||Wattys 2022 Shortlist||
Kian Advani was a closeted queer in his high school. Always in denial of his true feelings and emotions. So much so that he did everything to blend in with the rest of the straight crowd. But that didn't mean he wasn't att...
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What would be the consequences if Kian slipped his fingers to the back of his neck and pulled him in for a kiss? One Enzo would punch him across his face, and Kian might lose a tooth or two. Two Kian might get reported for assaulting a straight guy. Three Enzo might kiss him back. The last one was unlikely but still a possibility.
Because, dear lord, Enzo looked so breathtaking under the moonlight; his sharp features and impossibly soft smile were Kian's undoing.
The trance broke when his eyes locked with the boy, and he realized there could be one more consequence of his action. Like last time, Enzo might push him away and look at him with sheer disgust. And that Kian wouldn't be able to handle.
They were leaning against the wall in the back alley of the café. There Kian had spent many a night in his fifteen minutes break. Either alone or with other employees. It was their gossip-slash-smoking area. As if on instinct Kian's hand slipped inside his right pant pocket, fingers tightening around the pack of cigarettes.
Although he succeeded in cutting down his tobacco intake to one cigarette a day, he was already done with that one while crying over his father's silence. With the anticipation, anxiety, and vivid images surrounding his existence in the form of Enzo, the desire to hash it out resurfaced.
So when the silence between them stretched, Kian pulled out a cigarette and held it between his teeth. After giving himself a second to reconsider, he whipped out the lighter and clicked a flame. As soon as the first drag filled his lungs, Kian felt his heightened nerves relax. He didn't like the unhealthy dependency, but it wasn't one of those days when he felt too organized.
"When did you start smoking?" Enzo frowned, snapping his head towards Kian.
"What the fuck are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in Connecticut?" Kian kept his gaze at the roll of tobacco, taking another drag and puffing out a cloud of smoke. Well. That wasn't exactly what he wanted in his opening question, but whatever. Enzo wasn't giving him a good time.
Kian shrugged one shoulder, a sad look passing on his calm face.
"I quit Soccer. I dropped out of college and am planning a fresh start. So, here I am." He folded his hands and looked down at his shoes. Kian stabbed his eyebrows together in confusion. Why would the star Soccer player quit playing and sabotage his career? Most shocking, why would Enzo drop out of college?
"Oh," was all Kian could say.
"I'm sorry for running off like that the other day but facing you after a long time reminded me of..." He raked a hand through his messy hair, and Kian could sense his uneasiness. Of course, it reminded him of the ugliest moment of his life.
Kian took two powerful drags back to back and looked away, letting the anguish inside him flow out with the smoke. "You know, if seeing me makes you feel disgusted, then why are you here today?"
