Something that changed everything

°20•Saying goodbye

Viola

I'm so not ready to go back inside my room. It's the place where it happened. I was sleeping on my bed when I lost my baby. My mother is great. She understood that I wasn't ready to go back in there and she hadn't pushed on the matter. She let me handle this at my own pace. She even let me spend my nights at Ian's.

I know I can't keep running from it. I have to face it if I want to get past this. Today is the perfect day to do it since we are doing our little ceremony to say goodbye.

"Hey, mom," I say as I open the door to enter my house.

She opens her arms, walking toward me. "I'm so happy to see you, honey." She brings me in her arms.

I wrap my arms around her body, smelling her perfume. "I'm so happy to see you too, mom." I missed my mother.

She caresses my hair. "Do you want me to go with you?"

I bite my lips nervously, nodding.

In a time like this, I need my mother.

Ian wanted to come with me, but I told him that I wanted to do this alone. He's outside with his parents, Angus and our friends, Hanna and Johnny. Ian is making the last preparation for our little ceremony.

"Where are Jet and Myla?" I don't want to explain to Angus' children what we are doing today. I haven't told them what happened to me. I didn't have time to tell them that I was pregnant. Someday, when they get older, I will tell them everything. They are just too young to understand any of it.

"Don't worry, they aren't here. They were happy to spend the day with their friends." My mother informs me as we take the stairs.

I stop walking once I'm in front of my door. I don't open it as I still stare at it. I feel my mother pressing her hand on my shoulder. "Take your time. We aren't in a hurry."

I nod my head, letting out a sigh.

I can do this. I encourage myself.

I put my hand on the handle of the door and before I turn it to open the door. I take a deep breath. I finally open the door, and I take the first step inside. I look at my room, and I feel a lump in my heart. I don't want to look at my bed.

The last time, I remember the blood. That night I lost a lot of blood.

When my eyes land on the bed, I start to cry. My mother takes me in her arms immediately. "You changed the entire bed." I sniff, whipping my eyes.

She cups my face in between her hands, smiling. "Of course I did. I didn't want you to come back home and have a constant reminder of what happened to you." I hold my mother tightly, being grateful.

"Thank you, mommy. Thank you." I don't know how much time passes as I cry in her arms.

I hear someone knocking on the door while I'm still in my mother's arms. "Princess?"

My prince. I say inside my head.

The last time I called him that, we were little. Back then, things were easier. W didn't have the same problem as we did today.

"Ian, did you see? My mother bought me another bed." I go to him as he opens his arms to welcome me.

"I saw it, princess. I saw it." He leaves a kiss on my temple. " Are you ready to do this? I finished the preparation. They are waiting for us to start this."

I nod my head, taking his hand in mine. Ian guides me to the back of my house, outside where our treehouse is. This is our favourite spot. That's why we decided to do the ceremony close to it.

I look at every one. I feel nervous for some reason. I shouldn't be. I know each of them.

Ian leans to my ear and whispers. "I think you should do the talking."

"Are you sure? You have as much right as me to talk. They came for the both of us."

He brushes a lock of my hair behind my ear. "I'm a hundred percent sure, princess."

I leave a peck on his lips, thanking him.

"You got this." He kisses the tip of my nose.

I clear my throat. "Hello everyone. Ian and I wanted to thank you all for your presence. To come here today to say our goodbyes to the one we can never meet." My emotions get the best of me as I try not to cry. "Each of you can take a balloon with a marker to write something upon it. Once everyone is done writing their message, we're going to let go of the balloons to see them flying away up in the sky."

I open the plastic bag so everyone can grab a balloon.

As I take the balloon in my hand, I wonder what to write, I take the marker in my hand as I start to write.

'My beautiful little anger. Even if you haven't completely developed inside of me. Know that I will always love you, even if we have never met. I wanted to keep you, seeing you get old, but life had other plans for you. I wish I could have known if you were a boy or a girl. Anyway, know that I love you. In the end, that's all that matters.'

As I wrote, I'm proud of myself because even if I'm sad. I can feel lighter on my shoulders.

I look at Ian as I see a tear that escapes from his eyes. Being careful not to let go of my balloon, I wipe away his tears. Before I have the time to retract my hand completely, Ian grabs my hand to leave a kiss in the middle of my palm, thanking me.

I am curious to know what he wrote, but it isn't my business. This is between the two of them.

"Okay, now I will count to three and everyone will let go of their balloons at the same time. One. Two. Three."

I don't move, looking at all of the balloons flowing up in the sky. Ian wraps his arms around me from behind, pressing his chin on my shoulder. I stay put until every balloon disappears completely from my view.

Miss Green was right. I needed the closer so I would feel a little better. I'm not saying that I'm done crying, but it's a start I need to say goodbye properly.

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