Falling For Seconds

Chapter Fifteen

My mind couldn't stay away from the memory. I couldn't stop feeling his touch searing into my skin, his lips gently moving across my body, or that fact that I had lost my virginity to a guy who's last name held way too many secrets.
I also couldn't stop thinking about what Levi had told me about his brother. How could a ten year old with a brain tumor find a gun and kill himself? None of it made sense. The fact that he was so bothered by the event but at the same time so closed off, made me feel like I wasn't getting the entire story.
Could I handle it if he had told me the whole truth? My subconscious had been quiet for some time now. I suspected that I had gone too far and she had finally given up, which was a scary thought within itself. I had, in fact, crossed the line a week ago.
It was all harmless flirting and touching until that moment. How was I going to even begin to tell Greyson? He'd storm out and probably call the cops on Levi, since they already didn't like each other. He'd probably try to hunt him down himself and beat the living shit out of him. Was he strong enough to do that?
Greyson was a tall but thinly built guy. He'd played running back in private school. Was he strong enough to knock Levi out? Then there was Levi, also tall, but very strong. I recalled when he worked out in the garage, loving every second of my gawking. Would he let Greyson land a punch?
My head hurt just thinking about how my boyfriend would react, but my body ached thinking about have to lie again to his face. This love triangle was getting too complicated. There wasn't a damn thing I could do about it though. Greyson and Levi were barely there when I needed them, which made the decision look ten times more apparent, but leaving a guy you'd been with for four years was easier said than done. We had history and even though he hadn't been around for the past couple months, he was working his ass off to get out of his housing contract for me. We were going to find a place to move in together and start a life...
Which brought me back to the reality that I wasn't going to school anymore and had completely walked away from my parents. Would he accept that? Was there even a sliver of hope that he would understand?
Greyson had been a trust fund baby just like I was. We'd gone to the same private school and worked our asses off to get into the good colleges all to impress our parents, so they wouldn't take anything away from us. Maybe he would want advice on how to leave his family and we could run away together!
No, Greyson could never do that. He had a temper, one that I'd only seen when Levi was around me, but nonetheless he could never leave his family.
I recalled the last conversation we'd had about something other than school. His sister was coming out of rehab at the beginning of next year after five years away. How could he leave his family when they were so close to being reunited?
He'd gone every Sunday since I could remember to see her. He'd bring her textbooks and help her study for exams the whole nine yards. They were several years apart and I half expected him, the star running back of the football team, to not care that much about her, but there he was every Sunday from lunch until dinner, talking to her about everything under the sun.
I went only a couple times as his sister was still jittery and messed up from whatever had put her there in the first place. He never talked about what happened, just that she would be in there until she was completely 100 percent. The look in her eyes when I'd last seen her made me feel that release date was forever away, but maybe my suspicions were wrong.
He would never leave his sister, or his family. They weren't anything like mine. They were more understanding, which made their house an escape during the summer months when my mom wanted me to take SAT prep classes four days a week.
I didn't even know they could offer that many, but my mom was rich, and my parents donated a hefty amount every year to the school, so I'm convinced she had a huge, pedicured foot in the door of the school board.
But could I leave him? Someone who was dedicating his life to further our relationship? What had Levi done that was so great...sold drugs? What had he done to sacrifice for me? Did he have a heart that compared to Greyson's? Did he even have a heart?
I then realized I had never sat down and talked to Levi about how he felt about us. Was there even an 'us' to talk about? It was yet another question to jot down on the ever growing list of questions. Had he given up anything?
The decision was more clear the more I thought about it and I felt childish for even falling for Levi in the first place. Falling, was that even the right term? Had I fallen for him or was I infatuated with him? Yet another question...