Fate Wheel | Naruto

𝟏𝟎𝟑| "A slave to your kind"

He wasn't capable of hate, but to put it into words, he hated not being able to switch his mind off and perceive the world like how other people perceived it to be. He hated viewing humans as something that needed to be unravelled otherwise it would disrupt his sense of peace. His peace derived from cloud-watching, because clouds weren't human, they just floated and went about their day. It also derived from happy moments, moments he could cherish, conversations that made his chest warm, the company of people who understood the way he was at times.

"I'd like to be remembered as something that consecutively appears, like a collective memory of something else that just so happens to include me. It feels more natural that way. When a person deliberately focuses on every single memory they had with me it's unsettling because in reality, it wasn't like that. A company of a certain person occurs for a certain reason." Shikamaru followed his gaze outside the window, where the sky was turning orange. "I don't like to talk about emotions, but it's sort of a fear of mine to lose someone I deeply care about."

Dawn leaned forward eagerly. "Please elaborate."

"Well, it's pretty much self-explanatory."

She rolled her eyes. "I know that, but explain more about why you feel that way. Why does it scare you?"

"Well... I think of it as something that completely encapsulates your life until all you think about is them. You associate a person with a memory, an object, an event, even a word. It's like a ghost haunting you. I mean, when I think of you, I think about Shoji because you're the only one other than my dad and Asuma that has beaten me, I think about paperwork and the conversations we're having right now that somehow turn deep when the sun begins to set, I think of the times when we first turned Chunin and we had to have missions together all the time. Stuff like that, it scares me knowing that the creation of memories ends with death."

Dawn deeply pondered over his words, the office they were in suddenly turned into brilliant shades of orange and yellow as the sun was cut in half. "Cigarettes."

"Huh?" He blinked.

"When I think of you, that's what immediately comes to mind. The smell of cigarettes, then I think about the conversation we had when I asked you why you smoked, I remember expecting you to say something very sentimental and instead all you said was 'Cuz I look cool.'" She let out a laugh. "Later, you elaborated that it was a way of coping with stress and that you often like smoking with Asuma or when you watch clouds by the Hokage monuments or on top of a building near the Academy."

"I also remember a distinct conversation we had, when I told you about the fact that I was attempting to learn Latin and you told me to tell you a phrase and I said—"

"Aut inveniam viam aut faciam." Shikamaru smiled slightly in remembrance.

"I shall find a way, or make one." Dawn translated with a grin. "I remember saying that one specifically because of your ability to always find a solution even when the obstacles may seem difficult to overcome. You were stressing about a minor issue and I reminded you that the problem was never small to begin with. Every problem has a solution when you simply make one."

"And then after you said that, your ego boosted and you tried to act all wise that entire week by saying random phrases in Latin, even if they didn't make any sense." He teased, snorting at the memory. "You really are weird."

"Well, you're even weirder for being my best friend."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. "I'm not your best friend."