𝘐 𝘜𝘚𝘌𝘋 𝘛𝘖 𝘛𝘏𝘐𝘕𝘒 𝘐 𝘊𝘖𝘜𝘓𝘋 𝘍𝘓𝘠 (Conan Gray x Fem! Reader)

𝘍𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥

Y/N'S POV

Another night of no sleep, binge watching Conan's videos and listening to his music which I probably should stop doing, just like Billie said I'm only hurting myself. 

I know I talk all strong in my music but In reality I can't process the fact that Conan is actually in my life again. If I wanted to tell him how I felt I could...but I don't have the ball's for that.

Maybe I regret finding Conan's music...? He had an Ep and an album called "KidKrow"
I tried to piece lyrics together but I could only match a couple songs that might be about me. The one that hurt the most to listen to was The cut that always bleeds.

It makes me feel like shit cause I know he felt what I had to go through because of me? Like yea he made me feel like shit and I'm all mad at him for it but I guess I was wrong in the relationship also.

When I was dating heather it was just an escape from Conan, I was escaping that fact that no matter how hard I tried I wouldn't be able to get over him. He had mentioned having a crush on someone so I thought that was my green light. He was finally over me right? So onto the closest person I could find which was Heather, sharp eyes with beautiful hair. All the boys wanted her but I got lucky and was able to pull her for some reason? She quickly caught onto the fact that I was using her...so I dumped her before she got too close.

Conan wrote a song about Heather too...it was actually kinda depressing but from what I've heard most of his fandom is too. "Y/n?" I quickly wiped the small tear that was falling out of my eye, Lexi looking at me with a soft expression. "Oh love are you okay?" I shook my head before she realized what I was watching. "You're literally torturing yourself with this" she wrapped her arms around me, swaying us on the floor gently. "I feel like fucking shit lex" I let myself melt into her touch, my hair messily covering my sweaty face.

"Y/n it's not your fault he just walked into your life out of nowhere, you have a right to feel like this, you weren't expecting it" she ran her hands through my hair as I took in deep breaths. "Everyone acts like it's so casual like...I haven't seen him in forever and I'm just supposed to adjust?" I shook my head.

"I blame Olivia" she held me tighter. "I feel like it was better for Olivia to bring him to me cause if I saw him today just randomly that would've been so bad" I let out a little laugh.

"He was with you today?" I nodded. "I was with him all day, we had the same interviews and he just got signed to the same record label as I'm at so I'm gonna be seeing him a lot more than I would want too" she shook her head.

"If I was you I'd literally move away, just manifest he's not around you that much" she shrugged. "Are you gonna give me your magic rocks?" I joked. "Yup, some clear quartz and amethyst for your issues" she laughed, handing me the two little rocks .

"Thank you" she pulled me into a side hug before kissing the side of my head. "Go take a shower and take a nap or something, I'll make us some food" she ruffled my hair. I don't know where I would be without Lexi, I met her at a college party in this random neighborhood and ever since we've been best friends. We share an apartment with her cat, Nero. He's basically taken over the apartment.

I ran myself a warm shower, slipping into a hoodie and large sweats since I would be free all day, I might do some writing but I just wanted to chill. "Have you talked to himmm?" Billie put her face up to the camera.

"No, and I don't plan to" I tucked my wet hair behind my ears, taking small sips of coffee as I scrolled on instagram. "Leave her alone bil, if she pressured you to talk to your ex you wouldn't like it either" Lexi scolded her. "Yea whatever" she scoffed.

"Have you talked to him?" She shook her head. "He dmd me, I haven't answered though" this quickly sparked my curiosity, asking her what he has said. "He said..." she went on his instagram page. "Hi" she showed me the screen. "Why would he want to talk to you anyways?" I rolled my eyes. "I think plenty of people would want to talk to me actually" she gave me an annoyed look.

"Anyways, you have any plans today?" I shook my head. "You should come over, me and Finneas are gonna be baking all day, you can be the taste tester" "yea I'll see you there" I laughed, Billie hanging up the phone.

~*~Time skip~*~

"He wrote a song about Heather too?" She asked confused. "Yea and it's his most popular one too" I showed her the analytics. "He's become rich and famous because of heather, she probably feels like shit man" she took a bite out her her cookie. "She probably doesn't even know, or care. She's married you know" I let out a chuckle. "At 22?" I nodded.

"I'm telling you she was really hot" I pulled up an old picture of me and her from my old private instagram. "Don't you feel special knowing you are one of the only people that know who the original heather is?" I shook my head. "She was kinda a bitch, nothing too special about her"

"She really is pretty though" she put down the cookie, running over to the oven. "FINN!" She yelled, her brother rushing over annoyed. "What Billie? What now?" He rolled his eyes. "Help me get the brownies" she pulled the pan out of the oven, setting it on the kitchen counter.

"Thank you Finneas" she waved as he left the room. "Oh yea, Conan messaged me again" I tied my hair up, trying to seem the least interested as possible. "What did he say?"

"He asked me if Finneas was available for some producer shit" "why wouldn't he dm Finneas instead?" I shook my head. "Cause he wants to get close to me so he can get close to you, it's simple really" I don't think that's what Conan actually plans to do but if it is he's stupid.

I'm not just gonna be fine with him all of a sudden cause he's my friends friend. If he actually wants to talk to me he's gonna have to earn my trust back, which he probably can't.

A/n:
Y/n is literally me girl is indecisive af