Clover

chapter thirty: recovery isn't linear

⚠️ED, Self-Hate, Shaming, Guilt
NEVAEH's POV:
"SHE said she was eating, I don't understand. We all checked - she was eating."

Nevaeh's head was throbbing, her body thrumming with pain. The voice belonged to Dalia and she had to ignore the pang that shot through her body at the devastation in it. She felt so guilty. She'd lied to them.

She didn't want them to worry.

Her eyes were still shut and she was lying flat on a bed. It smelt clean and she could only assume she was in hospital.

Shit.

"Recovery isn't linear."

Elias.

She could kiss him.

She flushed at the thought. He somehow always knew what to say, and even though he'd only gotten to know her these past 3 months, it was almost as if he could read her like an open book. The only person that could ever do that was Kavi.

"I know, I know. I'm just so scared. She looks dead." Dalia said again, her voice shaking slightly. Nevaeh swallowed and tried to sit up, but her body didn't respond.

She heard a sigh and some rustling. She needed to move. She needed to know what was happening. The two voices went quiet and all she could hear was the gentle hum of the hospital, the rolling of wheels on the floor and the slow, gradual beeping of what she assumed was her heart monitor.

She tried to move her fingers, concentrating so intently on her left pinky. She wanted to move.

"How's Kavi doing?" A new voice spoke, it was deep and hoarse. It sounded raw, almost as if they had just finished crying.

Nevaeh heard a snort.

"As well as someone who was literally pronounced dead can be doing Izzy." A cold voice snapped. It was Elias again.

His words echoed in her mind. Her eyes shot open. Kavi died?

Kavi died.

Elias' statement didn't make sense. Why would Isaiah ask about him if he was dead?

"Elias, you don't need to be so blunt. Kavi is doing better now. He's awake. He's asking for Neveah."

He was alive. Nevaeh let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding in. She needed to move. She needed to go to him.

With a newfound burst of energy, She desperately squeezed her eyes shut and focused on moving her arms, struggling for what felt like hours.

Focus Nevaeh.

Visualising her body, she imagined it moving. It was some mindfulness technique she'd learnt in therapy. She doubted it would work with trying to regain control over her own limbs, but it was worth a shot.

She thought hard about her arm lifting up and down.

She couldn't tell how long she was laying there, raising and dropping her arm in her mind's eye, but she finally managed to raise it very, very slightly from the bed.

Progress.

The voices were a lot more muffled now, and she could only guess they had moved along the corridor.

Her mind was swimming with questions, but at the same time, she couldn't focus on anything. The one thing she was certain of was the need to find Kavi.

She opened her eyes again and scanned the room around her as best as she could. She strained, pushing herself to try and look as far around her as possible. A dull ache greeted her after that, her attempts at pushing her peripheral resulting in the beginnings of a painful fucking migraine.