Make me remember (to forget)

Chapter 53

"Adam, you will not believe this. You need to come and see Logan's bedroom," I call out on Adam, laughing, before walking to the kitchen. 

Adam has his back turned. "Adam? I literally cannot believe it. His bedroom looks like it has come out of a detergent ad."

But Adam doesn't say anything.

"Hey, are you okay?" I ask as it hits me that something might be wrong. I place my hand on his back before sitting on the chair next to his. 

"What's wrong?" I ask, before noticing a paper in his hands. "What's this?"

It's Logan's handwriting. My heart drops to the pits of my stomach before I snatch the letter from him. 

Dear Emily and Adam, 

I don't even really know where to begin, but if you're reading this, it's because I already left. 

I can feel my chest squeezing tightly. "What?" I manage to whisper before looking at Adam. "It says here that he left, Adam. What the fuck is he talking about?" 

Adam doesn't meet my eyes, instead, his hands cover his lips. My eyes wander back to Logan's handwriting. 

I'm incredibly thankful for everything that you have both offered me. Thank you for the memories that I will forever cherish, from the extravagant adventures that we've had such as climbing the highest peaks of the region to the most mundane afternoons we've spent doing the laundry or cleaning up the kitchen. 

I will never forget what we had. You showed me that the world can be beautiful and believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. For that, I will forever be grateful. 

Unfortunately, our time has come to an end and we must part ways. I wish you all the best.

Sincerely, 

Logan.

PS. I found out about what happened that summer this morning from Mar. 

Time stops as I try to comprehend his words. But all I see are letters - letters merging with one another, spinning in my head, spinning me into an endless abyss. 

"I don't understand," My voice is a broken whisper. I read the letter again. I re-read the words over and over again. 

He can't be gone. It's Logan. He wouldn't just leave. He can't go - No, no, no, no. God, not Logan. Please, not him too. 

My heart squeezes tightly in my chest as I taste the saltiness of my tears. Adam takes me into his arms as I shatter. 

"I'm so sorry, Emily," Adam whispers.

But I can't say a word. I can't say a word because it hurts - it hurts everywhere. Because I'm six years old again, watching my mom leaving again, thinking to myself, am I ever going to see her again?

Because I'm twelve years old again, meeting my father for the first time, only to realize that I'm scared and I want to go home but I don't have a home. 

Because I'm sixteen again, my heart breaking as the social worker informs me that Adam's adoption request was rejected. 

Except that I'm not. I spent all this time protecting myself from getting attached to him - because every single person I love is bound to leave me. I can't believe I thought he would be different. 

"Emmy, I'm so sorry. I hate to see you this way, baby," Adam hugs me tighter. "Please, you're breaking my heart."

But I can't stop. I can't stop because the ache I feel inside is too strong to stomach. Logan is gone. My Logan is gone. 

And he just left. 

He just left... Without even saying goodbye. "So, what? He's just gone?" My voice shakes. I pull away from Adam, shaking my head as I start dialing Logan's phone number. "He can't just pick up his things and leave. He can't, he-" I bite back my sobs as his number goes straight to voice mail. 

A rush of anger overtakes me as I throw my phone against the wall. 

"Emily!" Adam shouts. 

"He's gone, Adam! We can't let him go, we need to - we need to go get him. He's probably still in the airport-"

"Em, we can't-"

"Yes, yes, we can. Come on, let's go, we still have time. Or we can just book a flight to NYC and -"

"Em, stop."

"Adam, no-"

Adam grabs my arms and forces me to look into his eyes. "Em, calm down, breathe."

Tears stream down my cheeks into my neck to suffocate me. "I can't breathe, Adam."

"In through your nose, out through your lips. Just like we've practiced before."

"I can't. It hurts," I say, as I press a hand to my chest. 

Adam engulfs me into his arms. "I'm so sorry, Em. It's going to be okay, I promise."

I press my forehead against his shoulder. "I love him, Adam." 

"I know," He breathes out. "He'll come back, for sure. But we need to give him space, okay?"

I don't say anything because I don't trust myself not to break down. 

The worst part is that somewhere deep inside of me, I knew we'd never end up together. I knew that things were too good to be true. 

And it absolutely breaks me that there are thousands of moments that I had taken for granted - just because I assumed there would be more. 

a/n

not gonna lie, my heart was literally aching as i wrote this. vote if you want a quick update! ;)