The sixth sense

EPILOGUE

EMMA
One year later

I upload a new video made for my channel, feeling as nervous as never before. In the world we live in, it's hard to reveal your emotions and show your weakness. People love perfection and carefully polishes pictured from Instagram. No one cares about your problems. But I still believe the video I made deserves to be on my channel.
When it's loaded, I watch it one more time, even though I'd watched it three times before that.
"This year the number of my followers grew from one and a half thousand to eight thousand. All thanks to the contests and marathons organized by L'Oréal Paris. Now it's time to talk to you about something very personal and share my story with you. All because more and more of you started saying how beautiful I am and that every make-up looks good on me. But if you watch my very first video, you will know it's not quite true. I didn't delete anything. Because it's a comparison that will help you see the progress and the amount of work that has been done since then. I would call my story 'An Ugly Duckling'. Few people know that I've been suffering from ED. What's that? If you ask Google, Wikipedia will give you the following definition: an eating disorder is a mental disorder defined by abnormal eating habits that negatively affect a person's physical or mental health. There are several types of ED, but the most popular ones are anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating disorder. I suffered from the last one, trying to resolve my emotional problems with food. I ended up hating my body and myself in general. The main reason for ED is a false delusion. 'You're not normal until you follow the social standards of beauty'. A Cinderella's story in various versions. A before and after an endless run, TV shows, movies about turning a mouse of a woman into a stunning sexy beauty. The magazines' covers, ads, and billboards. Everything around us makes us believe that beauty is our main treasure, our main goal, and our weapon. The idea is very dangerous, especially for a teenager with acne, braces, glasses, and excess weight. Being a teenager, I wouldn't stop wondering why I couldn't be like one of those perfect models from the pictures. I truly believed that happiness went along with being slim, having pearly whites, smooth skin, and shiny hair. Because it's exactly what everyone thinks is the standard of beauty. A makeover turned into my pet project. I thought I needed to change myself and become beautiful. No one ever told me to remember about my personality and its qualities. No one ever told me that tastes vary. And today, I'm making this video with the only purpose. I want you to believe that being loved, carried, and respected don't have anything to do with your appearance.
Beauty is not happiness. No one loves you for your tiny waist and your long legs won't help you make friends. I wish people remembered about the things that can't be changed with makeovers. Change your style and be happy! Let a surgeon change your nose, cut off excess fat, start working out, and follow a diet. But never love yourself with fat, cellulite, and acne! This is where the ED starts. You start following one of those popular diets everyone talks about and lose weight. But does anyone know the receipt for happiness? No, unfortunately. To be honest, nothing about your life changes with losing weight. And when you see no changes at all, you start eating everything that comes to your hand, and the damn weight returns. Then you open one of those stupid articles, talking about the importance of physical beauty, and decide to try another diet. Still, no progress in finding your happiness. The circle is never-ending. You try over and over again, but nothing helps.
And then, you hate yourself. You feel down and unhappy. Your self-esteem drops below zero and you don't know what to do.
That was when I fell in love . . . with my best friend who was kind to me and accepted me unconditionally. Now I know I would fall in love with any other guy who would show at least a little care and attention. I liked the fact that I didn't need to change for him; that I felt normal with him. But the main problem was I still hated myself and I didn't know how to change that.
Our relationship was a failure from the very beginning. There wasn't a future for us because from the very beginning, we were different and it always felt like something was missing in our romance. Now I know a strong relationship and love start with the love for yourself. I didn't realize that until now. Back then, I tried to hide in his care for me, demanding more and more attention because it felt like the only thing that kept me breathing and made me feel special. I'm making this video, telling you my story because there are eight thousand of you with me now and I'm a beauty blogger. The beauty industry is based on our fears, imperfections, and the desire to perfect ourselves to be like Kim K., Bella Hadid, Hailey Bieber, Kylie Jenner. Buy the cream they use, the cosmetics they use to be their poor copies. But I'm a beauty blogger and I'm begging you to be yourself. Love yourself for who you are! Learn to look in the mirror, see your imperfections, and call them your signature features. I'm not beautiful, I'm just like you. With cellulite, stretches, and excess weight. I have acne problems and the dark circles under my eyes can be really terrifying. But I love myself. I accepted myself with all my flaws because I can't buy a different body or become a different person.
Love yourself and never compare yourself to someone else. You're unique and it's your signature feature.
With love,
Always yours,
Emma."
I close my laptop and stretch in my chair. I hope this video will be helpful. Even if just one person watches it till the end. It will mean the world to me. I would give away a lot to hear someone say all those things to me when I needed to hear them. I know Pauline will most likely make fun of me after she watches the video. But I also know she's proud of me. She made her dream come true and became a student of IFA Paris—the best school for designers. You won't see many guys there, which is why her tinder activity becomes more popular these days. I love her stories, especially something like, 'I can't believe I went through epilation for that!' She was the very person who told me about L'Oréal marathons. She told Dad and Amelia about them and the three of them made me participate in them.
My first task was to create a lifting make-up. And Mom was the first to volunteer her help, letting me create magic on her face. Her make-up consisted of all the rainbow colors and she loved it! She said it was brave and unusual and made me upload the video, adding the contest hashtags. My work was different from anyone else's and I made it to the next tour. Everyone was trying to help me, including Paul who agreed to a man's make-up and let me use all the shades of pink and crystals. My princess-style video with him got more likes than any other video on my channel. Pink looked good on him, but those were his unstoppable jokes and smileys that won so many hearts. Now Paul's a student of the law department of Assas. I'm sure his professors adore him and girls lose their minds over him.
I didn't win the contest but my third place was a great achievement too. And I'm so thankful for all the help my family and friends showed me. I'm also thankful to myself. My impostor complex still lives inside me but I won't stop fighting it and become a great makeup artist.
I didn't get a wink of sleep last night. It's early morning outside and I want to go out for a while. I put on my jeans jacket and go out to meet the sunrise. I watch the sun, rising above the horizon. It's around half past six and a huge crimson ball illuminates the Bastille square. Then the sunrays move to the Henry IV Boulevard and fly to the west of the city. Just a few minutes later, the sun reaches St. Loui Island. The trees make funny shadows dance across the Bourbon Quay buildings. The sunrays wake the city. Paris fills with life and looks even greener. People walk down the streets and I can feel the smell of coffee in the air. I put my air pods into my ears and turn on the music. Then I take my scooter and decide to have a short ride around the city.
The roads are still empty, so I let myself speed up a little, and fly across the wide boulevards. My purple hair flies with the wind. It's another thing that has changed during the past year. I love my new hair color. I still remember Mom's first reaction to it. She was speechless. I watched shock leave her face, being replaced by fury. I watched the fight in her eyes; she tried her best not to start shouting at me again. Finally, she forced a smile and said, "I think you need bangs."
I laughed because watching her at that moment was so funny. And the next day, I added bangs to my new hairstyle and it looked good. No wonder my mother is one of the most popular style experts in the world! Remembering that time still makes me smile. I speed up a little more. I love the feel of the wind in my hair. I feel so free! So alive and I fly as if there are wings on my back.
Selena's song bump in my ears and I start singing with her:
I needed to
Lose you to find me
This dancing was
Killing me softly
I needed to
Hate you to love me.