Listening right now to "this is how you fall in love" by Jeremy Zucker makes me flow into another world. I'm 36'000 feet above sea level not realizing actually what this really means. It's a feeling of freedom and emptiness, where you just live in the moment without knowing the actions behind it. I'm flying:)! How long have I been waiting for this day, how many times this mail "your flight booking from Zurich to JFK has been confirmed'' flashed a smile onto my pale face seeking for the bright sun of the West Coast, California.
An hour ago I was stressed that I wouldn't make it to the plane, asking myself dozens of times where my family is? Why do I need to give an interview, I'm not even dangerous looking? But thankfully everything was fine, besides the awkward moment where I needed to take off my shoes and kind of kicked the inspector's knee. Well.
I'm sitting on a leather seat in the middle row next to my brother who's currently reading some old book colored in yellowish mustard tone.
Oh! Food is coming!
Right now mommies with ugly crying babies are saying "Hamm Hamm!! Gugu gaga hier kommt das Flugzeug''. I swear if I hear one toddler crying on this flight I'm gonna get up and take their greasy ass iPad and throw it out of the window. Just kidding- or maybe not? oh god i heard the first baby crying nooooo nonono.
While waiting for my vegetarian meal to arrive I'm going to look at the people around me. hmm this one younger girl on my right sight eats cheese- strange....hmm there's a woman in a dark coat with sunglasses- wait? in a plane?? maybe she's high and thinks she shouldn't be a bad influence on me so she rather hides the redness of her eyes. There's a dad walking around, through the rows with his young son on his left sholder. The boy wears a Toys R Us Shirt and eyes people as they eat their meal (maybe he eyes people like the girl eating cheese lol).
—
Two hours went by, my head feels now like a
concrete block and my neck is stiff as if someone told me to sleep like a triangle on a kid-sized bed. I wrote a little in my essay that is due on sunday and realized how much harder writing in German is. English lets me be honest and true to myself, the words flow like rivers with just some periods with less water and less fish than in the usual other ones. Meanwhile German makes me sound as if I'm 10 years older and concentrated to use as many suitable, creative words and expressions as possible which i've read somewhere in a random magazine at the doctor's waiting room 5 years ago. My dog on the other hand is sleeping and then wakes up and stresses out that this whole pov isn't just a nightmare but a true thing. It's a toxic relationship between his emotions and the calming words coming from my parents, like black and white coliding into eachother trying to fit in with the standards from the other one, but it just wont happen. Like night and day, like moon and sun.
Is it okay to say I'm super exhausted and want to sleep? Its only 5.30pm but I'm right now almost asleep.
