Forever & Always

25: Miss You Dad

Edited: 02/07/2022

A loud boom startled me out of my nightmare. This was one was definitely the worse one yet. My cheeks were wet, and my body was covered in sweat. My heart was pounding against my chest as the remnants of my nightmare haunted me.

I felt like the air was slowly being sucked out of my body and I knew that I was having a panic attack. I struggled out from under the blanket, moving from Caleb's bedroom to mine.

Today was the day. Five years ago, I lost my best friend.

I felt like I was drawn towards my wardrobe where the box of my dad's things was stored.

The first thing I pulled out of the box was a stack of photos and as I went through them, a few tears fell down my cheeks. Next, I picked up one of his jumpers. The material felt warm against my sweaty hands but as I brought it to my nose and took a deep breath, the earlier panic attack started to subside.

My heart was broken. Even though it had been five years, I remember the day he died like it was yesterday. My dad. My hero.

I bit my tongue, trying to hold the tears that threatened to spill. It all become too much and I could not hold them back. First, one small crystal bead escaped from my right eye. I could feel the warmth, sliding down my cheek, and rolling off my chin. Then another. And another. Until my eyes flooded with them, coming like a rainfall. Sniffing every few seconds, they fell, and fell, and I let them.

"Bianca?" I jumped at the sudden sound that came from my door.

"Baby, what is wrong?" Caleb asked, instantly pulling me into his chest.

"Nothing, I am fine. Go back to sleep." I said, trying to hold the tears in.

"It is not nothing, you can talk to me."

I picked up some photos of dad and I and I handed them to Caleb so he could look through them. "He died five years ago today."

"Come here" he sighed, pulling me into his lap as he kissed my head.

"I do not understand how someone so loving and kind could just be taken away from me. I miss him so much and I just want him back" I cried into his chest.

"I know you do and nothing that I say will bring him back. I wish I had have met him because he sounds like an incredible guy" he said.

Caleb was right. There was nothing that anyone could say that would bring my dad back but Caleb's support definitely helped soothe me in hard times.

"I wish you could have as well" I whispered.

I clasped onto Caleb for support as my whole body started shaking. I had tried to stifle the sobs at first but all of my emotions soon took over and I found myself slowly breaking down in Caleb's arms. I felt like all of my defences washed away as the tears streamed down my cheeks.

As I looked up at Caleb, I could see the look in his eyes. He wanted me to be okay, he wanted to help and to make the pain go away but nobody could. I knew I was a picture of grief, loss, and devastation right now, but I did not care.

I sat there in Caleb's lap as he rubbed my back and kissed my head over and over again. Eventually, I could feel my eyes start to droop. I did not know if it was the overload of exhaustions or the nightmare that had made me so tired but eventually my eyes closed, and I feel asleep.

Caleb's POV

We sat there for around an hour as I rubbed her back and whispered things into her ear. I was trying everything in my power to make her feel better. I kept repeating how I loved her and how I was here and that she had so many people here to support her. Every now and then I would ask if there was anything that I could do but she would just shake her head.