Make me remember (to forget)

Chapter 50

The next morning, I wake up feeling extremely rested. Without an alarm clock, even. Em's side of the bed is empty, but that's normal, since she always wakes up before me. 

When I look at my phone, my stomach sinks. It's ten in the morning. I overslept. Shit! Why didn't anyone wake me? 

I run outside, only to find Adam in the kitchen. "It's ten already! Why didn't you wake me?"

"Gee, good morning to you too."

I roll my eyes at him as I pour my coffee. "Morning."

"I didn't wake you because Em said so."

My stomach tightens into knots. "She told you so? Why?"

He shrugs. "She said that you were tired and needed to rest."

I begin to say something but then bite back my words. That is the most bullshit explanation ever. It's not like Em to let me skip work without me asking her.  Correction: it's not like Em to let me skip work ever. 

In fact, I'm pretty sure she would drag me to the office even if I were on my death bed. That finally confirms what my gut feeling knew all along: she's upset. More particularly, she's upset with me. 

Goddamn it, Em, I'm pretty sure that I'm going to be developing prescient abilities by the time we hit the three months benchmark. 

"Where are you going?" Adam asks as I grab my keys. 

"To the office."

"Didn't you hear what I just said? Em said that you could take the day off."

I narrow my eyebrows at him. "Do you really think that Em would just say that if nothing was actually wrong?"

He pauses for a second before he forms an 'O' with his lips. "Well, at least take a shower and change if you don't want to piss her off even more."

Shoot, I keep forgetting that people care if I stink here. 

After showering and changing (and borrowing some cologne from Adam's bedroom which surprisingly does not smell bad), Adam gives me a ride to the office. 

The moment I walk inside, I hear Sabine and Mel's voices from the hallway. 

"I can't deal with those mood swings, okay?" Sabine sniffs. Holy shit, is she crying? You just know it's serious when there's crying involved. 

"Morning!"

Yup, definitely crying. She scoffs when she sees me. "Finally, you're here. Can you please like, go have some angry sex with your girlfriend or something to get her off of our backs for a second?"

Yikes. This is bad. This is really bad.

"What happened?"

"The usual," Mel comments. "And unless you're literally planning to give her an earth-shattering orgasm right now, I suggest that you don't walk inside that room."

She places a stack of papers on Sabine's desk before giving me a mock-salute. "Good luck."

I knock twice before coming in. She doesn't even look up. She has her hair up in a messy bun and is wearing her glasses. She looks so beautiful in her glasses. It makes her seem all bossy and you know that I have a thing for powerful women, so- Logan! Focus!

Right. Operation 'Calm the fuck out of Emily', let's go. 

"Morning, babe," I say as I close the door behind me. 

She frowns. "What are you doing here? I told Adam to let you know that you could take the day off. He didn't tell you that?"

Jesus, how can someone who looks this cute sound also this fucking scary? 

"No, he did. But I wanted to come-"

"Why? There's nothing urgent for you to work on today-"

"Jeez, Em. What's wrong? Why do you not want me to be here today?"

She sighs. "Nothing, I'm stressed and I don't have time for this right now. Can you please leave?"

Trust me, if I leave right now, it's going to be world war three. Unfortunately, in Em's language, leave means stay. I don't have time for this right now means I need to talk this out instantly so that I can focus on other things during my day. 

See? Prescient abilities. 

"I'm not going anywhere until we talk this through. You've been acting differently since we came back from Adam's clinic. What's wrong?"

She looks at the ceiling. "Logan, I told you, I'm fine!"

"Bullshit! You're clearly not. Look, you need to tell me if it was something that I did or said-"

"Logan, please drop it-"

I let out an exasperated sigh. "Is this about Mar?"

That has to be the only explanation. I have no clue how she found out, but I can't think of anything else that would make her this mad at me. 

She frowns. "What?"

"Em, I only slept with her because I was extremely pissed at you and I couldn't stop thinking about you and - Fucking hell, I just thought that she would help me forget about you for a while."

She narrows her eyebrows at me. "You slept with Mar?"

Shit. 

Shit.

I gulp. "So that's not why you were pissed..."

"Well it is now! My Goodness, Logan! Are you serious right now? Are you going to go sleep with her every time you get pissed at me?"

"Em, we both know that's not ever going to happen again."

"Well, it already did. I can't believe you right now."

"Em, I told you, it didn't mean anything! I only did it because I thought that you didn't like me back and it hurts like a bitch when the only girl you've ever been in love with doesn't feel the same way," The words stumble from my lips before I could stop them. 

Holy fuck. 

I just told Em that I love her. For the first time. 

Her eyes widen at the realization too, but she doesn't say anything back. 

A mix of fear and guilt and hatred and more fear invade me. Fear, of her not returning the same feelings. Guilt, over not being completely honest about Mar. Hatred: acute, consuming, red hatred for myself, for possibly ruining everything. 

And more fear, fear of losing her, the person I care about the most in this entire world. 

The words get stuck in my throat as the whirlwind of emotions sweep me. Say something, Em. Goddamn it, please, say something. Anything is better than this piercing silence. 

She lets out a long exhale before pursuing her lips and then finally, breaks the blaring silence between us. "You should go."

My stomach tightens into knots before I nod slightly. This time, there's no use to decipher the Em language. It's loud and clear. She doesn't feel the same. 

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