𝙍𝙀𝘿 // 𝘽𝙄𝙇𝙇𝙄𝙀 𝙀𝙄𝙇𝙄𝙎𝙃 𝙁𝘼𝙉𝙁𝙄𝘾𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉

alcoholic

"how's your music going blue?" jasmine asked to fill in the silence i could see dad staring at her in disbelief, but didn't say a word. which i'm guessing is because it wasn't the right time?

"it's going good, there is a possibility for a collab with another great artist, but that's only if she likes the song enough to release it. if you're talking about independent work, not that much has been going on. i think i might have to start going to auditions to join a band, that would be great." i replied.

"who's this artist? do i know her?" asked jasmine.

"it's billie eilish, she still on the rise but her music is so fucking amazing, i'm telling you now, she is going to win a grammy one day."

"wow" jasmine reacted.

"she's also blue crush on her." cole teased.

"i thought you grew out of your snitch stage a million years ago." i slapped her arm.

"no, that's good! you really like her?" jasmine asked.

"i don't wanna talk about this while dad is here." i said in a muffled voice, while playing with my food.

"okay well... change of conversation. mom?" cole looked over at dad, waiting for him to start talking.

dad looked up, exchanged looked with everyone at the table and sighed, "okay" he said.

"it's no surprise to you that your mom and i married when we were young and had you, blue, while young too." he started. "about three years later we had cole." he looked over to her.

"when cole was three, we started having problems with our marriage. she cared too much about her looks, i would try and tell her she was perfect just the way she was, but she never believed me."

i don't understand where this is going. my mom was insecure so my dad left her?

"she went to a lot of parties and events with her friends, she knew people who knew people and they were always so rich and famous. she sometimes left without telling me. i never knew what she did in those parties, i tried to put all my trust in her, but it's hard when your wife leaves you with your children every other day and comes back drunk in the middle of the night." dad was staring at the wall to his right, trying to find the right words while recalling past events.

"we never fought with you there. i remember one time, i had to work and your mom wasn't home, so i dropped you off at your grandma's. your mom came back in the morning, she was hungover. we started fighting and then i remember this moment very well, she said that i held her back, i ruined her fucking life by getting her nocked up at eighteen. she said she never wanted this life, she never wanted to be a wife, she just wanted to live and have fun and be reckless forever. your mom was an alcoholic, she still is."

"she can't be." i shook my head, i don't recall ever seeing her drink. ever.

"she is. but she had enough self respect to not show her children what kind of mess she really is." dad replied.

"i don't understand." was all cole could get out.

"she was there when i was in the hospital." i said, trying to defend her. i don't know why i am. maybe it's denial.