A. Emeritus

Chapter 3

I make my way to the back room of the nave to prepare for mass. As I enter Papa stands from his seat.

"You'll be a thurifer today." He tells me before moving to the closet holding my vestments.

"Papa, I haven't been thurifer since I hit Papa I in the face with the thurible." I slip into my cassock and papa pats my shoulder with a sigh.

"I have faith in you that you won't hit me, it's been two years. You'll be fine." With that he leaves to prepare the altar.

I put a liner in the thurible with a couple coals. Sighing, I reach for the lighter to get a fire going, this is normally a fire ghouls' job. When the coals catch, I lift the thurible and swing it a little to get the fire going. Finally, I fill the incense boat and stand by the nave door with the thurible in my left hand and boat in my right, and watch the congregation file in. Once everybody is seated I make my way to the nave main entrance to lead the procession.

"Piccola, you're shaking." Gizio whispers as I pass him. "Do you want me to take over?" I shake my head as Papa scoops incense into the thurible and I take my place. The organ starts and I start my walk to the altar. As I swing the thurible I realize how much I'm sweating. My lungs swell as I close my eyes and breathe deep, I'm almost to the front of the pews. Our lord must have thought I haven't suffered enough yet, and before I can think I'm on my knees in the aisle next to the first row of pews. A loud clash rings through the nave as the thurible hits the ground. Coals and fiery incense scatter to my left as fresh incense spills to my right.

My eyes fill with tears, and I feel a hand on my back.

"It's alright my child, accidents happen." Papa says gently as he scoops the salvageable incense back into the boat. On my left a fire ghoul is picking up the coals and embers, gently placing them in the now up right thurible. "Little one, do not cry. Everyone has dropped the thurible at some point." A tear rolls down my cheek as I draw a shaky breath.

"Everyone saw." I whisper, dropping my head down. "Everyone is seeing me now." To my right Gizio comes into view. He picks up the thurible and incense boat while Papa helps me up. Gizio takes my place and I move to where he was standing. We continue the procession and take our seats on the side of the Nave when it ends.

Papa begins his greetings as he prepares for mass to truly start; as he speaks the room starts to spin and my body starts to heat up. I close my eyes, leaning my head back in an attempt to calm myself, but the spinning feeling intensifies. Quickly I stand and make my way out the side door, making a mad dash for the nearest bathroom. I run in and drop to my knees in front of the toilet. My muscles spasm as I puke my guts out, my hair is pulled out if my face by an unknown set of hands. I lean back and a hand moves to rest gently on my back.

"Are you okay?" I nod as I sit back, scooting to lean against the wall and place my head between my propped up knees. The faucet runs for a bit, before a cup is placed into my hands. When I lift my head I see Gizio kneeling before me with a wet cloth in his hands. "Head back." He tells me as he hooks a finger under my chin and places the cloth over my forehead. "Sit here and try to cool down. I'll be right back, Piccola."

I nod lightly and watch him walk out of the bathroom. Another shadow moves along the wall as I sip my water and take a deep breath. There's a small knock on the door as Sister Imperator walks in.

"Are you okay, little one?" She asks, and places her hand on my cheek. "You're not running a fever, are you?" I shake my head and sip more water.

"I think I just worried myself too much." I sigh, "I haven't been thurifer in so long and now the whole church has seen me trip and spill everything." I say as a tear slips down my cheek. Sister Imperator places her hand out and pulls me up as I place my hand in hers. She smoothes out my clothes while she speaks.

"My child, by next week no one will remember what happened. I understand this feels like a huge moment right now, but when you look back five years from now you probably won't remember it. Hell, you may even forget by next year." She motions for my damp cloth and gently wipes my face when I give it to her.

"Sì, Sister is correct." Gizio says as he makes himself known in the room. "The color is back in your face." He informs me, with a smile and hands me a cup with my toothbrush and toothpaste. "Mia nipote, if you start to think that something you did will be remembered or that you'll be teased about it; think about how much you've experienced and how much you will later. This will barely matter later, just dust it off your shoulders and keep going with your head held high." He brushes off my shoulders and hands me the cup.

"Valentino is right, my dear. Take a deep breath and after you finish you brush your teeth and finish your water, please join us back in the nave." Sister Imperator leaves the room and Gizio hugs me before heading toward the door.

"If you don't want to finish incensing today I'll do it for you. Let me know when you come back." 

I sigh and look in the mirror before brushing my teeth, then fixing my hair. When I put my stuff back in my cup, I wonder how Gizio got my stuff so quickly. Before leaving the bathroom I step on the button to flush the toilet and head back to the door I left the nave through. Slowly, I suck in a big breath and let it out. With that I return to my seat next to Gizio and whisper,

"I'm going to finish the service." I sit with my hands together with my head bowed slightly while I listen to today's sermon about lust.

As the sermon ends and the congregation prays I join Papa on the chancel to help with communion. At the altar Papa picks up a sacramental wafer and holds it up,

"Corpus Antichristi." I bow my head and reply.

"Nema." With that I open my mouth and stick my tongue out a little. The wafer is placed on my tongue and I close my mouth to let it dissolve. Papa then presents the chalice of wine,

"Sanguis Antichristi." With a bowed head I reply again,

"Nema." I'm handed the chalice, which I take a small sip from. Papa hands me a small plate with the sacramental wafers and points me to the left hand side of the stage, while he takes the chalice to the right side.

The members of the congregation choosing to receive the sacrament today start to form a line in front of me. I follow the same steps Papa took when giving me my sacrament, some did choose to receive the body by hand. After I give each person their wafer, I place my hand on their shoulder and direct them toward Papa. A few people in line only wish to receive an unholy blessing, once they reach me I give them a smile and direct them a little to the left of me to be damned by Grandfather. About a half hour later the last of the congregation has received the body and blood and returned to their seat to genuflect. Papa and I turn and walk back to the altar where I hand him the plate, which he puts away. Afterwards, I head back to my seat and return to my normal position, but a little hunched than normal. I tap Gizio's foot with my own to gain his attention and he moves to the same position as me.

"There's a group in the back pews that looked like they felt out of place." I tell him in a hushed tone.

"They'll probably try to leave as soon as mass ends."

"Should I let Sister Imperator and some of the ghouls know? They can welcome them and give them the brochures."

"That may be a good idea." He responds quietly and sits back up.

Gizio leans to his left and passes the news to Vezio, who tells Grandfather. He stands and hastily makes his way toward the side door. As he passes me, Gizio leans over to me and whispers.

"Message sent." I smile and giggle to myself.

The rest of mass was going off without a hitch. When it comes time for me to incense Papa I hesitate, Papa nods and I successfully incense him without hitting him in the face. I lower the chain and head to the front of the chancel while gently swinging the thurible. As I look out at the church members I spot Fire a few rows from the front giving me a thumbs up. A small smile spreads across my face as I lift the thurible and incense in front of me to my right and then my left. With that take the thurible back to its stand, hang it back up, and return to my seat. The part I was most worried about went perfectly.

After service I lead the procession back up the center aisle and beeline for the hall to the back room to take care of the thurible and hang my cassock up. I jog back up to my place in line next to Gizio and the Cardinal, where I wait for the congregation to pass with bowed heads before I can leave.

(Edited)