Blood Bath

chapter 4 // con

It was brutal play he would do with me. They were games, always games, but without a chance for me to win. The least of his punishments included burning, cuts, branding, and starvation. It only got more worse as he realized it was an escape for his anger. I never made a sound, a scream, anything. I began thinking that the way to get through to him was show him that it did not affect me.

Everything came to a brutal stop after three years as he poured gas onto my face and dropped his cigarette onto me. It lit my face up into flames throwing me into a screaming horrific mess. I will never forget his face as he poured the water out on me, begging me to accept his apology. My screams of finally breaking against him, released the cage he was stuck in.

It was only then that he realized he drained me of all my emotions, my control, and my will for life. I had never seen him move so quickly to uncuff my hands, kiss my forehead and slink back to the desk. He turned towards me, tears pooling down his face, muttering that he was sorry before shooting himself in the head.

I sat for three days in that dark room, malnourished and unable to move even though freedom was right in front of me. The cops finally entered after my dad did not report for work and took me with them.

My life was a wreck and I was never coming back from that day. I was thrown into foster homes, medical facilities, mental and even psychiatric hospitals. They could not figure out was wrong with me due to the fact that I never spoke. After not speaking for three years, I rarely found a reason too.

After I was emancipated on my eighteenth birthday, I couldn't control the anger anymore. I began killing every father that had been awful to his kids. Sin found me when I was nineteen, a murderer and homeless on the streets. I was about to throw my life away, turn myself in for killing all those men.

Years passed as Sin began training me correctly, giving me a family and a home, and a place to belong. Sin saved me, my life, and my soul. He saw himself in me, a young kid screaming for help. Although, I wasn't sure how many more pieces were still needing to be put back together. My mind still was never right and I don't know if it ever will be.

The black walls and furniture gave it a dark look that most people would get the chills from. Nothing was white, it wouldn't last long with the amount of blood we have in here. White was gross anyway, it looks preppy and fine. Yuck. After dowsing down the last sip of my sparking water, I got up with a sigh. I don't drink alcohol.

My eyes met the 3:33am on the clock.

I rubbed my eyes and muttered out loud, "I hate having insomnia, god damn".

I haven't been able to fully sleep since those years with my father. I fear lack of control. Thats why I hated alcohol, sleep, and relationships. I usually spent my night shamelessly reading and studying the wonders of the world while everybody was asleep. If I had knowledge, I would always have power. I decided it was getting late and I couldn't sit in the living room forever.

I slid my hands on the railing as I climbed up the stairs, yanking my blue short sleeve t-shirt off my head, throwing it to the door of my room. I shook out myo short dirty blonde hair that was styled like a military cut. I lead my eyes up to the hallway body length mirror and exhaled, letting my muscles loosen. I always hated looking at myself, it always brought back the memories. I stared back into my grey sunken eyes, darting up and down. I had a large build, standing at six six.

I was always weight training which meant my arms and legs were always bulked out. People always began to think I was a body builder on just the right amount of steroids. Every inch of my body was tattooed in colorful traditional art just to hide away the scars and marks. A black nose ring clung to my nose. Even my face claimed a few tattoos on it.

I brought my hand up and whisked across the burn mark. I had rugged lines of burns that lined my cheeks up until it hit my eyebrow. They were splotchy colors of red and blue morphed together, claiming my left side as theirs. It was healed over and looked more like a birthmark or a large bruise that never would leave. If it weren't for all the imperfections, I would've liked myself. What a shame.

I carried myself away from the mirror, leaving my thoughts with it. My room sat next to Haven's new room and I felt my eyes drift to her door. Fuck it. She had stopped crying awhile ago and it surprised me. Usually you wouldn't stop screaming and kicking for days after being taken away from everything you knew.

I guess we do have something in common, angel. I slid open the door and popped inside quietly. The warm air whisked my cheeks as I glanced across the room. The dark bed remained on the right, it sat atop dark pallet boards, giving it a low look. The black dresser was next to the stairs that lead up to the bathroom with a vase on top. Then I caught glance of Haven, tucked into her arms to keep warm. She leaned up against the floor to window doors that led to the balcony. I rubbed my forehead thinking while my fingernails dug into my palms.

"God help us all", I muttered as my feet flew from under me.

My arms wrapped around her limp body, holding her against my chest. My chin laid softly atop her head as I put her in a firm grasp. I felt her heart thumping along with her body moving up with every breath. I shifted her weight to my right arm as my other hand stripped back her bed sheets. I laid her gently underneath the blankets, allowing her soft breaths to move away from my skin.

I began getting to much into my head and was questioning why I was doing all of this. My inner child was calling out to me, to change my future, that is exactly why. But just like I had done in the past, I suppressed the voice again and chose to ignore it.

I was built to have no emotion, no feeling, and have absolute control. I studied Haven like a kid's picture book, taking in every piece. Her hair draped down her back amongst her delicate face with her precious sounds. I began to reach out my hand to cup her face but the same color of red flashed behind my eyes. I was angry once again. My feet banged against the floor as I stormed out of her room, slamming the door.

I hope she wakes up.

No, I don't.

Yes I do.

God, I hate my mind.

I laid in my bed tapping away on my torso, starting at the ceiling. It had been far too long without releasing this anger and I needed to stay far away from Haven before I let my demons roar.