I See Colors | Taegi

fourty-nine

The moment I walk into gym,
   I feel something wrap around my shoulders
   and squish me.

   When I look next to me,
   I see Hoseok
   with a massive smile.

   "Taehyung~!
   Guess what?"

   I try to shake him off of me,
   and it eventually works,
   as he lets go of me and grabs my arm
   so we can start walking around the court.

   "What?"

   Hoseok squeals,
   and I feel my face flush
   when multiple people turn to look at us.

   "I got Yoongi to sit with us at lunch today!"

   My entire body freezes
   as Hoseok jumps around
   and claps his hands.

   No.
   I don't want to believe that this is happening.

I was supposed to play him guitar in the music room
or help him with astronomy
or ask him about that girl
who gave me a cupcake.

   It's like hundreds of eyes
   are staring at us,
   so I grab Hoseok's shoulder
   to keep him in place.

   "Okay!"
   I say in a sharp whisper,
   that even I didn't expect to make.

   I continue to walk
   in hopes that the thought of people staring at me
   will fall behind.

   Hoseok catches up to me
   and frowns.

   "...Is there something wrong?"

There is so much wrong.

I don't want another friend group.
I don't want the same thing to happen again.

Bonds fade quicker
when they're in groups.

Sometimes
they just disappear
like a magic trick
and suddenly
you're alone.

"It's nothing."

"I caught a liar~"
Hoseok pokes my nose.
"C'mon.
   I'll be fine with whatever you say."

How easy is it for me to say
that friend groups always end horribly
and that for some reason
I don't want Yoongi,
who made me realize how relaxing a color could be,
to leave?

It isn't that I want to be the only one to meet him
and it isn't that I don't want other people to realize
the beauty of the color cornflower.
I'm only worried that
this friend group will fall apart
and Yoongi would hate me
because of something I didn't do
just like my past friends did.

One of my old friends
still goes to this school.
He's in the same pre-calculus class as me,
but we haven't talked at all.

Kim Namjoon.

"...It's not important."

Hoseok sighs.

"You told me you'd be fine with whatever I say,"
I remind him.

He lets out a laugh
and stares at the floor.
"Smart aleck."

   "Oh."
   Hoseok snaps his fingers.
   "Did you tell Yoongi about
   the cupcake incident?"

   In all honesty,
   I completely forgot about that.

   "No..."

   Hoseok sighs and shakes his head.
   "You have to tell him at some point."

   "Why is this
   so important?"

   He shrugs.
   "A girl gave you a cupcake.
   Stuff like that hasn't happened to you
   since freshman year.
   I'm amazed that you're so calm about it."

   Now that I think about it,
   I'm kind of amazed too.

   The truth is that
   I never really cared about that stuff.

   Guys from those teenage romance movies
   would pounce on any opportunity
   to talk to a girl like her.

   So why won't I?