Brighter Than The Stars: Book One

Alternate 1.9

Her room was quiet as she sat down to put her pen to the paper, but she could still hear the faint sound of voices coming from downstairs. Her father's voice, her mom's, Elijah's. Closing her eyes, Madeline remembered every small piece of the last twelve years. Every tear, every wish, every unspoken hope. Then, she opened her eyes, and began to write.

Elijah,

My father was right. You are loved. You matter more than you could ever comprehend. It wasn't just my heart that broken when you left, but my family. We did our best to fix it all up, but there was a big missing piece you took with you. Because they aren't just my family, they're yours.

The day after you left, your father came looking for you, pounding his fist against the door and screaming to high hell. When he asked where his son was, my dad remained calm when he told him, "Elijah isn't your son, he's mine, and you will never lay another hand on him as long as you live."

And he didn't. You left and started your own life, far away from him. But it was also far away from us. No matter the distance, though, you never stopped being a part of me. I didn't tell you this, but on the day of my graduation, I could feel you. At first, I thought maybe you'd died and we'd never known, and it was your spirit with me. But that was the only time I could truly feel your presence. I nearly broke down when I got home, and it was confirmed. So many years had passed, but I could feel you there, your eyes on me, because you are a part of me, Elijah Martin.

Then, Madeline paused. She needed to say this part to him, no matter how much embarrassment it caused, and no matter how much damage it could do. There was a real chance he wouldn't stay if she said this to him, but it wouldn't be fair to either of them if she left it unspoken.

Now you're here, back in my life, and that part that feels you is so much bigger than it should. I can feel your eyes, and your smile, and all those little touches. There is nothing in this world I want more than to have you stay, but I worry my heart will break all over again, no matter what you choose.

If you do stay, I'll end up falling in love with you. It sucks to admit, but I have to, because you deserve to know the truth before you decide anything. Waking up in your arms, how it felt, I know that feeling's going to get bigger every day. I'm not sure if I even have a choice in that. I don't think there was ever a choice. My heart couldn't let you go. It's been a day, and I'm not in love with you yet, but there's no universe or timeline where I can guard my heart when it comes to you. Fate's telling me you were always meant to be my first love.

Maybe what I'm feeling is something else entirely. Seeing you as a fully grown man, maybe my mind's just playing tricks on me. My body reacting to your touch because I can finally feel it again. My mind reacting to the sound of your voice, because I hadn't heard it for so damn long, I almost forgot what it sounded like. Maybe it'll all just fade once I get used to having you here. Something tells me that won't happen though, which is why you should know now, rather than me letting this all play out.

If you leave again, it'll hurt like nothing else I've ever felt. It'll hurt worse than before, because It isn't just my friend I'll be losing, but my family. And apparently, possibly my fate. The North Star will burn out in a blaze of glory, and there will be no man in the star to confide it. Like I said, calls and letters will only be a small part of you, which would force me to hold onto something I can't truly have.

So, I guess I'm fucked either way. The only problem is, I don't know which option will suck more.

-M&M

She could have probably gone on for three more pages, but Madeline cut herself short. She'd already poured enough of her heart out.

Rather than take the letter downstairs with her, Madeline left it in the top drawer of her desk, along with his first letter to him, and his second. What the letter said, she wasn't ready for him to hear it. Not in front of her parents, not until they were able to enjoy this time with Elijah. After he read it, who knows how much time they'd have with him?

It was easier to hand him the letter before bed, then send him back down to the guest bedroom. After reading it, he likely would be unable to sleep anyhow, so there'd be no worry about nightmares.

She stepped into the shower, ridding her body of the sweat from a hot summer's day. But there was no ridding herself of the knowledge the letter would change everything.

Elijah could read the letter, decide maybe it was better to leave now rather allow her to fall harder for him as the summer progressed. He'd come back in the fall, after she left for college, fix up his father's house, sell it, and disappear. It seemed the most likely option. Elijah would want to avoid breaking her heart as much as possible.

That meant, he might also decide to stay, thinking being there for her as a friend was better than not being for her at all. That sounded like Elijah too. He'd come back for their friendship, so it would only make sense for him to want to stay. If he chose that route, Madeline could only imagine the awkwardness that would ensue. But would it be worth it? She'd still be able to have her best friend back, even if only for a while. Although Madeline would allow the decision to be left to Elijah, it was also her own heart on the line, and she'd have to figure out if his friendship was enough anymore.

"Dinner's ready!"