Coffee Shop | Elizabeth Olsen

84: Pregnancy

"Private jet," I say. "Yes!" Ashley says and then we all slap our credit cards on the counter. "We need to get home." "Right away Miss Hastings." "Mrs Hastings." Ashley corrects him and he inhales sharply. "Sorry, Mrs Hastings." 

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We're on a plane and I'm pacing the whole length of it trying to remember to breathe. None of us had any clue what was wrong at home. We just had a million missed calls and texts I had a heartbreaking voicemail from Lizzie sobbing down the line not being able to say anything but I need you. I listened to it 45 times before MK took my phone from me seeing my reaction. She needed me and I wasn't fucking there.

"Nell it'll be okay she's in the best place." "I should be there for her. She's pregnant." "She made you come." "She's 7 and a half months pregnant she can barely put her own shoes on never mind making anyone do anything." "You've seen her head tilt right." MK pointed out but my face told her I wasn't in the mood for jokes right now. 9 hours. 9 whole hours it took to get home, we headed straight to the hospital and up to the suite they were keeping Lizzie in. "She's sleeping." Her mum said. "What happened?" "Her waters broke early." "That's bad that could mean infections and she's only 32 weeks that's too early for the baby to come yet, their lungs aren't developed enough they will be sick." "Sweetie, please just take a breath," Jarnie said. "I can't lose them." "You're not going to." David, Elizabeth's dad said placing a hand on my shoulder, the twins were waiting outside. "She's in the best place with the best doctors." He was trying to comfort me. My eyes welled with tears and I wanted to just scream and break down but I couldn't I needed to keep it together. I needed to be there for Lizzie. "She's been given antibiotics to prevent infection and the baby is being given steroids to help develop their lungs quicker in case they have to deliver early." "No." "Eleanor, please just listen." "No. No. No. This isn't happening." I walked out of the room and the twins looked at me.

"This isn't happening," I say to them before walking down the hall, this is not happening. After everything, this isn't happening. We deserve this happiness we deserve our little family after everything the two of us have been through in our lives separate and together we deserve this one thing to be okay and pure and blissful. We don't deserve it to be taken from us she doesn't deserve it. I collect myself and walk back in composed taking a seat by her bed, I hold her hand and she subconsciously squeezes it, my eyes were glued to the machines making sure it was all in order, despite not knowing how to read any of them. But if I looked at them I would notice a change and then I'd know.

My thumb ran across her skin as I let her rest waiting for her to wake up so I could offer her comfort. David sat across from me, his eyes were on me but I wouldn't look at him only the machines and the numbers and the squiggly lines. I take slow breaths to stay in control of my emotions.

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"Angel." "I'm here, Princess." "I'm sorry." She bursts into tears and I'm quick to hold her. "This isn't your fault, Princess, this isn't your fault," I tell her and she just cries harder telling me it is. "You couldn't help this. This isn't on you." I stroke my hand through her hair. "I should have kept them safe." "And you are, you are keeping them safe, my love" She shakes her head. I pressed a kiss to the side of her head. "You're keeping them safe, I promise you," I whispered to her and she held onto me tighter.

When she calmed down the doctor came to speak to us, everyone left the room but us two. "We want to keep you here on bed rest until we deliver the baby." "No." "Elizabeth, listen to him," I tell her squeezing her hand to calm her down. "We need to keep you and baby healthy and the best way to do that is with bed rest and constant monitoring." "Nell can look after us." "Baby this is out of my skill set. I'll be here though. Right here." I speak softly knowing she is getting more anxious from the way her brows knit together and the tremble of her hand that lay on her leg or the quiver in her voice and the darting of her eyes. "It's going to be okay." She kept her eyes locked with mine as I told her that. "We want to deliver Baby when their lungs are strong enough so it will be early than expected however it's the best chance we have at keeping, Elizabeth's chance of infection at the lowest whilst also keeping baby safe." "No." "Liz." "No if they're safe inside me then they stay inside, I'm not letting you risk their lives to stop me getting some infection." "Respectfully, Mrs Hastings the infection isn't little it can kill you." "But they will be okay." "Elizabeth, no they won't, growing up without you, they wouldn't be okay." "But if they don't make it. Loads of premature babies die, Eleanor!" She shouted at me and the doctor offered me a pitiful look. I stroked her face her eyes fluttered shut at the touch. "Just take a deep breath with me." We did her breathing exercises and she was more composed her grip on my hand tight.