost wondering why I'm not following along. "Look." She reaches into the envelop and pulls out a large piece of paper cut out in the shape of a heart, cut by hand, with a scratched note. She hands it to me and I recognize the writing instantly.

"Halley, Someday, it will be our turn..." followed by a phone number.

I turn away and try to hide the smile as it bursts across my face. I bite my lip, and my eyes fill with wonder, fill with hope, at his gift, and his words...Someday.

Thank you for reading