The Lycan King's Muse

Ep 8: Ashes

I wet my lips, trying to push down my nervousness. "I need to grab something in the middle of the forest. It's... quite near my old pack territory. So, um... I need... protection..."

Truthfully, I don't think Lyall would agree to escort me to grab what I need. But we've run this far. The pack territory is just a few miles across the river. I am counting on the fact that Lyall would think since it's already near, he would just help me.

"I'll work for you as payment," I blurt out in desperation, "I... I'm good, as a healer. I'll work for free!"

He stands slowly, still with a smirk on his face. Honestly, his smirk is beginning to annoy me. "This item must be really important, huh?"

"It is!"

Right at that moment, a few lycan warriors arrive on the scene. Lyall quickly changes his expression to cold. In just a few words, he tells the warriors to just go back. They don't question him even though they look at me with so much curiosity. I get a feeling they are afraid of him, because of how cold he acts.

Being just the two of us again, Lyall then tilts his head to the side. "Let's go then."

A burden has just been lifted from my shoulders. I release the breath I have been holding. My eyes water while I say, "Thank you," to Lyall. Apparently, the lycan king is stunned by my expression. He quickly looks away from me and leads me to cross the river. It confuses me, but I stay quiet.

Several minutes walk from the river, I start seeing red chalk on a few trees. I follow the signs and Lyall follows me. Until we reach a big oak tree with red and green chalk on its bark. Kneeling between the tree roots, I dig the ground with my fingers, forgetting that I am with the lycan king.

"What are you doing?" he asks me in a shocked tone. When I don't stop, he decides to help me dig the earth. That's when I stop... never in a million years, I would think to see the lycan king clawing dirt to help me. I look at him with puzzlement clear in my eyes. But he shrugs at me and keeps digging until his hand finds a hard wood buried underneath. With one easy, yet powerful stroke, he takes out the wooden chest and puts it between us.

I brush the dirt from the chest. A dragon symbol appears on the wood and I sigh a huge relief. What I didn't know is that my tears poured down the moment I see the symbol. I wasn't aware that water had pooled in my eyes. I hug the wood to my chest.

There is this sore lump in my throat as soon as I hug the item. I can't hold back my cries anymore. It is just too hurtful to keep it in.

I have tried to be strong... to be positive. But seeing this chest reminds me of what I have lost. At the same time, I am so happy that I get to see this again. It's a storm of mixed feelings within me.

And while I am riding the storm, the lycan king only stares at me. Unblinking. Unmoving.

With my blurry eyes, however, I see Lyall clawing at his chest. But I am too focused on my own lament that I don't care to know further.

"Stop," Lyall says after a while. I know it must be a command, but somehow, it sounds more like a plea. Especially when he repeats it with a softer tone, "Stop, Mars..."

I sniff my nose and shake my head. Taking a few deep breaths, I calm myself down while still hugging that wooden chest close to my chest.

"What is that?" he asks.

My eyes look up to his. "My husband's ashes. I asked a witch to smuggle it outside of the pack and hide it here without anyone knowing. So, when I can go back to retrieve it, I know where it is."

I see a conflicted storm brewing on his face. One fraction of a second, I see him turning sour. In the next fraction of a second, I think he is getting angry at me. Yet the next fraction, he looks sad.

I blink. This is the first time I have seen Lyall with so many emotions at once. For someone who couldn't feel... this is huge, right?

"What happened to him?" he asks.

My mouth moves on its own. Somehow, I just feel the need to tell Ed's story. What kind of a person he was, how great we were, and then how things end like this.

I never expected the lycan king to listen to me. But he does. He listens to every word attentively. Not a single time does he interrupt me like the males in my previous pack would. Not a single time he make me feel like I am so silly for holding on to this sadness.

The males in my pack all saw me as an object. Once my 'owner,' Ed, dies, they think I should immediately be obtained by another. They didn't even give me time to grieve. They even dared to say that I should be happy because I finally can taste other men.

Telling this story makes my tears flow again. It just... hurts. My chest has been broken, cracked open, and my heart has been torn apart. I have tried to put all the pieces together but there are pieces I will forever be missing. Those parts died with Ed.

There is a void in my heart that will forever be empty. Sometimes it doesn't feel real that I have lost my husband, my best friend. But at other times like now, it feels like I am stuck in a nightmare.

All the memories we have made, all the laughter, the tears, all of them have become ashes now. Locked in this wooden chest I am hugging.

I haven't had the time to process this loss, with me running away from Alpha Mason and meeting the lycan king. So, now... all the emotions just come running to me and I am... crumbling.

I can't do this. I am not strong enough.

Why didn't the Goddess take my life too–

"Don't say that!" Lyall hisses out of the blue. I didn't realize that the mate bond was channeling my inner thoughts to him. "Don't say that...," he repeats with a smaller voice.

I try shutting down our mind connection through the mate bond. But my wolf refuses.

"I'm sorry for your loss," Lyall whispers. He takes off his shirt, wraps it in his hand to cover his dirty fingers, then gently brushes my tears away. "Stop it, please..."

He genuinely wants me to stop crying. When I look at him, he looks like he is the one hurting even though I am the one crying.

I have never seen a male do this to me other than Ed. Without thinking, I press my face to his hand wrapped with his shirt. His calming musk scent calms me down. Not only that, but something warm is brewing inside me. I can feel it growing as though a flower bud is growing inside me slowly. It is Lyall sending warmth and comfort through the mate bond.

My wolf sighs in pleasure to receive this affection. This is why my wolf didn't want to close down the connection.

The moment I stop crying, the sky decides to cry in my stead. It starts with a drizzle and we both agree we should move right then. Before we can cross the river again, however, it starts to rain cats and dogs.

Lyall takes me into his arms suddenly and he runs while carrying me to the west side of the forest, which is a different direction than we came. I only realize after a few minutes that Lyall is taking me to a cave.

Just in time, when the rain gets heavier, Lyall puts me down in the cave.

"Well," he says, "Looks like we are stuck here for the time being."

–to be continued–