Eddsworld! Alter Motives

Chapter Nine, "Trial and Fail"

Trigger Warnings!: Smoking, swearing, and depressive thoughts.

     Paul was sitting in his office, drawing out more blueprints for the upcoming weapon ideas. It had been three days since he started the shifts for Red, and already he wished it was his turn. He just wanted to see him and make sure he was doing fine, but that's what the others were doing, and he had to wait his turn. To pass the time, he read the blueprints, making sure that everything stayed in his mind, but he couldn't focus. He looked over to the speaker on the side of his desk, hoping that Red would call for an update, order, or even an odd job.
     "Why does it have to be like this?" Paul sighed, "I can't even focus on reading!"
     He put his head in his hands, trying to get his mind back into focus.
     "This sucks," he groaned.
     He dug through his desk drawer,  looking for his emergency pack of cigarettes.
     "Don't tell me they're destroyed or something!" Paul whined, "No!"
     When he couldn't find the pack, he laid his head in his arms.
     "Life's gotta kick my ass, huh?" He questioned.
     Suddenly he heard a knock on his door. He immediately shot up in anticipation.
     “Who is it?” He asked.
     "Just Patryck," he called.
     Paul sunk back down into his chair
     “Come in,” He sighed.
     "Whatcha doin'?" Patryck inquired.
     Paul lifted one of the blueprints.
     “Trying to read over these, go over the kinks before we send them off,” He said.
     "Oh," Patryck replied, "Seems fun."
     “You bet it is.”
     "Anyways, how's life been?" Patryck asked him.
     “A bit of a pain, I seemed to have misplaced my cigarettes.” 
     "I see, well, I have an extra pack on me."
     Patryck handed Paul a pack of cigarettes.
     “Heh, didn’t know you smoked. You're the one who always gets on mine and Red’s case about it.” Paul joked as he took one out.
     "I don't smoke," Patryck smiled, "I just make sure I have some on me for your guys' emergencies."
     Paul smiled as he put it in his mouth and lit it with his lighter. Most of his anxiety started to melt away as he sighed.
     “Thanks, Pat,” He replied, “What would I do without you?”
     "I don't know," Patryck said, "Guess I'm your saviour, huh?"
     “Don’t let it get to your head now,” Paul laughed.
     "You'll be thanking me so much one day," Patryck smiled.
     Paul took another puff and leaned back in his chair.
     “Who is on shift now?” He asked.
     "Tom, but after him, you're up," Patryck told him.
     “And how long will that be?”
     "In a few hours."
     “Okay, I guess I can wait that long.”
     "Just, don't beat yourself up," Patryck suggested, "I don't like when you're feeling bad. I can tell you're not good right now."
     “Bad? Why would I be feeling bad?” Paul denied.
     "Your fondness for Red?" Patryck said.
     “There is that, but why would I beat myself up over that? He chose who he wanted to stay with,” Paul replied.
     "What I mean is, don't think about it too much," Patryck sighed, "Try listening to music? That could distract you a bit?"
     Paul looked over to his phone and grabbed it.
     “That doesn’t sound like a bad idea,” He sighed.
     "I'll check on you in a bit," Patryck told him as he walked out of the room.
     Paul started scrolling through songs, trying to find one that would spark his interest. He soon came across a song called “House of Memories”. He pressed play and started to get back to work.
     "Huh, not bad," he commented.
     As read over the blueprints, he noticed the song was just his type.
     "This is… Yeah… I don't hate this," he smiled.
     Paul started to regain his focus and started to make adjustments, humming to the song as he worked. His stress was growing lower, and he slowly started to lose track of time. Soon, he heard Patryck at the door again.
     "Come in," Paul said.
     Patryck came into his office. He immediately noticed Paul’s cheerier mood.
     “Someone looks a bit less stressed,” He smiled.
     "I feel the part too," Paul smiled back, "Anyways, what's the news?"
     "You're on shift," Patryck said.
     "Oh! Already?" Paul realised.
     "Yeah," Patryck replied.
     "I'll be there in a second," Paul told him.
     Patryck nodded and left the room. Paul rolled up the blueprint papers and turned off his computer. Next, he got up and walked to sick bay. When he went inside, Tord was asleep. Paul smiled as he sat at the foot of the bed. He was about to put his hand on Tord's, but he pulled it back.
    "He chose who he wanted to be with," Paul told himself, "Don't intrude on that."
     Then, Tord's face went from one of calmness to one of discomfort.
     "Red?" Paul whispered.
