The sixth sense

Chapter 22

LILI

In the morning, I wake up from the knock at the door. Mom walks into my room and sits down on my bed.
"Wake up, sweetie. Today is Emma's performance in the theatre. I need you to buy flowers for her.
I pull the blanket over my head, trying to hide from her. Mom laughs and tickles me. I move around my bed, mumbling and laughing.
"Did you have fun last night?" Mom asks, smiling, and then adds reproachfully, "Lili, just look at you! How many times do I need to tell you to wash off your makeup before going to bed? Or do you want to ruin the tenderness of your skin?"
I pull the towel over my head again and say, "I promise to never fall asleep with my makeup on again."
I don't need to look at her to know that she's shaking her head now, frowning. "Come on, Lili! Get up! Take a shower, have breakfast, and go buy flowers! Emma just left for her final rehearsal."
Mom leaves the room and I sit up in my bed unwillingly. My dress is on the chair and I'm completely naked. I couldn't make myself take a shower last night and now I'm scared to look at my reflection in the mirror. The performance, the theatre. I completely forgot about them.
I get out of bed and walk to the bathroom. I still need to do a lot of homework, but that, as always, will have to wait for the night. I look in the mirror and curse aloud. I look like a walking zombie. I wash my face several times to remove the remnants of my ruined makeup. The shower helps me feel alive again. I go back to my room and open the windows.
It's spring outside! The sun is blinding and I let it warm me up with its rays. I put on my favorite blue dress and leave the room, shouting, "Mom, what flowers do I need to buy?"
"Come have breakfast first. Jerome made an omelet for you."
Every time he does something for me, my heart sinks and I feel like crying and laughing at the same time.
"I added cheese and tomatoes in it," he says proudly and gives me a plate.
"Thanks." I grab a piece of freshly baked baguette.
"It's been two days that we stopped running in the mornings. If we keep skipping our runs, my already imperfect body will suffer a lot."
I force a smile. "The omelet is delicious. And don't worry, we'll continue running in the mornings."
"Did you have fun last night?" He repeats Mom's question.
I lower my eyes. "Yeah, the party was great, loud, and fun."
"Cool." He takes a sip of his coffee.
At the mention of the party, my appetite dies. The omelet is amazing, but the memories of kissing Adam kill all the desire to eat anything at all. I can't believe I initiated that kiss. All I want now is to hide under my bed and never leave the safety of my shelter. Still, I make myself swallow the rest of the omelet and put the plate in the dishwasher.
"What flowers does Emma like?" I ask.
Mom walks into the kitchen. "Take my credit card. I don't have cash. And buy whichever flowers you like most."
I switch my gaze to Jerome and he shrugs. "She likes all of them."
I leave the house and go to Rue Cler. I step on the block stones and find myself in a magical world. This Saturday morning, the street is buzzing with life. I see so many things around me: vegetables, meat, cheese and flower shops, cafes, terraces, and supermarkets. I can't believe you can find it all on one small street. I stop at the flower shop and look at the bouquets they sell. There are peonies in the baskets. There are so many of them and they smell amazing. I want to buy a big peony bouquet.
"Bonjour, mademoiselle!" says the owner. He smiles at me, showing his distant teeth. His smile looks sincere and a little funny.
"Bonjour! I need a big bouquet of peonies."
"Thirty or forty flowers? What color do you prefer? Crimson and pale pink?"
"Pale pink. And make a bouquet of forty flowers, please."
He wraps a dark brown paper around the flowers, I pay for them, and go back home. For a moment, all the torments in my head leave and I let myself enjoy the weather. Spring and Paris is the best combination in the world.
When I come home, I see Mom. She's ready for the day. She's wearing a beautiful creamy dress and a pair of matching flats.
"The performance starts at four and we need to leave the house earlier because the traffic jams might complicate the ride significantly."
"What do the yellow jackets want?" I ask.
Jerome makes a helpless gesture. "No one knows the answer to that question anymore."
We go to the theater and get stuck in a traffic jam. Our school rented the theater for a charity performance. Apart from the performance, there will be dancing, poetry reading, stand-up, and of course, a mini-concert of our school band. In short, Madame Ferrar made everyone work for a good cause.
We park the car and go inside the theatre. There are many parents, students, and teachers inside. Everyone came to support the performance and pay twenty euros for the entry. We pay for the tickets, but they let us inside without checking on them. I carry the bouquet. It's pretty heavy and my hands start to swell.
Jerome comes to my rescue. "I'll take it."
I give him the flowers but I don't get a chance to catch my breath because Madame Ferrar grabs my hand and pulls me out of the crowd. "Lili, follow me, please. We have a problem."
Mom says 'hi' to her and rushes me to follow her. "Go, go, Lili. Maybe you can help them."
Do I even have a word in it? I think, following the Madame. She takes me backstage with the numerous decorations all around the place. They show houses, forest, and a garden.
"The girl, who was supposed to help Adam, got sick! He can't do everything alone! We're running out of time and he needs help."
"But I have no idea where to put the decorations," I protest. "I'm sorry, but why don't you help him?"
