the various chances

chapter seventeen

Lily

The morning felt pleasant but my nerves were not having it. They wanted to fight every single thing in my life but when I wanted them to fight Jeremy they went calm. A day earlier, when he dropped me back home I swear under the name of my favourite authors because while coming back home I might have had this strong temptation to sleep right off in his car.

Even his car interior smelled like him, just like his musky pinewood cologne and it was disturbingly alarming. The way his hand came closer to mine while opening the car door, handing me my clutch and when he followed me until inside to make sure I make it up to the apartment, all that closeness made me feel dizzy.

The gala went well but there were times yet again that made me question whether Jeremy belonged to Homo sapiens of Earth or was he from some other planet, because last I knew- one- he hated human company, two- there was no way in the world did he take me there as his date and three- no way he asked me to dance with him.

The dance felt as if we were meant to know what was going to happen between us. Jeremy may be a cold blooded and sharp tongued handsome idiot but could make ladies' hearts weaker with his confidence and that striking personality. The way he carries himself is so powerful that makes me jealous of his belief and confidence in himself. Sometimes he looks so scary that makes men run for their lives otherwise this hot headed man was gorgeous, cues 'Gorgeous' by Taylor Swift.

Jeremy and I were barely at that thin line of friendship back then and there were so many lines between us, making it impossible for me to cross them, not that I wanted to because I didn't. The last thing I wanted was my problem list longer than ever.

Fuck My Life.

It was 4 in the morning, even though the tiredness of the previous night was looming over my muscles, my body refused to put me to sleep. I was standing in the pantry searching for some ingredients to do some baking. It was so long the last time I baked something without being on automatic mode. My work at café required baking as compulsion otherwise if it were to me I'd avoid it all costs.

After finding the flour and all the vessels I sprawl them on the kitchen island and gear up. I had no explanation to why there was a sudden urge to bake. As if it were to happen for sure, my mind asked me to do it and I went for it. This was one task that brought me peace as well as guilt.

There were so many laughs, giggles, claps and smiles attached to this single process of my life. Mom and I working in the kitchen for hours while Millie sneaking in and stealing some of the freshly baked goodies, laughing and snickering when being caught red-handed; Millie and I having a flour fight while mom just stares at us with her hands at hips and so many other moments.

I used to bake Millie's favourite vanilla and white chocolate muffins to cheer up her after mom was gone. The tears in Millie's eyes that had dried on my shoulder were still imprinted there. Two of us were all alone in the new city, thriving on our own and for her it was difficult than ever, moving on from the death of not just one but two loved ones. What I had to go through was nothing compared to what she had to see and suffer, being left alone to fend for two.

Mindless I had prepared the batter. I look down to the bowl and its contents feeling a little light and peaceful. Dropping the blueberries in the bowl, I stir for a few seconds and pour the batter in the baking tray. Once done I place them in oven and while I wait for the same, I clear up the kitchen, cleaning the island and vessels.

Another hour and the blueberry muffins were done. Once cool enough I place in a container and head out to prepare for my day. Freshly showered and dressed for the office I head back to kitchen for my coffee and breakfast where I see Emma preparing pancakes while Sammy works on coffee.