The sixth sense

Chapter 15

EMMA

I quickly take off my dress and put it on a chair.
"What's the rush, doll?" Pauline asks.
"I need to talk to Adam."
"Why am I not surprised to hear that?" she smirks.
I ignore her sarcasm.
She catches me by the elbow. "Let him be the first to come and talk to you, Emma. At least for once."
I don't know what to say and she hugs me. "Sometimes you just need to wait and see what someone else will do for you."
My eyes are flooded with tears; my lips are trembling. "He didn't return my calls or respond to my texts. But he answered Lili's call. She sent me a text, saying he's all right and that I should stop worrying about him."
Pauline smiles sadly and shows me her middle finger. "Then how about you say 'screw you', Adam?"
"You know what? Sometimes, I can't stop wondering about the roots of our friendship. Why do I keep sharing my thoughts about my relationships with someone who isn't dating anyone?"
"I can't believe you're doubting my professionalism," my friend laughs. Then she winks, adding, "Have you heard the saying 'Coaches don't play'?
It doesn't make me smile and she keeps trying to brighten up my mood. "Emma, do you really believe I'm so naïve and stupid?"
But instead of smiling at her words, I declare, "He's my entire world."
Pauline purses her lips. "You should be his entire world, Emma."
I shake my head, trying to stop the flow of tears.
"Go home and turn your phone off," Pauline says, gliding her palm down my hair. "If he doesn't show up at your door by tonight, he's a piece of shit you need to get rid of and move on."
I shake my head even harder. "I can't . . ." I start sobbing. "I can't live without him. I don't even want to think about it."
Pauline rubs her temples and gives me a bottle of water. "He'll come, Emma. He will because it's Adam. He always comes when you need him."
"Do you really believe he'll come?"
"I do," she responds. "He loves you and he's been taking care of you your entire life. He'll come no matter what but you need to stop following his every step."
I nod and take two sips from the bottle, trying to calm down and suppress the growing hysterics.

