Fire and Gold (Nalu)

Chapter 16 ~ Spiral

Lucy's POV:

What makes humans tick? What makes us as a species keep moving forward when it feels like the world, no, the universe yearns to watch us suffer to the point of no longer wanting to get up and out of bed when the sky opens it's eyes?

This meagre, hopeless question ran laps through my head as I sat chained down in that dark, cold transport vehicle.

The soldier no longer spoke, he left me with the only company being my own swirling thoughts. I almost wished he'd speak. Argue with me, hit me, tell me how worthless and pitiful I am. Just speak to me. Distract me from this prison my mind finds itself in. Please. I beg of you. I hate these thoughts and feelings. I hate them. Take them away.

The mother had gone to sleep. Well, I don't know if I could really call it that.
Sleep is peaceful. A time for rest.
She muttered and flinched like a frightened animal. Her eyes darted around under her eyelids making her appear something like possessed. I'd maybe have found it unnerving if I didn't feel so numb.

Ahhh yes, that's it. She's a human that can no longer tick. Can't function. She cannot seem to move forward anymore.
Why? Because the only person, or people in her case, that she lived for, struggled through life for, laughed for, wept for, loved for, breathed for, were gone.

Everyone needs someone. Even the most avid antisocial that despises the idea of interacting with more people than necessary still craves the warmth, comfort and compassion of someone. That one person that makes you feel like even when you're at your worst, you'll be okay. No one ever wants to be truly alone.

Whether we like it or not, we as a human race are social creatures. We crave each other. Some more than others, but no human can survive being completely isolated.
Our minds are too evolved not to care. Not to feel. Not to mourn. We build these beautiful, delicate and precious bonds just for them to be shattered when you least expect it.

When you need those bonds the most, they slip away in a cruel, rigged and dastardly tug-of-war with fate.

Natsu is that bond. My one person. I know that now. Well, I probably always did deep down.
I would have given up, lied down on the ground and withered until there were nothing left long ago if it hadn't been for him. That was the case even before our lives got overturned like this.
I can't believe it took him getting stabbed through the stomach and not getting back up again with that triumphant battle cry for me to see it.

He left me once before. I understand why he did it, he wanted, needed to get stronger. Igneel's death broke him in a way I'd never seen. Yet another of those dastardly bonds that shatter when you need them the most.

The war against Tartarus took a toll on all of us and Natsu needed his father. And he had him. But for what? 15 minutes? What crueler fate would decide to steal a father away from his son when he only just got him back? A fate that wasn't worth fighting for.

So he left.
I get it. I really do. Pain drives even the strongest of people away. And I've always hated myself for feeling this way but... I resented him for leaving. Or at least, leaving without me.

I needed him. I needed my person so very badly.
When the guild disbanded I could have gone with anyone. Gray and Juvia offered to let me go with them, Erza did, Wendy, Levy and even Cana did.
But, as much as I love them, and I really, truly do love them with everything my heart has to give, they just weren't him.

They just weren't Natsu.

I spiralled. I barely moved or ate, I spent all of my time laid in my bed without ever getting even a wink of sleep and all I had left to do was wonder why he and Happy didn't take me with them.