Moonshine

Chapter 16- Trávma

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

The breathing had helped, when he'd broken down. The breakdown, as he'd taken to calling it in his head.
Not that he ever thought about it much- it wasn't exactly a pretty memory to ruminate on.
But now that it had popped into his head, it seemed like he could focus on nothing else. He hated that, the sense of fixation on one thing- and more often than not, that thing would be something that hurt you.

It was summer. The beginning of it, not long after the end of term. They'd returned from school two weeks ago, and were enjoying the brief burst of sunshine.
Edmund had had hard days throughout the past year, since they had returned to England the last March.

But that day was the worst.

He didn't know why. It wasn't anyone's birthday- Lucy's birthday had passed last week- or any anniversary- but from the moment he'd woken up, he felt suffocated with sorrow.
With grief.

For Narnia- for Sanya. For his children. For everyone he had loved, and left.

He tucked the emotions deep inside, however, as he got out of bed- for it wasn't possible for him to go about his day if he kept feeling all those things.

It was just his luck. He couldn't remember how he had loved them, how loving them had made him feel, but he could still feel the pain that their loss caused him.
What an utter tosser his heart was. And feelings in general were.

He hated being thirteen.

"You look cheerful." His mother commented as he plodded down to breakfast, his face like thunder. "You've no excuse for feeling off, Eddie, you slept in."

"Headache." He muttered, and his eyes went to the clock on top of the doorway. Almost ten o'clock- no wonder the house was quiet. His father must be at work already, Lucy at some sweetshop or the other, and Susan out sunning in the garden. But Peter? Worry circled his heart- what if he'd got into trouble again? What if he was getting beaten to death in some dodgy alleyway somewhere? "Where's Pete?"

"He was feeling the heat, so Lucy took him with her to the ice-cream shop. They should be back soon, though." Helen said, turning around and leaning against the oven. Her pale face was covered with a sheen of sweat, and she flapped her hand at her face. "One day the weather is as gloomy as a black cat, and the next it's like we've an Indian Sun."

"That's England weather." Edmund shrugged, grabbing a slice of toast from the plate on the table. Indian Sun- from what he'd read about it, India was similar to Rihaaya. Warm, overpopulated, with a very defined culture. If Sanya had been born in his world, she'd probably have been Indian. "It'll be all grey again by evening, probably, Mum."

"I hope not, there's this garden show in Camden your dad's taking me to in an hour. He took the rest of the day off." She smiled a little- ever since her husband had been honourably discharged from the war after taking a bullet to the shoulder, he'd been quite the ideal husband. "D'you want to come with? I know flowers aren't a very masculine thing-"

Swallowing the toast, he shook his head, "No, Mum, you two go have fun. Get some fish and chips on the way home."

"There's food at home, just ask Susan to heat it if we're back late." Then she saw him inch towards the doorway again, apparently to return to his room. "One toast isn't enough, sweetheart, have another. Do you want marmalade?"

"I'm not hungry." He said, raising a hand to wipe the breadcrumbs off his mouth. The nausea was rising in his throat already, his body rebelling at the sensation of nutrition and being awake. "If I feel hungry, I'll eat something later, don't worry."