At home, Dad and Amelia are sitting on a sofa in the living room, watching a comedy.
"Wanna watch it with us, Emma?" Dad asks.
I shake my head. "No, I'm tired."
"There's a baked pudding in the oven," Amelia says with a warm smile on her face. "Isn't Lili with you?"
I shake my head again. "I saw her at around four in the afternoon."
Amelia frowns and takes her phone from her pocket. "Where is she then . . ."
I leave them alone and go to my room. I'm dying to take a shower and for this stupid day to be finally over. I walk to the bathroom and take off my clothes. I look at my body and frown. Cottage cheese covers my hips; my stomach is far from flat. I think about missing tonight's dinner and get into the shower. The steam of hot water is soothing. I put some shampoo on my hair, trying to get my thoughts together. I pray for Pauline to be right and for Adam to come to see me tonight. But my inner voice keeps whispering there's nothing to hope for. For the past two weeks, Adam and I haven't been very close. There's a distance between us and it's growing. Nothing like that has ever happened before. My tears mix with the water, running down my face. I can't help myself and my emotions are overflowing.
After taking a shower, I put on my home robe and wrap a towel around my head to dry my hair. Then I sit on my bed and check on my phone. I didn't turn it off, still hoping to hear from Adam, though I know he won't text me.
Someone knocks at the door.
"May I come in?" Dad asks.
"Sure," I say.
He walks into the room and smiles at me. "Is everything all right?"
"Can't say it's the best of my days. I've been better."
He sits down next to me. "Love problems?"
I frown and he smiles.
"No one says 'love problems' anymore, Dad."
"But I still do," he says, proudly raising his chin.
My lips twist in a smile.
"Wanna talk about it?" he asks.
I shake my head as a no.
"I see . . . but there's nothing you can't resolve with a dialogue," he says, and seeing my puzzled expression, her adds, "a compromise is a key to every relationship. You need to listen to each other, understand each other, and explain your wishes and the reasons for your actions. Silence leads to misunderstanding and offense. Explain and ask your partner for explanations; forgive and ask for forgiveness; talk and do everything in your power to save what you two have, but never walk away without a word."
"What if he doesn't want to talk?"
Dad looks into my eyes. "Then ask why. Don't torture yourself with pointless theories. Ask a question and get the answer. And remember—never let someone else's offensive actions bring you down. Resignation is the worst basis for a relationship. Unlike dialogs and compromises."
I wrap my arms around him. Surprised, he laughs and rubs my back gently. "My girl, everything's gonna be all right."
I want to believe that too and as if by magic, my phone rings, announcing the arrival of a new text message. It's from Adam. I grab the phone and Dad chuckles.
"I'd better go." He stands from the bed and walks to the door.
I look at him, saying, "Thank you."
Dad stops at the door and replies, smiling kindly, "Any time."
'Are you at home?' I read Adam's message.
I type a 'yes' in response and send it.
'Will be there in 15,' another message from him says. I take a screenshot of it and send it to Pauline.
'Told ya,' she types back and I rush to the mirror to make myself look presentable.
It's funny because Adam has seen me in my worst. Dad's words echo in my head, 'There's nothing you can't resolve with a talk.'
I wait for Adam at the staircase, nervously shifting from one foot to another. He doesn't take the elevator and walks up the stairs.
"Hey," I mumble when I finally see him. His lips twist in my favorite smile, though he looks a little guilty.
"Hey, Ems."
I wait for him to kiss me but he walks into the apartment and takes off his shoes.
"We need to talk," we say in unison and I feel paralyzed for a moment.
He stares at me, then takes his folder, and heads for my room. A bad feeling starts to form inside me. I clench my fists, trying to suppress the worry. Adam sits down on my bed, I walk into my room and close the door behind me.
"You first," he says and I shake my head.
"No, you first. I wanted to talk about you anyway."
Adam looks nervous and he's avoiding looking at me. He can't decide how to start this conversation.
"Whatever it is, just say it," I begin.
He nods with his chin to the chair in the corner of the room. "Why don't you take a seat?"
"I'm good."
I wrap my arms around myself and wait. I know his words won't be good.
Adam pauses for a moment, before saying, "I don't know how to say that . . ."
"Why are you avoiding me?" I ask. "Start with explaining that to me. I think there should be a good reason for it. Am I right?"
No matter how hard I try to play it cool, my voice is breaking, giving away my nervousness and offense. I sound like a capricious child again. He nods and runs one hand through his hair.
"The girl I met in Italy has arrived," his voice is quiet but firm.
The words feel like a splash of cold water. I expected anything but that. Adam's following my reaction and I'm sure shock and disbelief are written all over my face.
"Arrived in Paris you mean? After all those months?" I know my questions might sound silly but the only response he gives is a short 'yes'.
I start passing the room. My head is about to explode. I feel the rush of heat rolling down my spine. I open the window and let the fresh wind cool my cheeks.
"Ems," Adam calls my name and stands from the bed.
I turn around abruptly and meet his stare. "You can't do this Adam. Not you, of all people! You can't leave me."
Tears run down my face. My hands start to shake. Breathing feels like the hardest thing to do. I can see the regret on his face and shake my head, refusing to believe it.
"No, no, you're not breaking up with me. Are you? Whoever she is, she's been away for five months! Did you even think about her? It was so good to be with you all this time . . ."
He steps closer, catches my hand, and rubs my fingers. "Ems, I'm not breaking up with you . . . I just . . ."
I lean into him and lock my arms around his neck. "I love you, Adam. I love you so much. Don't do this to me, I'm begging you. You and I . . . we were perfect for each other." I cry hysterically and my words are hard to decipher. "I can't imagine my life without you. You're my whole world, Adam."
I feel his embrace tightens. His palm runs down my hair as if soothing me.
"You're the only person who cares about me," I whisper, sobbing.
"Calm down, Ems. Everything's fine. Do you hear me? Everything's gonna be all right."
I move so I see his face. He looks lost, just like he did the first night we met. I can see the same shyness, uncertainty, and worry.
"It's my fault, isn't it?" I ask, recalling Pauline's today's word about my behavior. She was so right after all. "I'm too capricious, egotistical, and I always demand more and more attention from you. You're tired of me, aren't you?" The rivers of tears keep running down my cheeks. "I've been such an idiot . . ."
Adam's eyes are full of remorse. "It's okay, Ems. I'm with you now," he says, wiping tears from my face. "It's not your fault. Okay? It's not your fault," he repeats firmly.
"I'll do better, I swear." I take raspy breathes and see him shaking his head.
"Emma, it isn't about you," he says again, then curses under his breath. "God, I hate myself right now. Let's just . . . forget about this conversation."
He wraps his arms around me again and my lips start searching his, desperate to kiss him. Adam hesitates but then kisses me back. I pull him closer and deepen the kiss. Kissing him feels amazing. I sink my fingers into his hair, thinking I would never let him go. He's an essential part of me now.
But Adam breaks the kiss and sighs loudly. "My lip," he explains, rubbing the red spot.
"Will you stay for the night?" I ask, almost pleading.
He thinks for a moment. "I'm so tired, Ems," he says uncertainly.
I smile. "Then let's just sleep. Or watch a movie and eat in my bed. How does that sound?"
He looks sad and lost, but I don't give him a chance to say 'no'.
"I've got cheese chips!" I say, excited.
Those are our favorite. Well, they're his favorite and I spend my whole life loving what he loves.
When I was a kid, all I wanted was to have something in common with him. The something that would belong to us only.
The corners of his lips move up in a forced smile. "I don't think I can 'no' to that."
I try to laugh and run to the kitchen. We can pretend that stupid conversation never happened at all. We can pretend everything's still fine between us. Those thoughts play like a mantra in my head. In the kitchen, I see Lili. She's sitting at the dining table, eating salad, and reading a book.
"Where have you been?" I ask.
I take chips and put them into a bowl. Then I open the fridge and take Coke and ketchup.
"I was out," she says, following my moves.
"It's for Adam," I say, chuckling and pointing to the bowl.
"Is he here?"
"Yes. We're having a romantic night with a movie and chips." I try to sound normal as if nothing ever happened between Adam and me. I would do anything in the world to forget my boyfriend almost broke up with me today.
Lili doesn't comment on that and returns to reading her book. I don't even know if she heard me at all. I put everything on a tray and leave the kitchen.
Adam's looking for a movie to watch on Netflix.
"Here're the chips!" I announce, watching his tired smile slip off his face slowly.
"Cool . . ."

