Into the Stars (USC Series Book #2)

chapter sixteen

INTO THE STARS
———
MALACHI

I can barely focus on anything right now. All I can acknowledge is the jet of water hitting my back and the obscure words of my friends in the hot tub.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

Those two words echo in my head like a mantra. Maybe if I can ensure my breathing stays at a steady pace, my friends won't notice how high I am right now. I lost count of how many joints I had smoked after the first one and now I am suffering the consequences—if you could even call it that. I smoked those joints of my free will to escape even for just a little bit.

Entering a new environment these past few days has helped more than I could've thought, but today some of those self-destructing thoughts and unwanted memories crept back. Today has probably been the worst since we arrived, even worse than Sunday when I got my two tattoos.

I think the contributing factor in today being so shitty was, for the first time since being away, I finally slept through the night. Thanks to a few sleeping pills, I slept through the night like a corpse. Unfortunately, my slumber didn't last because I woke up because of another nightmare.

Everyone spent the day on the slopes. I tried my best to avoid Jones, which was harder than I anticipated. Brooklynn and Aidan broke off from the group in the morning because Aidan is still teaching her the basics and met back up with us after lunch.

But that left the four of us: Tyson, Holden, Jones, and me.

I remained quiet for most of the day, knowing that I might say something unnecessary or snap at any given moment. Jones refused to look at me, and Tyson and Holden asked me a question every once in a while, mainly about what we would do after lunch. The only response they got from me was a simple shrug. Quite frankly, I didn't care what we did, as long as it distracted me.

It was insensitive of me, but on days like today, I wasn't in control of my body. I didn't know what kind of words were going to leave my mouth and the amount of hurt that could ensue because of them. I was hurting and psyched myself into the mentality that everyone else deserved to feel any sort of pain.

Hence why I am sitting here, high as a fucking hot-air balloon.

Conversation flows around me, all the words blurring into gibberish. I notice the sound of music from a few houses over, but I can't stay focused on the conversation taking place in front of me? Ironic, isn't it?

Throwing my arms across the back of the hot tub, I tilt my head to the sky. My eyes flutter closed momentarily and I take a deep breath of the mountain air. Shivers scatter across my skin that I pay no mind to.

The sun has since set and as the last hours of today pass by, I couldn't be more thankful. I don't want to be stuck in today any longer.

Moonlight casts a dim light on the trees in the backyard and the snow blanketing the ground gleams beneath it as well. The snowing has stopped, leaving the night sky cloudless and empty for me to stare at the bright stars.

I do not know how far the closest city is, but I have never seen the stars and moon shine so brightly. Not since I was a child, at least. Growing up in Florida, there were some great places to go stargazing. My mother took me often, I can remember as much. Everything else from my childhood seems to be muddled, though.

The high is slowly wearing off, I can tell. Raising my head back up, I glimpse around the hot tub. Brooklynn is situated right between Aidan's legs and Holden, across from them.

Aidan places a soft kiss on the side of Brooklynn's head, but instead of melting into the action like she usually does, she grimaces, pushing his head away. Aidan rolls his eyes, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.