I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry. I failed myself.
Last time I did something I didn't want to, just because I felt ashamed of saying no, I regretted it after.
I just did it another time. I refused to say no, to jump in the satisfaction of another person, just to later on, feel sick of myself for doing that.
I could have gone far far from that one point, but I tried to stop, because I knew how bad I would feel after all.
How he forced me, how many times he insisted, how I wasn't strong enough to stop everything the moment I first said no.
And the worst part is that he thought he was the victim for not wanting to go on. But he will never understand how I cried on the train, how I disgusted myself, how I won't be capable of desire anyone else in God knows when. The damage is no joke.
I knew something was off, when I saw your phone camera on. Why did you do that? What was the purpose of that? For that part, I'm glad I was brave enough to ask about that when everything happened, but of course, you won't remember you turned on the camera.
I'm trying not to be hard on myself, but I just can't stop being disappointed at myself.
I'm sorry I got through this once again.
