7 Ataraxia

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My head throbbed with an ache so dull that everything slowed, my heart, my mind and the soul that I carry

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My head throbbed with an ache so dull that everything slowed, my heart, my mind and the soul that I carry. Allowing such a sensation made the occasion bearable. Neither numb nor aware. I refused to ask him further. similar the way I withheld from looking at him too.

It wasn't my tongue that felt tied and confused with fury and disbelief. I merely laid it to rest so the answers I may receive to the doubts it projects might snatch the little peace I found in our walk back.

I saw her die. Her veins and lungs froze to death. I am trembling inside. But I won't dwell.

Some one froze her.

And he yearns to know about me.

I. Shouldn't. Dwell.

I am so scared.

I must stop.

I strived to not think of it. I succeeded soon since I had revised from an age of young to distract my conscience from letting go.

Patience and hope.

I had distracted myself from setting that niche of mine ablaze. The one that wrestled to bask in the suffering of my tormentors. And it hasn't been much different yet- I still get guilty at such thoughts even with who I believe to be the deserving ones.

So I follow him, the sound of our shoes and the sky above this sleeping city the only consort. Soon the trees and bushes took over the where brothels and mills reside, though it was a long walk there wasn't much that ilks my mind.

I was counting the stars, inhaling the scent of damp earth after the drizzling rain and wondered about the leisure the moon may feel to be so far and safe from the chaos.

But chaos can come in all forms and nature. My eyes fall on the man beside me- and he is there, strolling with me, his steps though vital remaining in pace with mine. As if he was restraining his phase to accompany me. And the more I let the image of him consume me- the fiercely I am assured of my theory.

Chaos can be calm.

And I realised that they are the most dangerous of kind because it's demeanour launders the heart they carry. Reading his heart is a luxury while reaching his eyes was a farce.Its too precise to not envy, it is too much like the lonely moon to not wish to be such.

I fail to map the path again as we reach a new opening, it is a small green house with a doorway through, we pass a set of hallways before he uses a key to another door and slides over a panel disguised as a fence. And like that, we were inside a magnificent library.

It was enormous and so -so tall that I feared I may sprain my neck while admiring the neatly kept stakes of books on various floorings. The library itself was hot and cosy, smelling of old books, woods and coffee beans. There are people, minor and aged , apprentice for ventim in their sky blue uniforms. Their coats were buttoned up to their necks and stopped right above their knees. One could easily separate them, they had their nose buried and lips sealed, it was scary how similar they all looked. Serious, studious and disinterested in what went around them. Almost similar to the Prince beside me-

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