"Because I need to take care of the music, Lili!" She gives me the iPad. "Here, look at the pictures. Adam will take care of the heavy objects and you'll add the small details: the tablecloth, the vase, the pictures, the carpet, and the pillows." She keeps going through the list of things I need to do, pointing to the pictures on the iPad. "Take it and look at the pictures before every new scene begins. I'm sure you can do that!" She looks a little nervous. Checking on her watch, she frowns. "I need to go. The performance will start soon. Everything's ready for the first scene so make sure you know what to do for the second one." She smooths her hair, calling, "Adam! I found you a helper!"
Adam walks in and stops stone-still.
Ferrar leaves and he mumbles, "My life has a sick sense of humor."
I give him a murderous look. "Oh, please, spare me your smart-ass comments. Let's better focus on our work. When it's over, we'll go separate ways again."
He doesn't comment on that and I look at the screen of the iPad again, trying to remember the details. The performance begins. I feel a little nervous and start biting on my nails. I shall do justice to Adam. He helps me a lot and does the biggest part of the work himself. I put the pillows on the sofa and a vase on a coffee table. Adam has everything under control.
Emma looks happy on the stage. Her face is glowing with joy. It's new to see her play a stuck-up woman but she knows what to do. The performance lasts for about forty minutes. Adam and I don't have time to stay alone. There are many students backstage, waiting for their performances to begin.
Finally, everything's over. Darcy and Elizabeth kiss, praised by everyone's applaud. The students on the stage bow and the audience applaud even louder as if they just watched a famous Broadway performance. The students on the stage laugh and then leave. Some talk about the forgotten part of their text, others are being praised for the perfect improvisations. Adam and I take the decorations away.
"Did you draw them?" I ask, finally breaking the silence between us.
He looks puzzled. "Stop it," he says, ignoring my question. "Stop pretending nothing happened last night. Stop calling me names, run away and then talk to me as if you didn't do anything of the above. I'm not made of iron, damn it, Lili!"
I can see how angry he is and how little he likes seeing me now.
"What the hell do you want from me?" he asks loudly. "Don't you think you've tortured me enough by now? Or is driving me crazy your new way to have fun?"
"I don't want anything from you, you're right. I should keep my mouth shut and stop doing stupid things."
"So, you think our kiss falls into the category of stupid things you do?" he looks into my eyes. "So, you think my feelings for you are stupid too?"
I feel anger boil inside me. "I don't give a shit about what you feel for me, okay? I don't feel anything for you!"
"Is that why you kissed me?" he flares. "Damn it, Lili, you didn't just kiss me. You blew my mind with that kiss! And you keep repeating you don't feel anything for me?" I don't move and he steps closer. "Last night you remembered our Halloween party. Didn't you?"
His face is just a breath away from mine. Suddenly, my anger fades away. I look him in the eye and feel like I'm losing myself in him.
"More than anything in the world I wanted to take you home and wake up with you," he says.
My heart skips a beat. Pulse beats in my ears. I don't see anything but Adam and the emotions pooling in his eyes cover me full force, smashing everything on their way.
I want to hug him like never before and just be with him. I love him so much; pretending I don't is pure torture.
"Good to know you two finally decided to tell me the truth."
Unexpected. Harsh. The voice full of insult and disappointment.
The words knock all the air out of my lungs. I turn around slowly and look at Emma. She looks at us from the stage, switching her furious stare between Adam and me.
"It's so good to know your close people never lie to you," she adds, biting on her lip nervously. "Because everyone of us deserves to know the truth, right?" her voice starts to shake and she runs away.
"Fuck," Adam whispers and runs after her.
I can't move. I'm lost and shocked and I don't know what to do. Keep lying to Emma or try to tell her it's not what it looks like is pointless and humiliating. Trying to defend myself is humiliating too. And asking for her forgiveness is stupid. I'm not that brave to come and ask for her forgiveness. My words won't change anything because 'forgive me' never saves anyone from pain.
My phone rings. It's Mom.
"Hello?" I say in a hoarse voice.
"Lili, where are you? Everyone left, but I can't find you."
"Mom, I need to go home," I whisper.
"What? Are you not feeling well?"
"Don't worry, I'm fine. I just need to go home. I'm on my way to the subway."
Mom stays quiet for a moment. "Is there anything I can help you with?" she then asks.
"No, thank you. I need to stay alone for a while," I say and she lets me go.
Some of the subway stations are closed because of the strike but one of the workers tell me where to switch trains to get to École Militaire where we live.
Half an hour later, I'm finally at home. It's quiet and warm there. I go to my room and sit on the floor next to the window. I can't believe I screwed so many things up in such a short period of time. I feel sad and lonely. I still remember Emma's furious face and her words about the truth echo in my ears. I want to tell her I tried my best to stay away from him, but I know it's pointless. I stand from the floor and take my red notebook. It will be my last memory about us, Adam. My last entry and the last thing to keep us together.