Hold My Heart (BW short story)

Part 7

Win was shaking, his long-forgotten fear coming out suddenly. "Is Luke Plowden your friend?" his voice was a whisper, almost breathless. A sudden vulnerability mixed with his fear; and this overwhelming emotion too over him, blocking every possible way of rational thinking. Win understood that if he can't grip himself right now, he will fall apart. The wall he build around him will fall apart in no time, so he gripped his stick so tightly that his knuckles turned white. He clinched his jaws then started breathing heavily to calm himself down.....to calm his racing heartbeat. After minutes he felt so light headed, as his heavy breathing slow down a bit along with a less crazy heart beat.

Bright startled, dumbfounded by his question. A cold shiver ran down his spine, "Win..." he whispered. He didn't understand that how Win find out about Luke. Its not like Win could see when he cut those calls! Then how?? He suddenly realized that he uttered Luke's name couple of times on the call. Bright wanted to kill himself for his own stupid mistake. But what is to be done is done.

"Tell me, he is your friend or not?" Win asked in stern voice, his heavy breathing is normal now, "yes, or no?" he doesn't know what to feel at this moment. All he wants a clear answer, deep inside he was hoping for a negative reply from the latter, he maybe an overthinker, but not an impulsive.

Bright felt like his heart stopped beating, felt suffocating in this cool soothing breeze. Win's simple question was so heavy like a mountain on shoulder. At first, he thought to deny, a simple small lie will help to keep Win with him......but next moment he thought about his principles. He is a soon to be a doctor, he shouldn't lie to anyone, not matter what consequence will be! A doctor always ready to face every situation, he or she devoted their life for others, there is no room for dishonesty and selfishness, and he is no exceptional. He can't compromise with his principles.

Bright closed his eyes....his heart beating loudly in fear. It is cent percent chance of Win left him if he says the truth; but he will not build his home under shadow of lies. Slowly clenched his jaws tightly as he gathers all his courage to whispered, "Yes."

Win reeled back, he felt betrayed; Bright betrayed everyone, specially Win's parents and friends. It would be a lie, if Win had not a soft spot for the doctor. The way his parents and friends described Bright, like he was the only one perfect for him in every aspect, he felt nice. His heart stirred up in realization that there was someone waiting for his attention, wants to spend time with him and willingly want to be a nice relationship with a blind person like him. Win felt honored.....he felt that he has little value in someone else life other than his parent and friend; for the first time after that incident, he felt alive.

He was so focused on his study since high school. He set his target to be a lawyer; he was so focused of his bull's eye that he didn't get any time for dating or anything else. When his friends went to a date with a girl or guy, he went to library to study. He always wanted to be a lawyer, love comes second. That's why he never paid attention to Luke, but his dismay the same Luke changed his entire life. When he discovered himself as blind, that time he didn't know how to deal with that. Off course, his parents and friends were there to support and Win was brave enough to accepted his destiny. The moment when he accepted himself as blind, he started to hate himself. He hates himself for weak against Luke .... He hates himself for not to fulfil his parents dream, his own dream..... he hates himself for becomes a burden to everyone..... he hates himself for not capable to do anything alone! He hates himself. He always hides his self-hatred behind his fake bravery, this is only he could do for his parents; but only he knows how much he is suffering from inside, he wanted to die when he realized that he can't be a lawyer anymore! He frustrated of himself.... disappointed of himself; but he can't even cry, what would his parents thought if they see Win cry? They were sad enough for his decision to not operate his eyes anymore, and he couldn't made them sadder. But he couldn't tell anybody about his reasons, first, he doesn't want to see Luke rest of his life, and second, he hates to see his weak self in mirror.