Love and Other Shit That Makes It Hard To Sleep

whiskey

The only people awake at 4 a.m are those who are in love and those who are heart broken.
I am both.
You are neither.
Because while you're sound asleep in bed, I lay awake in mine dreading the first time I ever fucking saw you.
Drunk me always has a habit of making bad decisions. Mostly you. So I don't touch whiskey anymore. Leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Like the whiskey, I can't even look at you. Because I know I'm the one forcing my eyes not to shed tears over why I was never enough for you. I fucking loved you. Why wasn't that enough ? Why couldn't you love me too? I know they say love isn't enough and I guess I'm finding out the hard way that it's so very true. I was hopelessly in love with you. But to you, I was a fucking toy. A pet. A play thing. You devalued me. Now, I feel worthless and I don't know how to make that feeling go away. I gave you my heart , and you laughed as it shattered on the floor. So now I've built walls like skyscrapers because I can't take the rejection, or the pain of being used again. Leaving you behind was hard , and you felt nothing because I was just another girl to you. But you were my light. Now it's dark and I'm stuck fumbling around looking for a flashlight that doesn't exist. A flame in the abyss. I'm cold and cold hearted. That's what you left me with.
They say the only people awake at 4 a.m are those who are in love or and those who are heartbroken. But I am neither. I'm just broken and cold. So it's 4 in the morning and I'm taking pulls from a handle of jack to try and forget the bad decisions I made. Mostly you.