     The heart rate monitor was beeping a bit faster. Tord started to grip the blanket. Paul noticed and started shaking Tord lightly.
     "Red, wake up!" He said.
     Tord started turning back and forth in discomfort on the bed, seemingly in some sort of nightmare. Paul kept shaking Tord until he opened his eyes. Tord sat up.
     “Red! Are you ok?” Paul asked concerned.
     "Paul!" Tord gasped.
     Paul lightly removed his hands from Tord’s shoulders.
     “You looked like you were in the middle of a nightmare,” He said as his voice lowered, “Are you ok?” 
     "It was horrible, Paul," Tord grimaced, "I was back at the explosion. It was so bad."
     “Do you want to… talk about it?” He inquired.
     "Yeah…" Tord mumbled.
     Paul sat down next to Tord.
     “Start from the beginning, tell me what happened,” Paul told Tord.
     “It started when I was with Edd and Matt,” Tord started to explain, “We were in the aisle, and Edd and Matt had a jar of pickles. Then I saw a soldier, a government soldier, staring at me. I panicked, worried that I was being found out. So I created a distraction, and I ran. Then it cut to after I got the robot, I was looking down at Edd and Matt when I saw that same soldier again. I was worried he would get them, and thought I was affiliated with them. So I said… I didn’t need friends. I was mainly trying to say it as a distraction, but then Tom fired at me. I thought that they would just.. brush it off. But it exploded. The main difference was, instead of you and Pat being there, it was them. They turned away, angry and ashamed. I tried to apologise, I really did, but they just walked away. Then you woke me up.”
     Tord’s eyes were wide in fear as he looked down at his arms.
     “It’s just… this deep down fear. What I did was so, unforgivable,” He muttered. “I don’t know why they would forgive me, if they really have forgiven me. I don’t want it to come crashing down Paul.”
     “It won’t Red,” Paul replied, “You have to believe that. These men care about you.”
     "I know but," Tord doubted, "What if they actually don't?"
     "Trust me," Paul smiled, "They do."
     Tord smiled back. Paul rubbed Tord’s shoulder.
      “You have done a lot for them, more than what I would’ve done,” Paul assured him.
     Tord looked at Paul incredibly confused.
     “What would you have done?” He questioned.
     “Honestly, I would have supported them from a distance or let bygones be bygones.” He admitted.
     “Bygones? You’d let them stay running from the authorities?” Tord examined.
     “I wouldn’t go as far as saying that…”
     “Dude! Edd is your friend!” Tord yelled, “How could you say something like that?”
     “Look Red, you know I haven’t interacted with them for years before you went to see them-”
     “So what?! If I died,  would you have kicked them out?!”
     Paul put his hands up in defence.
     “No! Of course not!” He exclaimed, “But, you can see my point at least, right?”
     “No, I actually can’t,” Tord replied as he folded his arms.
     “You know that this was a dangerous decision to make, bringing Edd here.”
      “He’s my boyfriend!”
      “He’s also clinically insane! You're a goddamn Brigadier, Red! How many lives are you willing to sacrifice for this one! What if he attacks someone else while on his rampages like Tom or Pat?!” Paul shouted, frustrated.
     “He wouldn’t!” Tord doubted, “I’ll make sure Edd gets better! I’ll make sure his mind gets back to a recovered state!”
     “He has already hurt Matt! What if he does something worse? It took Tom, Pat, and I to pull him off you, what if we weren’t there?” Paul pointed out, “How are you so sure that he isn’t gonna snap again?”
     “I…” Tord wavered, “I don’t know…”
    Paul sighed as he looked down.
     “I just don’t want an incident like this to happen again,” Paul mumbled, “Look, I get you care about them, believe me, I do, but you have to admit that this is very dangerous and incredibly risky.”
     “I guess…” Tord sighed, “But he’s my boyfriend. I can’t kick him out because if I do, there’d be nowhere for him to go. I have to keep him here.”
     “I understand that Red, and I am not saying that you have to kick him out.” Paul sighed, “At this point, it would be an extremely bad idea. But I want you to at least understand my concern.”
     Tord nodded slowly, but then looked down.
     “Paul,” Tord mumbled, “If something did happen… would you kick the out of the base? Would you abandon them?”
     “That’s a very loaded question Red, with a lot of variables,” Paul replied as he scratched his neck. 
     “It’s a yes or no. Would you abandon them?”
     “I- no. No, I wouldn’t.”
     “You hesitated.”
     “So?”
     “No hesitation, would you abandon them? Answer me,” Tord demanded.
    “Red I-”
    “That’s an order, Paul. Be honest with me.”
