Memories of Dispair (Editing)

Chapter-Blood Is Thicker Than Water

Picture Of Francis

Song for Francis

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After last night I couldn't sleep, the walk didn't even help which is bullshit seeing that doctors' recommend that walking helps you with stress release. I think those doctors' need to get their priorities straighten out when it comes to walking false advertisement it what it means.

Well after the walk I came back to my parents house but sneaking in was the hardest, I felt like I was some teenager and if my parents woke they would give me a heck of a woopen. I stretched out on the floor then saw a bright light of camera flash, looking up I saw Alex "You and your pictures I swear" I said with an amusing tone that sounded unrecognizable to me; Alex chuckles leaning against the wall "It runs in the blood Monica" his voice sounded like a release stress as he let out a low sigh through his nose.

Alex and I went for a drive after I was done getting dressed up in a; sky blue shirt with black sunglasses logo, ripped blue jean shorts, white laced sandals, and my dog tags I will always wear till the day I die. I know I have to talk about it but I hate talking about my feelings and how I saw so much shit that I now carry it with me everywhere I go. We stopped at a park as Alex looked over at me with the deep brown eyes molding into my skull "Are we going to talk about what happened between you and Francis last night?" looking down I got out the car slamming the door on him.

Talking wasn't on my best mood for today along with listening too that is not in my genre as well. When I got out the car I saw a bench deciding to sit down and enjoy the little breeze hitting against my skin; knowing that I better enjoy before its gone when I don't grasp onto it.

"Monica!?" I jolted with a flinch as I looked at Alex and rose an eyebrow at him wondering why was he yelling at me for "Sorry I was daydreaming" I apologized running a hand through my red hair "What was the question again?" but from the loo of it Alex looked concerned taking note that I probably asked this already without paying-attention "I was asking, how was it working with men and women across country?" I sigh and nodded clearing my throat to answer, but I just couldn't; the words come out and I felt stuck seeing the memories flashing at my eyes "....It was...a great experience" I mutter lowly trying to find my voice then loosing it again.

***

After the park along the incident, I kept trying to shake it off talking myself in that I'm fine and nothing is wrong with me, but the more I did the more I know that I'm that something is wrong; maybe I just don't want to admit that I'm broken or maybe need some fixing here and there, because I'm here finally home I just don't want to say anything this can all go away soon.

I sat down on the couch by Francis; smiling at him apologetically for what happened the night before "I'm fine Monica. You can't hurt me that easily" he said with his confident tone like always that had him with a tugging smirk that makes him look like a some Calvin Kalyn model, I chuckles amusingly and replied, "Whatever" shaking my head laughing at the conversation "Jerk" he said giving me his traditional double nod "Bitch" that is are traditional nickname for each other.

We looked around making sure that are dad or mom didn't see us, as we lit up the joint "Remember when we climbed on the roof and we both smoked a joint?" I looked over at Francis with an amusing tone; passing him the joint seeing him smirking enjoying it "We both freaked out, fuck I miss it man" Francis answers laying down on the roof completely as I did the same; the feeling of the effects of the joint took over right away, and always I want some serious junk food "There's a party at Alex's place." Francis mention's, after that the quietness swept over us.

Few Hours Later

Looking in the mirror I grinned at the way I look with my black and red lace cocktail dress knowing that this will be a great time to get things off my mind and to just let go; maybe the women or men there will be my type of hotness, I grinned at my thoughts as I grabbed handbag stepping out of my room heading downstairs'. When I reached the last steps I saw Francis and Alex waiting at the kitchen while all you can hear is little bites of chips and smacking sounds of gum that can ring in your ear "I'm going to leave you guy's here" I yelled leasing out the door.

Once I made my way to the car on my pair of Star War vans I leaned against the car a smirking playing onto my glossy red lips seeing Alex and Francis stumbling out "That is not fair!-" he yelled walking over to me "-it's my part but I being rushed to go back to my place" he chuckles amusingly getting into the driver seat, although it gave me an idea on what to do at the party. I got in the back seat leaning my head back and resting as I'm still tired from all the running around.

When we arrived at the beach house of Alex I almost felt myself faint at the beautiful setting of it, since my parents never were into big places we lived in small area's and one time my parents lost their jobs and we lived in a poor neighborhood for five years until they got back on their feet. Stepping inside the house I smiled knowing this is going to be a great party.

Drinks after drinks I felt myself relaxing and with the alcohol numbing me deeply inside that hid every emotion deep within me. I briskly walk over the dance floor starting to dance heavily with some women and men enjoying myself, but then it all start to slow down when I hear a crack of fireworks; sweat triple down my neck stickily, breathing heavily I can hear my heart racing along, making me look around anxiously. With all that I punch the guy and push the girl in front of me lightly feeling all eyes on me, until then I felt my head spinning running out.

I can hear the screams of my brother and Alex telling everyone to calm down and my name along with it too. I couldn't stop myself getting in the car and driving off feeling my hot breathe panting highly; I tried to think back on what happened as it turned black once my fist clench on me at the dance floor. I ran a hand through my hair hearing my phone ringing in my handbag knowing that Francis is calling me, but I can't answer. How could I ever be able to explain myself on why I snapped /again/ all I know is that I can't explain myself right now.

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I Finally Updated after soooooo long of waiting. I hoped you enjoy please VOTE and COMMENT :)