You Want Me And I Want You || Post Malone

33

Olivia's POV

Everything had happened so suddenly that it almost felt like him ghosting me hadn't happened at all. To say that I regret having sex with Austin—even though it was definitely more like making love—would be a lie, a huge lie. I needed it--we needed it--not only for the sheer fact that the moment I saw him I had to have him, but also because I had to see if it was still there. I had to see if everything that connected us together was there and the more he loved me, the more all those feelings came rushing back to me. I didn't want to cry, I didn't want to make him feel like something was wrong, but after feeling what I did I had to know why he did it because if I didn't, I knew I would just fall right back into the way things were without getting the answers I was looking for and in my mind that was surely a recipe for heartbreak.

I groggily walked around my room trying to make as little noise as possible as I placed the new purse that Austin gave me onto the small white leather chair that sat in the corner or my room, placing my gold heels next to the chair on the floor before shuffling into the bathroom. Even though I knew it would've been a bad idea, I wished that I had just stayed with Austin tonight. I even stalled in the car when he dropped me off wondering if I should tell him that I wanted to just have him drive me back to his hotel, but I also didn't want him to have to drive all the way to my parents' house for nothing even though I knew that he would.

I smiled as I turned on the light, my tired hands reaching out for the faucets as the sound of the rushing water filled my ears. I looked at my reflection in the mirror, something about me looking different after being with Austin. My skin seemed to have a glow to it that had been missing for months, my eyes seemed to have a sparkle that had disappeared with the glow in my skin. I felt like I was getting myself back, at least the version of myself that only he could bring out of me. I shook my head with a small laugh as I cupped my hands together collecting a significant amount of cool water in them before splashing it over my face. I grabbed for a towel with my eyes tightly closed as I pressed it softly against my face, wiping at the mascara that was littering my skin under my eyes as I let out a sigh.

I wanted to be with Austin, I wanted to be with him more than anything and even though I was starting to get the idea in my head that I wasn't going to get him back I knew that I would never ever give up on him, and I'm glad that I hadn't. He was the one person that understood me, the one person that enjoyed being around me, the one person that loved me and even though he left me for Lindsay I had never doubted in my mind that the love he said he had for me wasn't real. There was no way that he could fake loving me the way he did. Being with him tonight confirmed that my assumptions were correct, we still loved each other so much and when he opened up to me the way he did, and I saw the sorrow on his face and heard the anguish in his voice it only made me fall in love with him even more. But, despite the fact that we loved each other, I was still afraid to pick this up right where we left off that night in the hot tub. I couldn't lie I was afraid; I didn't want to get hurt again but clearly my love for him overshadowed how afraid I was that I would get my heart broke again and well, if it ended up happening there would be no one else I could be mad at but myself.

I turned off the light as I walked back towards my bed, my exhausted body falling against the cold covers as I let out a sigh. I definitely wished that I was still curled up next to his warm body, but I had made the decision and now I had to stay with it. I sighed again as I pulled down the covers sliding my body between them as I looked up at the ceiling--more like stared--feeling completely awake. I rolled over trying to wish sleep to come back to me, but it didn't seem to be working. I reached out towards my bed side table grabbing my phone as I quickly pressed on Austin's name, hoping that he was still awake and that he wanted to talk to me as much as I wanted to talk to him and when he picked up on the first ring I knew I was right.