I See Colors | Taegi

fourty-three

My wrist now has
   a white bandage wrapped around it
   like a bracelet.

   I felt embarrassed walking into school
   with it on.
   It's going to tell everyone
   that I'm weak
   and fell into someone's trap.

   But Yoongi keeps telling me
   that my health is important,
   and if people laugh at me for helping myself
   then it's their problem
   because they don't care for themselves enough.

   I was able to get his phone number in the nurse's office.
   I don't like how bubbly I felt
   when I held that paper in both my hands.
It was like holding
real silver.

   Now I'm walking to the music room
   with a new piece of paper in my hands.

   I'm taking a different route this time
   so that I get a lower chance of
   bumping into Sanghoon and his friend.

   Today is the day that I do my best to repay Yoongi
   for everything he's done for me.

   As I'm about to open the door to the music room,
   I notice that there isn't any music playing,
   which is something that I'm not used to.

   The door hits the wall
   as I stare at the empty room.

The room that gave me so many memories
suddenly looks so hollow.
   The piano is like a shadow
   without Yoongi sitting there.

I clench the paper.

I've never felt this disappointed over someone before.
Over a friend.

Friend...

"Boo."

I swipe my head to look at the hallway,
and there is the cornflower boy
covered in black
with the same small but unforgettable smile.

I don't know what makes me do this,
but my body walks over to him
and takes him into a hug.

Yoongi freezes up.

I've never noticed
how I'm only slightly taller than him.
It reminds me of
Mama's hugs.

   He slowly wraps his hands
   around my arms.

"What...
What is this for?"

I smile at his confused tone
and let go of him.

I look at my drawing once more
before looking back at Yoongi.

"...Thank you, Yoongi."

His eyebrows furrow.

"For...everything you've done for me.
For being there
and not leaving me behind.
You may not get it,
but, um, I really appreciate it."

My mind can create paragraphs
of how much Yoongi matters to me
but my mouth has trouble saying
a single sentence of one.

"So...um, here."

I reveal the drawing I made of him
a few weeks ago.

Yoongi looks at the paper
with clear shock on his face.

"You drew this?"

I nod
and stand next to Yoongi,
   feeling more comfortable doing so.

My finger points to the lines
   making up his hair.
"I colored your hair mint
instead of black."

   "Mint is a color?"

   I smile.
   "Yeah.
   It's a really nice color."

   Yoongi and I lock eyes
   and it's like I can feel the world
   slowly spin under my feet.

   The paper is gently taken out of my hands
   and into Yoongi's.

   He puts one of his hands in his sweatshirt pocket,
   which catches my attention
   since Yoongi's now looking down.

   He pulls out the leaf I gave him
   and puts it on top of my drawing of him.
   It's dry now,
   but somehow only has
   a single crack.

   My eyes widen.
   "You have that in your pocket?"

   Yoongi shrugs.
   "It's my good luck charm."

   Gradually,
   as I put the pieces together,
   I smile too.

   Yoongi looks at me
   and I immediately look back.

   "You didn't have to do this for me."
   He glances at my hands.

   "Tae,
   can I hold your hand?"

   My heart warms up
and my hand now feels like
it's missing something.

"There are rumors going around
that you like boys.
Did you hear about them?"

   "Aw... I'm sorry.
   You won't get to go to your king yet.
   People say you hang out with him during lunch.
   Or do you both do something else?"

My hand clenches.

"No.
I can't."

Not now.

Yoongi frowns
and looks at the drawing.
"Oh. Okay.
If that's what makes you comfortable."

He looks back at me.
"I'm sorry for holding your hand in the past.
If I made you uncomfortable, I really apologize."

Weight falls on my heart
as I watch Yoongi walk into the music room.

This is the most I've ever wanted
for someone to hold my hand.