    Paul stopped and went quiet as Tord started him down. He took a deep breath.
    “Yes. If it was my choice. It would have been yes.”
    Tord went quiet, his face showing multiple layers of disgust and anger.
    “Get out of my face.”
    “Red, I-”
    “Get out of my face, now. Your shift is over. Get out of my sight and call Matt inside.” He said sternly.
    Paul hid his face and walked away in shame. He shut the door behind him. He felt awful. He shouldn’t have brought it up in the first place. There is no way Red was going to forgive him to this point. He trudged back to his room and slouched in his chair, putting his head in his hands.
     Great job Paul, you fucked this up, just as you always do.
     Now because you were so selfish, you made Red angry.
     All because you couldn’t keep your big mouth shut.
     He is never going to forgive you, you’ve insulted his lovers.
     You are so stupid.
     Red would never want to be with you.
     Paul smacked his head down on his desk, tears in his eyes. 
     “Stupid, stupid, stupid!” He said to himself.
     He gripped his hair, contemplating his decisions in life. He started wondering if Tord would ever look at him in the same way, or at all. He looked up at his computer and turned it on, hoping to distract himself again. When he put on some music, he was slightly eased, but still couldn’t get his mind off of what just happened. Paul grabbed the rolled-up blueprints and read them over again. After around ten minutes, he finished reading over the prints and sighed.
     “What now?” He sighed.
     Paul leaned back and lit a cigarette. This time, his thoughts didn’t leave as easily.
     Yeah, smoke your problems away, that’s going to help you.
     Why would anyone want to be around after what you said?
     Oh, wait until Patryck hears about this.
     Wait until Edd hears about this.
     They will never forgive you.
     You.
     Asinine.
     Miserable.
     Failure.
     Paul choked on some of the smoke from the cigarette. He held his head as he put the cigarette out. He sighed. Suddenly heard a knock on the door.
     “Who is it?” He groaned.
     “Patryck.”
     “What is it?”
     “What are you doing back so early? I thought you were with Red?” He asked, “I saw him with Matt, but he didn’t say anything.”
     …
     “Something…” Paul sighed, “I’m not in the best mood right now….”
     “Do you want to talk about it?” 
     “I don’t know... You won’t like it.”
     “The last time you said that I was fine,” Patryck recalled, “What’s so bad now?”
     “This time Red is pissed, and he does not want to talk to me.” He said.
     “Just open the door bud.”
     Paul sighed. He trudged to the door and opened it. Patryck could see that Paul was crushed, and he smelled way more like cigarettes than he usually was. He must have been really down.
     “Geez, you smell terrible!” Patryck tried to joke and brighten him up, “Did you go through a whole pack in the span of 10 minutes or something?”
     Paul nodded solemnly. 
     “Something like that,” He sighed.
     “So what’s gotten you down now?” Patryck inquired.
     Paul went over to his desk. 
     “Red and I got into an argument, mainly because of how he grew upset with what I said about Edd.” Paul started to explain, “It was about how I was worried that Edd was going to snap. He asked if something happened to him and if I would ditch them the first chance I got. He didn’t give me a lot of time to think, so in an act of selfishness, I said I would. I was meaning because of the lack of variable explanation, like what if it was because Edd killed him? What if it was because we got raided? But he got really mad… and told me to get out of his face.”
     Patryck looked at him with shock and worry.
     “I… I didn’t expect it to be this bad,” he mumbled, “H-how can I help, if that’s even a choice?”
     “That’s the thing! I don’t know! I really wish I could just put those words back into my mouth but I can’t! Now Red’s mad, and he obviously going to tell Edd, Matt, and Tom too, and they are all going to be mad!” Paul cried, “And why wouldn’t they be? I fucked it up! I fucked it all up like I always do!”
     Patryck didn’t know what to do. He just slowly hugged Paul.
     There’s gotta be a way to fix this, but how?
     I can try thinking of that later.
     Right now, I just have to make sure Paul’s fine.
     Will he be though?
     “Look bud, you still got me,” Patryck said, trying to cheer his friend up, “We will try to find a way to mend your relationship with Red. There has to be a way to fix it.”
     “I don’t know if there is Pat!” Paul grimaced, “I think this is the end!”
     “Look, don’t jump to the worst conclusion. There has to be a way to fix this. C’mon, you're a technician, you got this!” Patryck encouraged.
     Paul looked away.
     “Do I?” He sighed.
     “I think you do.”
     Paul smiled. He sat back down in his chair.
     “So Pat,” Paul asked, “What first?”

Credits: To Thecheese159846