pink nights / sally face

confiding in ash

that night was rough. of course the spark between larry and i was short lived so i wasn't heartbroken but i was shaken up. it all happened so fast. i felt embarrassed for falling into the temptation. it was mutual though, we both fell in too fast. we were better as friends. the spark was infatuation and our connection was platonic. i forget there are platonic soulmates. besides, it was for the best. larry didn't know this, but i was playing love triangle in my head. and that's wrong to do. you don't admit interest in someone while thinking of another. just one more fault of moving too fast. i hadn't given myself a chance to figure out what i wanted.

i sat up in bed and clicked my phone on, 8 pm. i had missed dinning hall hours. i groaned, i hate boy drama. larry was a friend, this whole thing could have been avoided if i had just admitted i wasn't ready.

ash 💜

me: hey, are u busy?

ash: no! what's up :)

me: i'm bored, u wanna come over??

ash: omg yes!

with our school week being done, i decided i couldn't stand a friday night alone with my guilt. besides, when ash and i hang out we're doing school work or getting dinner. it'd be nice to aimless chat without a care in the world.

*knock knock*

i opened the door to see a wide-grinning ash, "hiiii!!"

i couldn't help but instantly smile, "hey ash, i missed you."

"aw, you're so clingy," she teased. "i brought over a little treat by the way." she place a bottle of some hard pink lemonade.

"ash!" i gasped. "our RA would kill you!"

she rolled her eyes, "our RA wouldn't care if we set our rooms on fire. tonight's friday and i've been saving this for the right time. which is now." ash beamed, it felt good to seem wanted.

"ugh, you're kind of right. this has been a crazy week for me and i really just need a fun night."

"that's like, always what i'm down for. my week was weird too, i feel like there's something in the air." she uncapped the bottle, "do you have any cups?"

i handed her two cups, "so, what's been going on with you?"

she poured us both drinks and sighed, "uh, it's complicated."

"i'm always down to listen, i don't mind a long story." i sat criss cross on my bed and took a sip of my drink. i winced, the alcohol wasn't well hidden.

ash leaned back in my desk chair and sighed, "it's a combination of a whole lot of stuff. i mean, i already told you about the art block and everything but i don't know, my parents are nagging me about figuring out my future. they're telling me they want me to get internships and blah blah blah. i don't know," she took a sip, "it feels like the future is just so close. on top of that, i feel like i've been missing larry and sal. like i need more time with my friends and less worrying about school."

i nodded, "that makes perfect sense. an imbalance of your work life and social life is like ... super overwhelming."

"exactly. so, what about you? what's got you stressed?"

i looked down at the pink drink in my cup and swirled it. i didn't know how to say, "i had a slight situationship with your best friend but we fucked it up." i exhaled, "i'm having boy problems that don't even exist." yeah. partially true.

ash's eyes widened, "ooooh, this sounds interesting. spill it!"

"well ... it's like, there's this guy right. and i thought i liked him and i thought maybe he liked me too but the whole thing kind of just stopped, all of a sudden. and i'm not hung up about it, right? it's just ... confusing."

she squinted and nodding, obviously processing what i had just said. "yeah ..." still nodding, "i understand. well- kind of. not exactly that but the whole, it feels reciprocated but at the same time, maybe not ... that really sucks. and so soon into the semester?" she shook her head, "so who's the guy?"

my heart skipped a beat, "uh, he's in one of my classes. we ... sit close in lecture."

ash smiled slyly, "ah, i see. soo, what's the move from there? are you gonna try to talk to him?"

i shook my head sipping my drink some more, "i've accepted it, he actually doesn't sit near me anymore. kind of seemed like a signal, he's not feeling it anymore. which is totally fine with me."

"you know, with halloween coming up, we'll definitely be going to parties. maybe you can mingle there," she wiggled her eyebrows and grinned.

"you're so social, ash. how do you do it?"

"i love talk to people," she shrugged, "it's just fun to get out of your shell."

"have you dabbled in the dating scene here?"

she laughed, "i'm a people person but i'm so bad with dating. like i said, sal and i "dated" in high school and it was such a joke. i mean, we're meant to be just friends so that didn't help but i get grossed out too easily. i'm so bad at receiving sappy romance. sometimes i wonder how i'll ever date with that mindset."

i laughed with her, "i know what you mean."

"i don't want someone to let me win at smash, i want them to beat me if they can!"

we giggled and refilled our cups. getting tipsy with ash was what i needed, i felt relaxed and safe for the first time a while.

"you know, speaking of halloween, have you ever dressed up before?"

i honestly had to think. it'd been so long i couldn't remember. "wow, probably not since i was 10."

she shook her head, "ah! i'm disappointed! you're gonna dress up this year though, right?"

"are you?"

"i've dressed up every year! i love it! of course! see, if we're gonna go to a party, you're definitely going to need to go all out." she pulled her phone out, searching costumes.

i pulled mine out too, "are you sure? people don't stare?"

"halloween parties are like, THE parties. here, everyone goes crazy for it. you'll get stared at if you don't dress up."

i scrolled pinterest but everything i saw was lame. barbie? butterfly? devil? "i'm not seeing anything cool ash."

her eyes still glued to her phone, "i like to do characters. last year i was mabel from gravity falls, i had a little plush pig backpack and fake braces."

what a perfect costume for ash. i wanted to something cool like that, something that fit my personality but wasn't too predictable.

"ugh! this is hard." i scrolled past halloween decor inspo and gasped, "ash oh my god, we've gotta carve pumpkins."

she looked at me with her mouth wide open, "see, i love spending time with you! larry and sal always laugh at me for being over enthusiastic! we're gonna have so much fun this halloween."