𝘐 𝘜𝘚𝘌𝘋 𝘛𝘖 𝘛𝘏𝘐𝘕𝘒 𝘐 𝘊𝘖𝘜𝘓𝘋 𝘍𝘓𝘠 (Conan Gray x Fem! Reader)

𝘈𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘐 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥

***

3rd person POV

All the things she never said, 5 songs written for Conan. Each song took about a week to finish, each song having a simple meaning on the outside but a intimate and special one on the inside. Y/n's first official project. One that had a record deal and song writers, producers and helpers. She didn't need them though, her lyrics only needed to be touched up. Her writing never changed. And neither did her producing which she usually did herself. She took pride in the fact that most people loved her work plain and simple. At one point they had to convince her stubborn self that they were there to make her already amazing music into something that not only she would love, but the world would love as well.

1.
Stupid

One person on her mind at all times, almost frustrating how much she thought of him. Mornings, evenings, Monday through Sunday. It was constant and it bothered her more than words can express. "Should've read the warning on the label, I don't. Said proceed with caution but I won't. Guess I do it often, I know I'm already gone." It's sad but true. She'd go to hell and back if she could go there with him...passionate right? Not only that but so fucking stupid, every time she pulled back she couldn't help but come back, this time with stronger feelings that tore her to shreds. He was bad for her, her health and her mental state but she couldn't help herself.

2.
All my friends are fake

Guess this song played a big part for her when she was "officially" done with Conan and Ashley. Girls would invite her to party's only for her to be their entertainment. Laughing at how she hadn't lost her virginity or hadn't even had her first kiss. This taught her to not open up to anyone, don't trust anyone. "I stay up wondering, what if I broke my legs? What if I changed my name? Would you still love me the same...or are you just as fake?" She had a bad habit of judging people by their cover. She had been hurt so many times at this point it was like her mind trying to stop any hurt for the future. She saw through everyone. Loyalty doesn't come for free, you have to earn it.

3.
That way

All this song expressed was confusion...her and Conan were at such a confusing point in their relationship that she just had to write a song about it. They stayed labeled as friends...yet they would fight over what they would do, like if they were in an actual relationship. She was convinced that she would never ever date him, which she didn't. They never kissed...at least not before she dated heather. He would kiss her when they hooked up is basically what I'm saying. His playing around broke her heart, making her confused on how she even felt about him In general. "Can't even tell if I love or hate you more"

4.
Tear myself apart

Highschool ended. Absolutely no communication between her or Conan, not even Ashley. She stayed In her room always wondering where she had went wrong...what she did so that he would just drift away. He always said it wasn't her fault when she would ask. It was always "nothing" which she never believed cause he always had a certain tone to his voice. "You make it look so easy, turn around and leave me" he looked so happy without her and that broke her the most. She would stalk his YouTube and instagram. Surprised she wasn't blocked but seeing all these pictures of him having fun without her hurt. Leaving her wondering what was wrong with her?

5.
happy face

On the last week of Highschool...Conan had asked Y/n if she hated him. The question seemed very important to him since he wouldn't leave her alone all day...something that was weird because she hadn't talked to him in months. Y/n at the same time wasn't surprised, yet she had absolutely nothing to say to him. I guess she felt sorry? She felt pity for making him feel the way he did. She knew Conan better than his own parents. She always knew when something was wrong or bothering him, he was quite an easy person to read. Even with his fake smiles and always putting on a happy face for the people around him so the topic wouldn't change to his feelings y/n always knew. "You keep things bottled up inside...I wish you'd give someone a try. You fell apart a million times" she wanted to hold him up, at least before her heart gave out.

"That's why they're so personal and
real. My songs are like me-what you see is what you get"

A/n:
Basically all of y/n's songs are about Conan 😭 this is really cringe, again don't feel like fixing it so I guess we have to deal with it 😕