Memories of Dispair (Editing)

Chapter-Demons Are Inside Us And Sometimes They Win

Picture of Alex

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I paced with my head spinning around as the alcohol is still swirling in my head. I sat down on the pavement of the empty parking lot curling up into a ball 'Get your shit together Monica, get up and fight, you were am officer in the marines' telling myself mentally knowing I have to pull myself together.

Getting up from the pavement I dust myself getting back inside the car taking my phone out of my pocket calling Francis "Where the fuck are you!?" his constant yelling almost blew over edge "I'll meet you at the house Francis...I'm fine I just needed to think" I hung after that knowing my voice would've cracked at first sight.

Driving with the windows down makes every thought able to fly away; the wind just brushes over you able to think with no hesitation, with no gun to your head telling to what to feel or think, able to escape the radioactive life just for those spare seconds before reaching for your destination, and before returning back to that person your pretend to be so you won't show that you are not broken only to be cracking in the inside instead.

When I arrived at the house I saw Francis leaning against the wooden frame of the door with the plaster of a concern look "Francis?" my voice low and fragile that seem to uncover my 'I'm Okay pretend self' looking away shamelessly "Monica I-....I don't know what to do. How do you expect me to help you if you can't even help yourself?" hearing his heavy steps comer over to me "I never asked for your help. So you can save yourself the trouble" storming inside feeling something deep inside of me snap.

Next Day

Stretching like a monkey the memories came back of what I have said too Francis. I got up walking barefoot to the kitchen tile floor noticing everyone has either gone to work or went to run some errands "Mony" my lips spread into a smile turning around and hugging my dad ever so tightly, my dad hugged me back; the feeling of his rusty not shaven face beard pokes my cheeks.

"How did it feel having to travel?" my dad was in the air force when I was just a newborn barely opening my eyes to see the world flash around me; so it has been in my blood to join the military and do something to my dad and to make him proud of me " Good, just that fact deserts are no place a person wants to be at" amusing tone surrounding my words with stamina "It's even worse when sand storms hit" my dad chuckles deeply from inside his body as he shook his head that look somewhat similar to a blending machine.

My parents didn't look old, in fact they can pass as my Aunt and Uncle that are in their mid-30's or 40's that is wearing some anti-aging cream they give too mostly rich folks that live uptown of New York city, we of course live in New York but in Orleans County.

My dad has only a few stance of grey hair, somewhat unshaven face like always, with his jet black hair that shine raven in the sunlight glare, his blue piercing eyes can instantly look through any soul, and he always made sure to stay fit for my mother which is very sweet in some weird way. My mother has that old but shiny dirty blonde hair that curls at the tips, eyes exactly blue but more soft ocean like, tan creamy skin that seem to flourish in with flowers around her, her arms are slender and soft, at the her eyes she has small little wrinkles that anyone can see up close, her legs look rather smooth as she always puts coconut cream saying 'It helps with stretch marks' which is rather true.

Sitting down on the chair I can feel the coldness hit my legs lightly, I pulled back my red blood looking hair into a messy bun " I heard you and Francis argue last night. Is everything fine?" he glances at me with those curious eyes that are to profound to look at "Yes, we just got into a little disagreement" the lying words slipping out my mouth; poisoning my tongue with despair like never before, he nodded seeing a small frown as he sipped the coffee he made while talking to me; then I knew that my dad knows I'm lying to him.