The Lycan King's Muse

Ep 41: Baby Blues

I dive into the trench underwater. It's all in my mind, so I am not worried about not being able to breathe. All I care about is to reach Elisa before the anchor drowns her even more in this endless abyss.

The only way for me to stop her from drowning is to transfer the anchor to me. So I untangle the chains from Elisa and put it all on me. After that, I release the fish to swim up to the surface, while I carry the chain on my body.

Our eyes blink and we both are back in the infirmary. Our raging breaths are the only things heard in the entire room.

Elisa is calm now, but the warriors are still nervous about letting her go. Everyone is on edge. Even Ganesh, the other healers, and the patients at the door are staring at us intensely.

"What have I done?" Elisa's lips tremble. She transforms back to her human self. All of her previous strength has vanished and the warriors notice that, so they loosen their hold on her. One of the warriors put on a robe to cover Elisa's body because her previous transformation caused her clothes to be all torn up.

She looks at me with so much paleness. Her eyes tremble with horror. And if it wasn't for me holding her face, she would have slumped to the cold floor because all strength just diminished from her entire body.

"Oh, Goddess... what have I done?" Her voice chokes with tears. That ferociousness I saw in her eyes has changed into terror. Her entire body is shaking as I am sure the realization of what she was about to do is sinking in.

I try to keep my voice as neutral as possible. "You had baby blues, Elisa," I say, "My senior healer taught me what it was. It's a form of depression after giving birth. It could happen because of the hormonal changes and mostly, it's associated with the feeling of having sudden heavy responsibilities of raising a child."

Elisa's whimpers shred my heart. She wails in anguish with her breathing getting heavier. Her tears are hot and they stream down her cheeks fast. "No... my baby... Is... is... is he safe?"

The baby has quieted down behind us. Ed must have returned to sleep as soon as all the loud noises died down. "He is fine," I assure her, "He is safe and sound. And he will be fine. You will be fine, too."

"Oh, Goddess..." her tears won't stop pouring, they pool in my hands. "Ohh... Ohh..." She screams her heart out with more tears coming out. But this time, baby Ed does not cry. It seems like the baby knows that his mother is already fine now, and he is not worried anymore.

"It's horrible... I'm horrible... I'm a monster... I... I... I can't raise him on my own. I don't deserve him–"

I pull her face to me lightly, causing her to return her focus to me. "Elisa," I call her name, "Don't go back to that place." Her baby blues started with the fear of not being good enough to raise a baby all by herself. She lost her husband, her support. And suddenly she has to take care of another life who will depend on her.

Those worries spiral into a solid anchor chain that day by day drags her down into a dark abyss without anyone knowing, not even herself understood what was happening inside her.

"You're not alone," I tell her, "You are not stuck or chained. Baby blues or postpartum depression is more common than we think. But most people don't even understand what it is or how to detect them. A lot more people think it's not something serious and neglect to give new mothers the help and support they need."

Elisa shakes her head. "You... you don't understand... I really... really hated my situation at that moment. I even hated my husband for dying all by himself. I... didn't love my baby... all I saw was a burden, and that I... I..."

She grabs my hands as if her life depends on them. "I wanted to kill us both..."

It takes a lot of effort to swallow the heavy lump in my throat. It takes even more effort to prevent my tears from falling.