HIS OBSESSION (18+)

Chapter 44: NUMB

AXEL POV:

"I'm fine," I insisted but I knew that Sofia saw right through my lies. I wasn't fine.

I have always been broken
I have always been broken
I have always been broken
I have always been broken
I have always been broken
I have always been broken

Why the fuck do I always do this to myself. I finally got the girl I love yet I ruined it by remembering what happened to me. How they broke me in ways that I though I could never be repaired until I saw Sofia.

I walked into the bathroom and I locked the door. I was sick to my fucking stomach. I hate them but even after I killed them I still haven't fully healed. You never actually fully heal after you've been through hell. I still enjoyed seeing my dagger pierce through his heart.

The though of Sofia leaving me even for a second broke me into pieces but why the fuck did I say," please don't leave me."

That's the exact thing that I told them. I will never forget how they heard my cries but didn't give a fuck. I will never forget how much I begged them but yet they denied my pleads. I will never forget the things that happened to me or the things they made me do.

22 years ago...

“Pull the trigger,” he yelled. My eyes welled up with tears. My lips were dripping of blood from when my father punched me across my face. “No I can't .. Please father don't let me do this,” I trembled.

He dragged me from the floor, slammed me against the wall. “Do you want your punishment now,” he asked. I could barely move. My body was full of bruises, cuts and scars. “No, no, no.. Please,” I managed to let out.

He grabbed me about to punish me for not obeying him until I screamed, “Please. I can't.” I watched as my father took his gun and pointed it at my head. “Well then you know what will happen if you don't. Choose. Either I punish you or I kill more people. I will ruin everyone lives,” he yelled.

“No. Me. Punish me,” I blurted out. I rather get the pain than him harming innocent people. A smirk appeared on his face as if he knew that I would choose myself to get the pain than others. He was sick in his fucking head.

He slammed my head on the wall and released me. My eyes could barely remain open and I knew that I would faint any time soon. He left the room but I knew that it wasn't over. I could hear his footsteps coming back to the room.

Present...

I was only 6. I was a kid but I wasn't clueless. All of my pain started at the young age of 4. By the time I was 5, I knew that I hated my life. I never allowed anyone to touch me because I had been through too much but Sofia was the only one that I allowed in and I don't know why.

I hated physical touch. Shaking hands and hugs. The only people who could shake my hand would've been my brothers, Zade and Damon. But I still hated it.

Eventually when I became the leader of the devils, I had a few girls coming in between my bed sheets but I never liked them. I never fucked them, they were paid to please me but I would always end up kicking them out as soon as they touch me. At first I'd leave them but then I would remember my past and the sick feeling would come to my stomach.

When that happened I would always pay the girls for their time even though they didn't really do anything.  Sofia was different. We are both broken and yet somehow I think we can heal each other.

She has made me fall in love. With all the things I've been through the only thing in my heart was hate until I saw her. I am just afraid. She might run away from me when she realizes that I have too many demons, too many issues and that I am broken.

This is the first time that I actually got to make her mines. I just hope she doesn't leave me. I don't ever want her to. I wish that I could heal because of her and she could heal because I love her but I am just dreaming.

She's been through a lot and so have I. I don't know how to open up and she barely show her emotions. She keeps them locked away but I'm just afraid that she's keeping too much pain in and that she might break from all the things that she kept to herself.

One day she will talk to me but I hope that I can help her because I want to heal her, I want her to be complete but how can I do that when I'm broken too. The sound of the bathroom knocking snapped me out of my thoughts. “Are you okay,” Sofia said in an almost whispering tone.

“I'm not leaving,” she added making me lost in my thoughts again. He would always say those words.

22 years ago...

“father please,” I begged as he brought in 10 people that were all chained up. “You didn't listen,” he threatened. A few of his men barged in with weapons in their hands. I didn't bother to brace myself for what was next because this happened to me several times. I just allowed it, what else was I going to do.

“Don't be a pussy. You are a Ford. You will become a demon. You have no choice. You will become just like me,” he grinned like it was all a joke to him.

The cuts from the knifes and the touch of the whip slapping my skin was not compared to the pain that I endured in my head. I was already in pain that my body rejected the cuts that I was getting. I saw the blood flowing down but I felt nothing.

I was just wondering what was next. I was out of breathe when my father commanded his men to stop. He placed a gun in my hand again. I couldn't move. I had too many bruises.

I could barely lift my hand which made my father more angry. He pulled me by my hair and he dragged me closer to the 10 people that were chained up. “Pull the fucking trigger, ” he yelled.

Bullet sounds echoed throughout the room. I was traumatized. I witnessed murder at the age of 6. I was the one that committed the crime. I killed them.

“You killed 10 innocent people who probably had a family. You are just like me and you always will be,” he muttered.

That's when he began training me. Once I killed those 10 people, he made me train. I was trained to kill people. I would be brutally beaten whenever I disagreed. Sometimes I would not agree with him at all and that's when he would beat me until it was hard to breathe and believe me I wish at those moments that I'd just stop breathing and that I'd die but it never happened.

The older I got he would then want me to do worse things. I was only a teenager when he wanted me to rape girls. That is something that I will never stand for. I could never do that so I would allow him to beat me.

Present....

I became numb at a young age because I knew once my father was alive then there is always worse to come. I can't believe that I waited so long to kill him. My father was wrong. I was nothing like him, I was better.