Slowly fading (Peterick & Trohley)

Chapter 19

Patricks POV:

'It's us' I heard Pete say.

No. No. They can't see me like this. I dont want them to see me ever again. Damn Brendon why would you be in the same area as me. Why were you there when I jumped.

I got of the bed fast. Not really thinking about my physical state. I fell down and with all my power I dragged myself up to my feet and rushed to the bathroom and locked it.

I don't want to see them.

I slid down against the wall and let my eyes close. Hoping I could shut out the world. But I couldn't.

I could here the door of the hotelroom close and I heard several feet shuffeling around. Then I heard whispers.

'I-is he o-okay' Pete whispered.

I heard his voice break. Is he crying? Why would he cry? I'm a nobody. There must be another reason.

It stayed silent. No one answered. I guess they just went away. They don't care and they shouldn't.

This feeling rushed through my body. This urge. I felt so stupid. I couldn't do anything right. I couldn't even kill myself. I'm pathetic. I used to doubt the things Elisa said to me but I know they are true now.
I just needed some release. Something to calm me down a bit.

I picked myself up from the ground and slowly looked around for something sharp. I found a disposable razor. I tried to pick it apart it didn't work. My frustration grew. The only thing on my mind now was to get this razor apart and do as much harm as I could.

I tried with all my might cutting my fingers in the process. Tears pricking my eyes. I couldn't even pick a razor a part. How sad.
I was so busy trying to get the blades out that I didnt notice the door had opened. Untill someone shook me violently. But the only thing I could focus on was this stupid razor.