I See Colors | Taegi

thirty-six

There are many beaches in Busan.
   A lot of people like going to Haeundae Beach,
   because many movies and shows have been filmed there.

   A few years ago,
   my sister and I walked to Gwangalli beach.
   She held a camera with both her hands
   while I held
   nothing.

   The beach and sky
   weren't much different from each other
   except the sky
   was much brighter.

   The waves were a shade of blue
   that I could stare at for hours.
   It was like a darker version
of the sky.

   I watched my sister take photos
   of the white bridge behind the waves
   before wandering around the shore
   to look at the small shells scattered around.

   I found a black shell
   that looked like a spiral
   but with holes and cracks all around it.
   I picked it up before the ocean could
   and ran to my sister to show her.

   She glanced at it
   then laughed and told me
   it was ugly.

   I looked at it as well,
   nodded to myself,
   threw it back in the ocean,
   and watched the next wave pick it up
   and pull it away.

   I looked around the beach
   to find a prettier shell,
   but realized it was the only one of its kind
   the shore seemed to have given me.

   It's hard to put into words
   how I felt after that.
   All I know
   is that I wanted to cry
   but didn't let myself.

   When we got back to the hotel,
   I went to Mama
   and told her about what happened.
   I may have told her it was beautiful
   more times than the average person
   calls the sun beautiful.

   She looked at me
   and told me that the next day
   her and I would go to the beach
   to find it again.

   We went to the beach the next day and
   searched for what felt like days to me
   but we couldn't even find a shell
   that was similar
   to the ugly one.

   I stared at the ocean
   and started to cry.

   Mama hugged me,
   which was easier for her since
   I wasn't taller than her yet.

   I learned that day
   that nothing should be thrown out
   just because someone else thinks it should.

   When I can't sleep,
   I imagine that shell
   wash up on the shore
   and someone just as special
   picks it up
   and stares out into the ocean
   without asking someone else
   what they think about it.