If You Leave Me Now // Marauders

Chapter Forty-Eight

CW- Murder, lots of blood, horcrux making

June 27th, 1977 Marauders Dorm

Evangeline planted her feet in place in the middle of the room, picking nervously at a stray thread hanging from her top. Remus followed her into the room, taking a seat on the edge of his bed in front of her. 

They both sat in silence, neither one daring to break it first. It was an awkward encounter, the first of which they had experienced with one another. 

Remus wasn't quite sure when he had fallen in love with her, but it seemed to have happened so naturally that he didn't even notice right away. Evie was sweet, and kind, and never failed to make him feel normal. Human.  And maybe that was exactly what he needed in his life. He loved her, deeply. Deep enough to recognize that the war and the Death Eaters and Lord-fucking-Voldemort were changing everything for the both of them. 

"I'm sorry," she whispered, not bothering to look up from the floor, "I'm sorry for the way I've treated you all."

Remus rubbed his sweaty palms across his trouser-clad knees, and swallowed before speaking, "Whatever do you mean?"

Evie sighed, beginning to slowly pace across the floor, "I gravely underestimated all of you, and I'm sorry."

She rubbed at her face furiously, annoyance seeping out as she threw her hands up, "I can't protect any of you. I never could. I was a cocksure arsehole and I've ruined, quite literally, everything."

She collapsed onto the mattress next to Remus, keeping the distance between them, "And I'm sorry about last night. It's like it's all a hazy memory, like it didn't actually happen. It feels like the more time I spend occluding, the less real this fucking war gets to me."

She waited for Remus to say something, anything, and the first thing he was able to blurt out was, "So you didn't mean to sleep with him?"

 Evie stared at him, slack-jawed, "Are you telling me you've spent all day thinking that I had sex with Sirius Black because I was sad over his brother?"

And she burst into laughter.

"Are you saying you didn't?" Remus sputtered.

"Absolutely not!" she scoffed, then sobered quickly, "I won't tell you it was purely friendly, because it didn't feel that way. But it was never to hurt you, Moony."

"Look," she continued, reaching out for his arm, "I know that I haven't been fair to either of you. I don't know what's wrong with me. But I think," she paused, "I think I maybe just need a little time to sort myself out, you know? To reevaluate."

Remus laughed shortly, "Why do I feel like I'm being dumped right now?"

"Nonsense," she bumped him with her shoulder, "I already told you I'd never choose between the two of you."

"Besides," she teased, "I don't recall you ever asking me to be your girlfriend in the first place."

"I'm sure I would have! Eventually," He defended himself, before smiling and throwing an arm around her shoulders.

"I'll love you forever, you know, Remus."

"Forever is a very long time, Eves."

"I'm well aware of how long forever is," she laid her head on his shoulder, "Just...do me a favor, yeah?"

"Anything."

"Stop forgiving people to keep the peace. It'll eat away at your insides if you don't let yourself feel it."