Kathrine Depp

Goodbye

Sparks- Coldplay

Finally, I was home in New York. Not for long though, on the 5th I was going to Los Angeles for the Season 2 premiere of Euphoria.

This time I wasn't told to fake date a co-star.

Josh was begging me to skip it and not go. I said no so he planned to spend as much time as he possibly could with me before I leave. And when I come back we'll see each other again.

We were 100% moving too fast.

Other than that little pit that sat in my stomach whispering to me that something was going to mess up, I had fun.

We talked and talked all day and night long. Josh told me the song Light My Love was written about me and parts of other songs like Trip the Light Fantastic. It's weird to think that a few years ago when we weren't talking he was writing bits of songs about me.

Frannie tried to save me multiple times by inviting me and not Josh to go places but he wouldn't spend time apart.  She was fed up with Josh at this point.

"I'm done"

"??"

"Josh
Like why won't he just spend a few hours away from you"

"Idk I'm kinda fine with it"

"Don't you think you're moving too fast"

"Yes
But I'm happy around him so it's fine
In a few weeks, he will go home and prob not talk
to me for a few months ngl"

"You don't think this is going to last"

"No"

"But do you even like him in that way"

"Yes I don't want anything bad to happen between us but I know it will happen"

"Have y'all done it yet"

"Maybe"

"Really this soon"

"Yes 3 times"

"Damn"

"Idk I'm having fun while it lasts"

That is true we have done it 3 times and countless amounts of makeout sesh. There are also all of the little touches from Josh randomly.

It wasn't like it was before though.

Anytime he would walk in the room or smile I got butterflies. But they aren't there anymore.

It's not that there is someone else it just wasn't the same as it was.

"So when do you have to go?" Josh asked again.

"5th"

"What if because you can't skip it I just come with you," Josh said.

"I don't usually bring people with me to things like this," I said trying to nicely say no.

"Why not"

"Because I'm just so busy and am running around a lot I never see the people I bring with me," I said.

"So you've brought people to things like this?" he said starting to poke the bear.

"Yes but only very close friends, dates, or people who are also in the movie," I said.

"I could go as your date" Josh joyfully said thinking it was an amazing idea.

Josh

Josh

Josh

No

No
No
No
No
No no no

I can't do this right now.

I wanted whatever this was to be fun but I can't do that.

"Josh"

"Yeah Kathrine," he said walking up behind me and putting his arms around my waist.

"We aren't like that"

I felt his arms loosen around me

"We aren't dating"

"Yeah well I know we aren't dating yet," Josh said. I could hear a tone change since what he last said.

"What I mean is that spark we had before isn't there anymore. You may feel the same but I don't" I turned around in his arms now our chests were touching.

"Oh"

You could see his heart drop.

"I fully understand, I'm just going to leave you then I feel like you don't really want me here anymore," he said after a moment of silence.

Josh walked away going into my room to pack his bag. I stood there still in the kitchen. Bag zipped up in hand he walked to the door and put his coat and shoes on. Giving me one last look before closing the door behind him.

I stayed there for a while.

Still.

Quiet.

Not even thinking.

I was in the present moment.

I didn't move till I felt tears rolling down my face.

I leave tomorrow for LA so I need to pack. That's more important than what I'm feeling.

Whilst sobbing my eyes out barely able to breathe I threw clothes into a suitcase and zipped it up.

It was only 10 am but I stayed in bed all day long. Only getting up at 6 pm to feed the cats.

I don't know why this hit me so hard.

💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙
Sorry it's so short and I haven't posted in forever but I just got a job and have been super busy with that.

Also, I may be seeing Harry Styles on September 8th!!!!