I can't fall asleep, studying his face and imagining falling asleep to him every night, for the rest of my life. He's so handsome. I can feel my heart fills with love and flutter. My Adam . . .
The sunrise pools the room with the light. I get out of bed to drink some water and trip over his folder. It opens and the drawings scatter all over the floor. The noise makes Adam move, but he doesn't wake up. I sit down and start gathering the drawings. One of them catches my attention. It shows Lili. He must have sketched it at school during one of the classes because it's made on a worksheet piece of paper. It's rough and done in a hurry. There're three sketches like that. All of them show Lili from different angles. I frown, puzzled, and reach for the folder. I open it and see a portrait made in pencil. From an A4 piece of paper, Lili's looking at me. Her eyes are big and bottomless; her nose is small. Her lips are beautiful, lush, and full. Every small line of her lips is perfectly pictured; her face looks live and real. The corners of her lips are lowered a little as if she's holding back tears and scream. Despite that, she looks so amazing and perfect. But it's not her beauty that stuns me. It's the eyes . . . they look so deep, so real, and so unbelievably sad. They are full of frozen tears. One more second and they will run and flood the portrait, leaving wet marks on her cheeks and neck. Her eyes look like two mirrors, reflecting nothing but sorrows and pain.
I quickly put the sketches back into the folder and shut it. I feel distressed from what I've seen. Like I just saw something too personal; something that should have not been seen by anyone. I push the folder away, drink some water, and go back to bed.
Lili by Adam's eyes . . . she looked bewitching in her silent scream. I wonder why he decided to draw her and never showed that work to me, or why he fought with Paul because of her. Why is he watching her when she can't see him? There're so many questions in my head. They're eating me alive. But I don't have enough courage to voice them. Not after what happened last night.